The night was still, dark, and the cooling temperatures of fall were starting to creep through my uniform. Clouds moved in and a silent, gentle rain fell all night. Luck would have it the rangemaster announced shotgun qualifications under these circumstances. And so...Lunch Money and I made our way through the storm toward the range.
Loaded up and ready for war, I felt like Milla Jovovich from Resident Evil...only not that hot.
The Rangemaster announced the qualifications and we proceeded to our marks. Starting from the 50 yard line, we worked our way forward. Me with a shotgun is like hot sex. I love them. Especially modified tactical style with a pistol grip and a shorty stock. Pump action. Although most of the guys prefer the Benelli semi-auto. I'm all about the pump action Remington 870 modified. And I look cool. That's what counts when you are a girl with a big gun.
Lunch Money and I did as the Rangemaster said. His shots were right on and so our competition began. Even though we were there to qualify, Lunch Money and I had a little game going. That's what happens when you get two girls together. Power struggle. And he was such a bitch.
Approaching the 5 yard line, we were neck and neck and almost to the end of the qualification. Advancing toward our targets, our senses were elevated with the rain and darkness. We could hear our boots pounding the ground as we came upon our targets. The final command was set and we fired our last rounds.
RANGEMASTER: 96, what the hell did you just do?
ME: [blowing raindrops off my hair] Uh, I shot the target right through the middle and killed the bastard like I was supposed to.
RANGEMASTER: No. I saw that. What the hell are you doing firing that weapon from the hip.
ME: I just saw Resident Evil 3D. And it's cool to shoot like that. And the bad guy is dead. And I didn't miss. And I looked cool....like Milla. Did I say I looked cool and I killed him?
RANGEMASTER: What the fuck does Milla have to do with police qualifications?
ME: She's hot.
RANGEMASTER: I don't know what we are going to do with you.
ME: Well, you don't state in your qualification policy that I have to have the front sight picture alignment and the gun at my face. So...in real life, I will probably do the same thing. Sometimes you are so close to your threat, you have to aim and fire. Sometimes you have to adapt to the little alien zombies.
RANGEMASTER: We are shooting people here! Not aliens! Not zombies!