Evidence 101

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Monday, April 19, 2010

EnvironMENTAL Monday Minute

It's that Monday thing again with Ian. Check him out here. He is funny. And it appears he drank a lot before he married his wonderful wife. You can read about that over there, too. Since last week when he got his FREAK on with everyone...he has lowered the bar of personal a little bit. And become random. But why do men always focus on poo? I don't know. It's a mystery. So here are his questions...and my replies...about shit and other things...


1 - Ever take a shit in the woods?

Hell to the NO! I usually leave it right were I find it...poo...of any kind...if I happen upon it...stays there...and then I run like hell...because it's gross...and I didn't put it there. I once took my little brother into the woods and tried to get him lost... he was a little shit. Does that count? So...I'm confused as to what you are referring to. I answered both ways, I guess. And don't give me any SHIT, either. Especially in paper bags lit on fire on my porch. And another thing...why do people look at their poo? People stare at it and other poo they find along the way, too. Why? If I did take a shit in the woods or perhaps give a shit in the woods...because pooing is giving...I wouldn't tell you...and you couldn't smell it either...because I smell like roses! And I probably buried it. Why? Why are we talking about poo?


2 - If you won $1,000, what's the first thing you would do with it besides give me (Ian) a cut?

I'd cut you alright, Mr. Ian...shank you if you tried to take my  money... or...cut you right out of that money. Shoes. Lots of them. No, just kidding. I think I would like to donate it to charity...mine. And then spend it on a spa day or two or three or four... and really nice lunches to go with...just sayin'. Would $1,000 buy a sexy escort for a day to do all that to me?

3 - What's your favorite phrase

Put your big girl panties on and deal with it..OR... Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.

The phrases were so close to meaning the same that I had to include them in the same sentence. HA! Anysaying, I thought I would include one I say a lot (first one) and one I think a lot (the second one).

My actual signature phrase is to say something really off the wall...and then after follow it with...

NOT REALLY. BUT I WANTED TO.


4 - Fill in the blank - the world would be a better place if __HATERS____ left the planet.

How can I pick just one? I could give a whole new universe of answers here.

5 - How do you take your coffee or tea?
 
Black. Rocket Fuel Black. Like my boots. Only cleaner. Without the street grime, path house sludge,  and nastiness of the hood that is stuck to them. On the bottoms anyway. The tops are spit shined. Only today. Because I had a uniform inspection. So...I like my coffee black and shiny...and very, very hot...like Gerard Butler. And in a big mug or coffee approved container, preferably.

22 comments:

Ms. Anthropy said...

*chuckle

adrienzgirl said...

HOLY HELL those were great answers. I take my coffee really really hot too. But I gots to sweeten it up a bit.

Bendigo said...

I do beleive that is the most complete answer regarding poo I've ever seen...

I think that price tag on a sexy escort would depend on your local economy, but with the internet they might travel.

Not sure if I'm the best judge on if Gerard Butler is hot or not, but I agree with the black hot coffee part...

Momma Fargo said...

Ms. Anthropy,

Hee hee.

adrienzgirl,

Thanks! And sweet in coffee is OK for cold coffees for me, but I do like hot coffee black.

Bendigo,

Gerard is hot alright.lol

Star Child said...

THUMBS UP for Gerard.

I have to have milk and sugar in my coffee. I might have some now. But it's late..Oh well.

Oh, and Momma, I am still waiting for that "man" to be delivered.

If the postal service has lost another of my men, I will go "postal". Just not good enough. Tsk.

BigSis said...

Fantastic answers. I'm impressed with the thoroughness. What a great laugh on a Monday morning! I talk about puttin gmy big girl pants on all the time!

Mass Hole Mommy said...

So I take it you don't like cream in your coffee then, LMFAO!!!

Laffylady said...

Lol...the first one LMAO...and rocket fuel...no thanks..gives me heartburn..!

wolfshades.com said...

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Black, and willing to punch the shit out of me.

wolfshades.com said...

Just kidding.

I actually like my coffee smooth and sweet.

(Which, yeah, was just like my last girlfriend)

VandyJ said...

I can agree with you on getting rid of the haters, and can we send the stupid people too?

My Mercurial Nature said...

I desperately want the nerve to use your favorite phrase IRL...and as for poo. Why ARE we talking about it? Great question. (and hysterically funny answers!)

Coffeypot said...

I don’t know what your definition of sexy escort is, but for a thousand dollars I would be happy to be your escort. Just give me a couple of days to raise the money.

Jessica said...

As always, I LOVE what you write. Great humor as usual.

You have an award on my blog.

Kimberly said...

Poo in the woods? I guess I have not looked for it.

Tea...Black

Coffee...it has to be doctored!

Momma Fargo said...

Star Child,

I put him in a crate under the plane. He should have arrived already. Dang postal service. LOL.

BigSis,

I kind of went a little overboard. LOL.

Mass Hole Mommy,

Where did you get the idea I liked black coffee? LOL.

Lafflady,

If you drink coffee like that for years, you get an iron stomach...I think. That's my version of six pack abs...inside instead of outside. LOL.

wolfshades.com,

You are so naughty. LOL.

VandyJ,

Great idea. I forgot those.

My Mercurial Nature,

Why are we talking about poo? Because a man came up with these questions...that's why...who wears fishnet stockings. :)

Coffeypot,

Get to cracka lackin'. LOL.

Jessica,

Thank you so much for the compliments and the award!

Momma Fargo said...

Kimberly,

Don't look for it. It finds you...usually on the bottom of your shoe. ICK! I can't doctor my coffee...have to have it straight up black. And lots of it. LOL.

Michelle Pixie said...

Mmmmm Hot Hot like Gerard Butler...Now that is how I'll take it!

Ian said...

Holy mammary Monday you always have the best answers. Can I beg of you to do the MM every week? Teach these fuckers how it's done!

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

Great answers, Momma! Love all of them!
When you buy that sexy escort could I borrow him for one day!
Hope you're having a great day!
Betty xx

Heather said...

Great answers! I would donate to charity, love it!

Star Child said...

In a crate? Under the plane?

They probably air dropped him into New Zealand.

Typical.

I'll get looking for him now.

Thanks x