Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Climate Control

Sow what?

It is no secret I am a master gardener and I owned a tree nursery/landscaping business. Sometimes those talents bled over into my cop work. How? You might ask. Let me take you back in time for a Throwback Thursday moment to explain...

Family fights plagued the city for most of the evening. Sarge and I responded to an all too familiar address. It was the only ghetto rental in the big tree area which was home to moderate income families. Much to the neighbors disgust, their phones often dialed 911 for disturbances.

Sarge had arrived prior to me and had already been talking to the upset male half of the domestic. Apparently, the female half had fled the residence with her "new" boyfriend, leaving her husband behind. Walking up the rickety steps, I found myself in the middle of a garden...only it was supposed to be the living room. Potting soil, plants, pots....thrown all over the front room. To my right was a coffee table that had been "karate chopped". Much to my amazement, the only thing not disturbed was the new flat screen television.

ME: Wow. Been gardening, John?

ANGRY JOHN: (Sigh) Lady, I have been taking anger management classes.

ME: Looks like they are working.

ANGRY JOHN: Look. It's my stuff. I broke it. I can break my stuff.

SARGE: Well, sure you can. However,  it isn't a very good sign that your anger reduction plan is even working. Especially when we come to things thrown around, you are angry, red in the face, and the missus has disappeared. Besides, you are bleeding.

ME: I think gardening is a great stress reliever.

JOHN: You don't have to be a smart ass. I live here. I am under control.

SARGW: Apparently not. Look around you.

JOHN: Look I hit things. I don't hit people.

SARGW: Fair enough.

ME: Well...can I give you some advice?

JOHN: Oh, go ahead, lady. Like I have a choice.

ME: Philodendrons and cactus don't go in the same pot. Different climate and soil conditions.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Five-Oh BitchCraft

Five things you may not know about me personally and essentially non-PoPo related:

1. I like manicures and pedicures. It is the only time I feel like a princess, otherwise I resort to tomboy. I don't like to do them myself. I like the spa kind. My pocket book does not. Luckily, around these parts this here treatments is cheap. 

2. Gardening is my therapy. I used to own a nursery and landscaping business. I love all kinds of gardening, even pulling weeds. I need a lot of it. Sometimes I wet my plants.

3. When I go out to eat, I prefer Thai, Chinese, sushi, or a good 'ol juicy prime rib. Sometimes I like myself a little Mexican. I am very diverse. I am also not a cheap date and like really fancy restaurants. That's probably why I don't get out to eat much. And sushi is a recently (age of 47) acquired taste and I love, love, love it! Thank you for that adventure, Kevin!

4. I have tattoos...two of them. I love them. I want more, but then I think maybe not. It has nothing to do with my mother. I like tattoos on me and other people. It's sexy if it is done right and horrific if done all wrong. I get to channel my inner gangster. Before you utter a word, neither tattoo will be sagging down my pants as I do not sport any tramp stamps or booby murals. At a ripe old age, who is going to give a shit anyway? Back in the day, tattoos were for hoodlums, so they got a reputation. But then we got progress. Isn't progress great? The sagging myth I think was a poor deterrent our mothers made up and it went viral. If you don't like them, that's OK. They aren't for everyone. 

5. Some of the joys in my household are attributed to my daughter and my puppies. It's pretty crazy around the house and I like it busy like that. Me overreacting, probably. Except on Sundays. We all know it is relax day. So weird. I like Sundays. I like to fish.

Five things you may not know about me as a cop:

1. I love to drive fast. I loved to drive fast in the PoPo car. I would like to drive code...all the time. Sometimes I got reprimanded with a grin when I was not supposed to be driving fast. This is mostly at night because no one is out there and I needed to go. No sense messing around and I can't blame the traffic for slowing me down at that time. Day shift sucked really bad because I had to be good. Traffic created obstacles which was kind of fun like a slalom race. However, during the day you really can only go fast if you are driving code. I never crashed a cruiser going forward or fast. I only crashed a cruiser backing up. Who put those poles there?

2. Donuts are our friends. Let's stop hating on the donuts. Why do cops love them so much? Well, if you have to ask, then you don't know donuts. 

3. I was really happy on patrol all of the time. It showed in my physique and attitude. I had a lot going on in my personal life to keep me busy at both times when I did the duty (before and after I was a detective). When I was a detective, I was happy with a lot of stress accessorizing my outfits. It was very rewarding and I wouldn't change a thing about it.

4. I had bad dreams. Bullets flying, vests not working, near misses and sound effects. I still have those all the time.

5. I would enjoy patrolling the nice neighborhoods on day shift to get landscaping ideas. I would also critique their yards and some just had no knack or flavor. At night, I loved driving slow in the hood. I love the activities in the hood. Love, love. 

You can read my latest post on Uniform Stories here...

I'm so excited to be a guest writer on this site. Check it out!

Monday, April 25, 2016


Oh for Pete's sake. Poor Pete. I thought I would get caught up in the world of news since I had been out of the loop the last week. The first headline I see on ABC News is Cruz, Kasich conspire to stop Trump and Trump calls it collusion. Collusion is such an ominous word. Well, yeah.

Or if you want to sound dirty...it's a conspiracy! But not a secret one. This election is wearing me the fuck out. My brain is heavy.

Not only is this "collusion" a media theory, but the two have announced it. It's true! So, I guess then it is true. Yep, it must be.

Like we all didn't see that coming. Those establishment Republicans. Geesh. Well, we all know that is why Kasich is still in the race. He has no chance and anyone with half sense would bow out. But see...that way he can make a mess of the delegates and dilute the votes. Kids they are. I would almost die laughing if they lost that plan in a ball of fire. (Figuratively speaking, of course.)

It seems like the Ohio mass killing of a family might be a marijuana drug operation style execution. Holy ballz. Mary Jane is such a bitch. But the great state of Ohio will get down to the nitty gritty as 100 investigators are on the case. Shizzle me. That would have been our entire police force.

On. one. case.

It is mind blowing. However, the danger is not over for other family members they say. They said that outloud. Like on the news. Sheesh. Whoever the Rhoden family ( Cartel?) pissed off are plum mad.

Homicides and shootings everywhere including one at a prom. I can't imagine. Whiskey-tango-foxtrot. Why can't we just duke it out like the good old days?

I think I liked my life of quiet bliss without news. I might return to it.

In Fargo news, I did get another article published on Uniform Stories and I am so excited about this. Here it is in all it's glory.  It's about a lot of snark and truth: 7 Myths About Female Cops. Check it out. Woohoo! This venture is super awesome right now!

And, lastly,  this is my personal struggle with working out:

Five miles last night though was cake. I am loving it. It might just be one of those days or perhaps the music choices I made. Or perhaps it is that last hoorah before I croak. Who knows? But it was awesome!

But alas, I'm old and things do not quite work without a little grease in the joints. Ok. Stop. That sounded really bad. And I have no problem in that one spot. It's the knees! Too much ...NO! Stop. This is not the hour of gutter talk. Those issues can be found on another site.

I should train to be healthy and fit so I can live an active lifestyle. I would rather get hit by a bus than have to imagine not being able to move around at least a little freely. ..even with a Rascal or walker, you still have motion. Cops should train for that reason and to survive fights, attacks, and any enemy who presents him or herself. Why? Because the bad guy does and we don't like to lose any of those battles.

In the races, I don't want to be last, but in life, you want to be the last one standing.

Be safe! Be vigilant!