Coming home at night is dreadful right when I enter the door. I am still incredibly sad. It has been a tough two weeks. Jake's spunk and memories are everywhere. I come home to an empty dog bed and toys I need to deal with, but I leave them there. My daughter is very sensitive and kind...these things affect her hard because she is so young.
And Marcia's passing away has left a hole, but I can't even think about being poopy in her case, because she wouldn't allow it. She might "haunt" me, LOL. Maybe that is why in my head, I constantly hear her voice and the message, "Just deal with it", her favorite saying when the going got tough.
Telling the Captain and Lieutenant today about Jake choked me up, yet again... but I had to hold it together so they didn't think I was a "Sissy Bedwetter." And the sinking feeling when they look at you with shock and they just say, "Oh...shit." I mean, what can you say? It just sucks all the way around.
Crazy as it sounds, we see bad shit everyday...beyond what anyone can ever imagine...believe me, I have stories. They will be sealed in my "vault" (brain) because they are too icky. But when tragedies or death hit you or someone you know, you become a pile of jelly. Trying to be stoic just is a crock. In your mind, you know you have to go on and you do... it just takes a little time. Maybe I should put out an ad..."Buttsniffer Greeter Needed"...no, I think I will just settle for some chocolate...