Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...







Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Tribute to Tradition #5

The Captain implemented new fitness standards far and above any in the United States for municipal police officers. Even the fitness consultants said our department was extremely fit and our officers exceeded levels of fitness they had studied. So, our averages were above average. And then the Captain had to raise the bar...higher. The Captain forgot when he made the new policy that cops all age...and so does he...

In the past, he has been somewhat of a phenomenon ...in fact, he has always been known to be a FREAK of nature when it comes to fitness. He smokes like a chimney, he drinks scotch, and he loves, loves donuts. Kicks everyone's behiny in fitness. He and a sergeant used to race to see who could get the fastest mile. The record was 4.25. Yes, that's four minutes, 25 seconds. I shit you not. But those donuts...they plague him...his bribe to us...often making them a peace offering in briefing...


I have never submissed (that is a word) myself to the Captain's donuts. Are you kidding? I have resisted the temptation. The other day he asked me if I was going to have a donut. I said "no way" that I was not going to be a Fitness Failure. He said, "You can run anything off. Just run harder." I told the Captain, "You can run those donuts right up your ass." Gasps and "oh shits" followed by deer in the headlights looks came from the audience as they awaited his rath on my big mouth. But he laughed.  I can talk that way because the Captain and I have worked together for some time and he knows when I am joking. But I know when to joke and when to keep my mouth shut most days...ok...most days...

Someone (a rookie proud of his fitness) had to remind him that he was not first in the last fitness test...age, cigarettes, scotch, and party life was catching up to him. And all the rookies went to war, so three years ago he had to enlist to say that he did. And he went to war...and he returned. We are now doomed to be his little soldiers. And now a rookie just challenged him aloud. See...you should do it in silence...so if you lose...you don't look like an idiot.

But now, how is the Captain going to overcome, adapt, adjust to the inevitable...old age? I say he is not. He always reminds me I am older than he. But I would laugh should an old wise gal beat him.

The Captain is a visual man of sorts. Always has to have his charts, diagrams, and game plans. Not all bad, but sort of an overkill process. And his drawings suck. Is that a duck and roll, shoot...or a dynamic entry beat them and ask questions later diagram? We often figure it out...mostly by punting. Well, in order to appease authority and fit into the ranks of the mighty masters...if you are going to address them, you should do so accordingly...








Oh yeah, and if you think I grew balls in the last few hours...the Captain doesn't read this shit. Ya big dummy, I'm challenging the Captain in silence.

8 comments:

Star Child said...

A challenge is a challenge, in silence or not.

...And I won't tell him...Maybe...

:-)

Ed said...

Congrats.

I'm always giving my uncle shit about donuts. He's a fitness nut, but it a desk jockey cop now (Assistant Chief) and is getting older.

Momma Fargo said...

Star Child,

But if I lose...he will never know. Hee hee. And I'll bribe you...with donuts...if you don't tell. LOL.

Ed,

I have officially refrained from donuts for over 8 months. Rehab is going well!

wolfshadesblog said...

Good luck with the donut embargo. My nemesis is Starbucks Chocolate Chip cookies. Large, moist, dense. (I can hear my buddy saying "yeah, like your mother")

VandyJ said...

The donut will get you every time--or is it the scotch and cigarettes? Anyway, congrats on beating out the chief on fitness.

Momma Fargo said...

All,

I am getting hungry just reading everyone's comments! Egads!Donuts! Scotch! Cigarettes! Bring on the 40s..I'm ready.

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

What can I say? I'm laughing out loud reading your comments.." 'i am getting hungry just reading everyone's comments!!"..up there to your commenters while writing my comments!:)
Momma , priceless!
Beating donuts you must be brave!
Betty xx

Momma Fargo said...

Betty,

Sigh...my love of donuts is still there. Rehab works so far, tho.