Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Friday, May 7, 2010

The Five-O

I went to the nearest Loaf N Jug to score me some coffee. I don't get my second wind until about 9:00 PM...so at about 6:00 PM, I am not wound up enough and need lots of caffeine to sustain life.

KID: Hey, Cop!

ME: Hey, Kid!

KID: Are you the Five-O?

ME: Yep. Do you even know where the nickname Five-O came from?

KID: Yep.

ME: Where?

KID:  My dad. Every time a cop car goes by our house...my dad says, 'Oh, shit. There's the Five-O.' "

ME: Oh, really? And just where do you live?

KID: [points to the hood] North side.

ME: How old are you?

KID: 8.

ME: Drop out of school yet?

KID: Nope.

ME: Good. I bet your dad did.

KID: Yeah. He ain't finished school.

ME: You need to stay in school. And don't use the word AIN'T.

KID: Yeah.

ME: So...uh, can I meet your dad, sometime? [thinking he probably has warrants]

KID: Sure.

ME: Good. When you get home..tell him I'm going to make a surprise visit. I'll bring you an Honorary PO-lice badge.

KID: Cool. Can you bring me a Nintendo, too?

ME: *blink*blink*   Kid, the popo don't hand out Nintendos. That's Santa Claus.

KID: Oh. Well, the one my dad stole is broke.

ME: Nice. Sorry to hear that.

KID: Yeah, it sucks.

ME: You shouldn't talk like that. You're only eight.

KID: That's what my teacher says.

ME: Your teacher is smart. What are you doing here, anyway?

KID: Getting dinner. My dad gave me 6 bucks. Burritos tonight.

ME: Awesome. Why isn't your mom cooking dinner?

KID: She's in the pen.

ME: Nice. Why?

KID: Selling drugs. She didn't do it.

ME: Heard that before. Sorry to hear you don't have a mother around.

KID: Yeah. She is cool. She was helping dad. Said she did it.

ME: What? She took the rap for your dad?

KID: Yeah. Dad always says bros before hoes. What does that mean?

ME: That means your dad is so cool and knows that B comes before H in the alphabet. I need to meet him.

KID: [big cheesy smile]

ME: Make sure you give him my name. Here's my card. First tell him you don't need to be going to the store alone...then tell him I'm going to pay him a visit.

KID: [big cheesy smile]

The future generation. Oy! I think it's Global Warming or something.


RedheadedStepchild said...

omg, seriously??! How often do things like this happen?

Tree said...

Oh GOODNESS!! I would love to have been there to see the look on his face when he took your card home to his dad!! lmao

Momma Fargo said...

Redheaded Stepchild,

Every once in awhile. LOL. I work in the hood side of town.


That makes two of us. LMAO.

Bendigo said...

I get this really strange feeling that one day you will probably be talking to that kid while cuffing him..Doesn't seem fair that, already got strikes against him...

Bros before Hoes...lmao

Deb said...

Dear Lord have mercy. Some people should not be allowed to breed!

CI-Roller Dude said...

This is a case where I really thing birth control should be mandatory...snip the little guy now before he reproduces and makes more welfarecracksellin babies.

Momma Fargo said...


Yep. The kid is going to be in the system before age 10. YIKES.


You are right. God help us.

CI Roller Dude,

LMAO. You are right. Martial law rules! Just kidding.

Busted Kate said...

((Shakes head))

Seriously? I just don't get people. Mind if I add this to, "And Yet THESE people Can Procreate?"

Anonymous said...

Suck Kodak moments you have. Love that you own a nursery! Ahhhh you rock!

Brittney said...

omg how sad (but still funny) haha!!!

Momma Fargo said...

Busted Kate,

Go right ahead. Love your people who procreate posts. This one is a YIKES.


Love the nursery biz. Free entertainment at the popo job, tho.


Very sad. He did make me chuckle, then I had bad visions of our future together later down the road. LOL.

The crazy Shaw Family said...

Great heavens to Mergatroid! the future is here and it sucks!

Ann T. said...

Dear Momma Fargo,
It's a glimpse into another world. Not a good one.

Ann T.

Ms. Anthropy said...

Well... did you visit dad? I'm too impatient for cliffhangers.

Anonymous said...

OMG! That poor kid..he's freakin doomed..I love how you handled it..you know Daddy is hiding the crack pipes right about now! ;)

Crazy Brunette said...

You're such a bad ass! It's so HOT!!!

I'm always afraid of missing one of your goddamn posts!

Ooops, Emmy was late for school again... Reading Momma Fargo

Nope, sorry honey it's pizza tonight... Reading Momma Fargo

Marianne said...

Wow. Just wow. So sad.

I'm truly speechless. Kids don't deserve that kind of life.

Marianne said...

Wow. Just wow. So sad.

I'm truly speechless. Kids don't deserve that kind of life.

Momma Fargo said...

The crazy Shaw Family,

I know!

Ann T.,

I know!

Ms. Anthropy,

Not yet. LOL. Getting pleasure out of him stewing at home first.


Can't wait until I find them. :)

Crazy Brunette,

You crack me up! I got nothin' for a couple days. So rest up. LMAO.


I know! I know! LOL.

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

My goodness, so sad, Momma. I love children,
I can't even think of it! They don't deserve that sort of life.
B xx

Blommi (formerly reddoggie) said...

Sounds like a nice pit stop for a DCYF investigator.

Bethany said...

Wow...poor kid doesn't stand a chance.

*LLUVIA* said...

wow...just wow...

not surprised, though; I grew up in the hood, so I grew up seeing stuff like this.

(came over from Busted Plumbing, who made a reference to your post on her blog)


Did you end up following him home? I'm glad to be in my little bubble, my oldest doesn't even know what drugs are yet.... He's only 4 and 3/4, but still.... I'm glad he's in my bubble....