Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...



Monday, January 26, 2015

hAPPy HAPPY JOY jOy

Are you lying in wait for the next big news blast on cops?

Or a new riot to break out?

How about the storm to hit the east coast?

Come on. You have thought about this...How many of you think it is karma biting The Patriots in the butt for cheating? It was a thought.

How many of you are waiting for your city or state to fix the potholes? I almost got swallowed up by one yesterday...

For a break...take a look at my latest serious side...follow along if you like...

It's quiet out there. Shhhhh. Don't say the "q" word. I know. I know.

A few random schmandoms today:

New vocabulary:

impo ent (two words due to the pause): spelled i-m-p-o-r-t-a-n-t--im·por·tant
imˈpôrtnt/
adjective
  1. of great significance or value; likely to have a profound effect on success, survival, or well-being.

NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION. 

Had a couple (more than two) questions on email to address:

1) What are your plans? Are you happy? What is in your future?

I first took this as a questionnaire resembling what you would fill out on an online dating site, but then I knew that was not true because I have never been on an online dating site. So...I wouldn't know. It just sounded like something you would fill out. Are you asking me out?

Must love dogs. Must embrace crazy. Must be able to keep up. Must have a job. 

There...I shaved my list of requirements way down from the original 40.

1-I have many plans, some of them are spinning in place, some in motion.

2-I am happy most of the time because I am crazy like that. I do get sad on occasion and have other emotional episodes including drama because I am a girl, but I act like most normal types. My daughter would say I have stone face and resting bitch face. That applies to some situations. I like to laugh a lot. Life is good.

3-If only I had a crystal ball...

2) Why do you defend cops when you know they are moving toward a police state right now?

That is a loaded question, isn't it?

I believe most cops are inherently good. It's funny how the media spins every move they make now into one end of the spectrum or the other which I think influences the public to one way or the other as well.  I am pretty much sick of it. Let's move on. Weed out the dirty cops. Get rid of them. But most are good. Don't give them all a blanket party. As far as police state? Bwahahaha. Don't make me laugh. You people don't even know what a police state is. Yes, I said, "you people" which is only directed at those liberals who think we have a police state with our law enforcement. I wish the cops could be left alone to do their jobs. Right now they are under a microscope. Perhaps this is warranted with the way the world has changed and if they are doing their job and by the rules, no worries. Right? Wrong...because they still get criticized. Society as a whole doesn't just chew off the top layer, they want the officer naked. It is to the point, I think many forget they are human beings in a uniform...no perfect robots walking black and white with no grey matter. Grey matter is sewer, but in this case I am referring to those cases where there is no black and white answer or solution. I suggest attending a citizen's academy or some law enforcement event. Get to know your community instead of being on the sidelines. I could go on, but why bore you on a Monday?

3) Where is that book review you promised?

Yes, it is soon. Patience, grasshopper. 





Honk A Boy

A little this and that and a round of crazy. Actually, crazy is my circle of life. That's my life. Welcome to Crazytown. Who wants normal? Those boring people.

I was excited to make a fast run to Minnesota to see my family. I learned they are doing well and I miss them very  much...to a point, in fact, I wanted to be there longer. Sometimes I think I should live there, then it gets windy. I don't mind the cold and snow. I don't miss the wind.

However, school and college life called us back home. Dang jobs and schools.

I discovered my mother is somewhat of a rebel. When I went into her laundry room, I noticed a pellet gun and pellets just sitting out there like she was a thug. Apparently, she shoots out the back quite often at starlings and pesky birds which disrupt her song bird watching. Now...never mind it is illegal in the city limits, but straight up starling genocide. She laughed at my lecture as did my brother who got her started on this hobby. I guess it will keep her young at heart. Yes, I am kin to the Clampetts in case you were wondering.

My child's mind is going in strange directions. For instance, last night she quizzed me on how puppies behave.

BUG: Mom, the puppy is mean to Moose. He runs up to him, bites his pee pee...like honk...and runs away. Why would Moose just lay there? Doesn't it hurt him?

ME: Well, maybe he likes to be honked.

BUG: Mom, that is so gross. Really, be serious. Why would he not get mad or cry because it hurts.

ME: Honey, it goes like this. Men like to play honk and run. The world has people with left brain and right brain thinkers. On top of that...men have a top brain where the left and right thinking occurs and a bottom brain. Girls only have a top brain unless they were a man who becomes a woman...you know, dude looks like a lady...or they have an operation..which I think technically...would they have the bottom brain disconnected? I don't know. It is complicated. Well, anyway...that is out of the box. So, Moose is thinking with his bottom brain and that is why he likes it. 

BUG: I don't get it. Men don't have a bottom brain. And how could anyone think with a bottom brain? You mean the penis has a brain? Ew. Gross. It thinks?

ME: Well, they do. Men often walk around life penis first. Boys like it when girls play honk and run. It is naughty, but the boys like it. But I don't ever want you to honk a boy.

BUG: Oh, nasty, Mom. You are sick. 

ME: Ok. This is getting weird and uncomfortable for mommy.  I don't even understand where this conversation is going. Let's just watch the puppies play. This will all make more sense when you are older. 

In other news...non-penis related...my sleep pattern was going well until last night...


I don't remember any of this except the 4:50 am get up and pee the dogs episode. I got home very late after driving 9 hours on a 5 hour road trip due to in-climate weather. Let me just say...idiots who cannot drive on snow and ice should not be on the road. This would include the too slow and the too fast. I got a little road rage last night which carried over this morning on the way to work. )&#Y$()*&#)$(*#(*#@$& I think my blood pressure was sky high. Beat me.

Also it is good to note that speed limit signs in Chicago are guidelines... 55 miles per hour means 80. 

Photo credit: Pinterest

I think I am digressing backward into my twenties; not the looks, but the attitude and lack of patience. Perhaps I need some range time. It has been entirely too long.

I did see American Sniper by myself. I would recommend it. It was a good movie. I didn't get all hyped up about the fake baby scene. It didn't ruin the movie. Did I notice? Yes. I also noticed the real baby they used was an ugly thing...poor baby. Really, it was. Not attractive. And I love babies. At a distance. Or someone eles's. Anystars, go see it. At the end, when the credits rolled and the movie was obviously over...no one moved. It was silent. We all sat there and tried to absorb what we just saw. Then slowly people started to get up. It had an impact. And would it surprise you that Piers Morgan slammed Michael Moore and Seth Rogen, stating Chris Kyle was a hero.

Yes, I almost ran naked in the street in disbelief.






Friday, January 23, 2015

Mental Funk Junk

Life of Meh and melancholy continues. Even though I am in a mental junk funk, I have been going according to plan for marathon training. Exercise is the most underutilized anti-depressant and attitude adjustment drug.

You see, I would get into a relationship with you, but the way my gym schedule is set up...

It is a different world training inside for most of the winter versus running in the open air and views of the country. It's a forced issue for me to run inside. Once I get to the gym, I start to ease up on the brakes. It would be easy to deter me right now and lure me from the gym by using shiny things. Or wine.

In between running (or fat jogging), I am doing some strength training and Piloxing. Strange exercise, but I love it. I embrace the weird.

Photo credit: Pinterest

It brings my attitude up during lunch.    Intertwined in my schedule after work are a couple of Bootcamp classes. Love the university benefits. Normally, on my budget and income, I would not be able to afford these classes or opportunities. Grateful note. I am thankful.

On the eat lean poop green plan, I have become accustomed to all the fresh food. So what happens? Disaster struck around noon yesterday. I took a friend out to lunch for her birthday. She picked Fazoli's. Cue hate mail, but I do not like their food. It's too heavy and greasy.

Hakuna Matata.

Well, I accommodated her since it was her choice. The bathroom accommodated me for the rest of the afternoon. Like a rock it sat until it came out at rocket speed. I know, TMI. Again. I share.

Miserable, I was. Now I hate the place.


Today is a new day and minus any butt explosions, it looks grand outside! I have issues with my wardrobe, however. I need a hairbrush to alleviate the chaffing and irritation done by my tight jeans. It's like a yeast infection minus the jizz.

This is how these jeans roll...too big in the waist...JLO booty just right...ride up the crotch...butt crack moments of bliss at bends. Who the hell creates jeans? Do they know how a woman is built? Maybe I need to go to the JLO big booty section where Meghan Traynor, Nicki Minaj, and Mary J Blige shop. They have nice booties. Mine is just big. Just observations.


So, this creates those problems such as the sneak and pull, corner yank, and thigh slide. To describe, you are walking as the seam is riding up your hoohah creating discomfort. It is an immediate release problem. It does look offensive in public so it must be done with slight moves. You can also do the shake and walk, but you look like a dink. It is imperative to be stealth about digging garments out of the va-jay-jay. You have to have class. Women are not like men where we grab our junk in front of God and everyone. Spanks might work to create a crawling barrier, but then you are sucked in and the furnace does not get vented. It is important to keep it vented and dry. Humidity-bad.

In other news...my office manager had never heard of snow shoeing. So I had to show her via Google. Result-turned up nose and "why would anyone want to do that? That is too much work."

*head desk*

Also I am learned: new Indiana words:

manase: spelled m-a-y-o-n-n-a-i-s-e

noun-salad dressing, white jizz whiz which goes on sammiches


cran: spelled c-r-a-y-o-n

noun- a wax art instrument in various colors.


drawling: spelled d-r-a-w-i-n-g
noun
  1. 1.
    a picture or diagram made with a pencil, pen, or crayon rather than paint, especially one drawn in monochrome.
    "a series of charcoal drawings on white paper"
  2. 2.
    the selection of a winner or winners in a lottery or raffle.
    "entrants need not be present at the drawing"
    synonyms:rafflelottery, sweepstake, sweepballotlotto
    "she won the Christmas drawing"








  3. Have a Happy Friday! I'm gonna go dig the drawlers out of my hoohah in the most discrete manure, Indiana style.