Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...







Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Bouncy Butt Pluggers

My first encounter working with the man was in 1998. We met on my first suspicious death scene as an evidence technician...all our technicians are sworn officers. He was tall, elderly, but stoic and carried his intelligence around just as much as his friendly smile.

The house was in the BIG TREE AREA and the man had been dead many days. He was found by two friends who entered the home. They immediately suspected he died a horrible death...the house was ransacked...he was naked...porn was up on the computer... S & M gadgets were hanging from the ceiling including a large penis mouse trap...that said...."insert dick here for optimal pleasure." Ouch. I even cringed at the thought...and I didn't have a dick.

All the kitchen cupboards were open...plastic sacks everywhere. Food dumped out of the pantry cupboard and spilled cereal...half eaten. Toilet paper rolls strewn all over the utility room...with claw marks in them.  Everything else was neat and tidy.  Lots of cats. Everywhere. Running around freaked out at our presence.

Only I didn't suspect a homicide like the ladies. Cats. They were hungry. Scared. Been left alone with a dead man for a few days. Naturally...they would play with the toilet paper and plastic sacks. And try to find food. The cupboards opened easy and were not level, so some of them never stayed shut.

Doc agreed with me. No homicide. The autopsy later confirmed that. Probably a heart attack while on the shitter. But the victim was a peculiar man. Doc and I were fascinated with his life and had to explore...well, there was that...and a search warrant.

A well-known forensic pathologist, Doc had credentials longer than Center Street. He had testified in many famous trials. Been on 60 Minutes. Cold Case. In books. We were lucky to have him. I learned a lot over the years from him. Most of all...I learned a lot about deviant sex from our first case together.

The victim was found naked...face first in the kitty litter box...full of kitty poo. When we turned him over...he had a duct taped penis. Shaved body. The porn on his computer showed him dressed up in women's clothing and in various S & M poses...and hanging from his dick stuck in his penis trap from the ceiling. Apparently the cats were also famous porn stars and various pics included them in all their fluffiness being sexually manipulated. Way gross.

The treasures were endless. The detectives had initially disagreed with our findings of a cat ransacking and had obtained a search warrant. Ohhh... the fun we were about to have... that hadn't happened yet. It didn't take long into the execution of the search warrant to discover a man who lived in an underground world.

ME: What the? Cepi, what in the world is this?

OFFICER CEPI: Ewwww....what is that?

It squiggled. It moved when my gloved finger touched in. Neat and tidy and in order in the top dresser drawer. Somehow I felt (no pun intended)  it had been important in this man's life.

DOC: Let me see.

ME: See....ick.

DOC picked them up without gloves and wiggled them around. And placed them against his chest.

DOC: These are some of the best silicone bra inserts I have ever seen. See? Feel.

I poked one. Cepi poked one. We grimaced. Eww.

DOC: They have serial numbers on them. See? He must have put these in when he dressed up in women's clothing.

ME: Ucky.

CEPI: Way ucky.

DOC: At least he was clean. These were important to him because they were orderly and clean. And on the top drawer.

Cepi and I continued to search despite the fact we both thought we had no homicide. Ok. So we were ordered to search. Dang authority.

The bottom drawer contained the Mother Load. Cepi fell backward when he pulled "IT" out of the drawer. It was blue. Way blue. Like police blue. With a thing. Hard thing.

I. SCREAMED. LIKE. A. GIRL.

ME: What the hell is that thing?

CEPI: I don't know. I'm afraid to touch it.

DOC finally saw our demise and put on some rubber gloves and joined our treasure hunting.

DOC: Oh. Yes. I see.

ME: What?

CEPI: Yeah, what?  I don't get it.

DOC: It's a bouncy butt plugger, don't you know? Like a Hippity Hop with a butt plugger...a Hippity Hop with a hard on. See...he bounced and you know the rest.

ME: Ok. Ok. NO more. I'm done.

CEPI: Me too. Let's go to the kitchen.

Doc laughed. I think he liked to freak us out. And that was just the beginning.

We were to have a lot of fun on future calls. We all admired him for his accomplishments, prestige, and intelligence. Yet, he was a kind and simple man. Very kind. And he loved cops.

A couple years ago, Doc finally retired. Dementia had started to kick in and he realized he should step down from decades of being the County Coroner and only pathologist in Wyoming. Many people did not know of his mental condition. He had stopped doing autopsies two years prior to his retirement. Not because of his Dementia, but because he was old and his eyes were tired. But we always learned from him.
The last few years of his political reign as Coroner, he had consulted me on several infant deaths. I always got a hug and kiss when he greeted me. He was 80 when he left office.

He passed away in his home Saturday after losing his beloved wife to cancer a few years ago. She had been his fire and drive for life. After she passed away, the liveliness in him had become deflated, although he tried to stay chipper for everyone that worked close to him.  His voice always rang in my ears everytime I've been at an autopsy remembering what he taught me about how a body endures death, as it will continue when something strikes his memory. It was an honor and privilege for me to have worked with him. He will be sorely missed.

I can still hear his distinct voice and laugh..." It's a bouncy butt plugger, don't you know? "

23 comments:

Dazee Dreamer said...

I love it when you can have a cool relationship with someone like that. And you don't really realize how much they have touched your life, until they are gone.

Slamdunk said...

Thanks for sharing a great tribute to a professional.

I am really trying not to think about the bouncy thing though--good thing NFL replay is on in the background so I won't get grossed out.

VandyJ said...

I read about his passing in the paper. It sounds like you have good memories.

peedee said...

awwwwww! I'm sorry your friend died. It sounds like he had a fabulous life though and a job and friends he loved. We should all be so lucky.

And you know what a butt plug is now!!

Hiya Momma. I've missed you. ;)

xoxo

singedwingangel said...

Umm ok and I thought I was twisted but yeah that guy had me and a ton of others beat. Kind of reminds me of the episode of CSI Las Vegas when the guy was found dead in a wolf suit..and there was a whole underground of ummm shall we say special individuals who would dress up in animal costumes, have a seminar and go to the woods and as they called it " Yiff" each other in aforementioned costumes.. ummyeah..
My condolences on your loss. At least he kept a sense of humor about him , which I am sure in that job was a requirement

Allenspark Lodge said...

I'm sorry, Momma Fargo. You kinda of feel like a piece of history is lost when someone like this passes; so much knowledge lost. Be grateful you had the chance to absorb as much as you did. Now you get to pass it on to your newbie recruits.
Juanita

passionofthemom said...

OMG, that title grabbed me by the short and curlies and dragged me in here! LMAO HAS GOT TO BE the greatest story about a search warrant I have ever heard! xD

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's passing. Losing a close friend has always been the hardest thing I've ever gone through in my life, and I hope to god nothing worse than that happens before I die. He sounds like he was a real joy to be around, and I'm sure I would have liked him!! =)
Beautiful post!!

Donda said...

Sorry to hear about your friend :(

I am kind of simple so I should probably Google bouncy butt plugger!

suz said...

I'm sorry you have lost a friend. He sounds like a man we all should be lucky enough to have known.

The Queen said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your long time friend..

I so wish you had been training wheels during the call you just described ...

oh the blog fodder that would have been. You and Doc would have had so much fun with that..

Mrs Mom said...

RIP DOC.

Just think Momma, there is a good probability that one of these days you too can shock the snot out of Wheels with a Bouncy Butt Plugger, and give him something to remember forever.

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
It's always sad to have such great mentors pass away.

You tend to think of them as timeless people...immortal in some aspects...and as long as you (and others) keep their memories alive, they WILL be.

Roll safe out there.

Coffeypot said...

“...and I didn't have a dick.” I know you didn’t. You divorced him.

And I’m sorry for the loss of your friend and co-worker. He sounded like a great man to know. But I am a little disappointed, though. From the title of this post I thought you were gonna post about some of my experiences. Strange, but some ladies really like that.

CI-Roller Dude said...

my mom used to tell me to always put on clean underwear...just incase I got hit by a car and had to go the hospital...

do ya' think if this guy knew he was going to die that day, he would have cleaned things up a little?

MONICA-LnP said...

ewwww!way gross but did it stop me from reading NO!lol
RIP Doc

Daffy said...

Rest well, Doc...

You have the most amazing stories. When does the book come out?

Bethany said...

He sounds like a great man, and I'm sorry for your loss.

The only thing funnier than 'bouncy butt plug' being said is that it was said by someone of such his stature!

Deb said...

Aww. So sorry to hear this. It sounds like he was an incredible person...I'm glad you have wonderful memories of him.

BBP(nope, can't even type is--ick, ick, ick)made me throw up a little (((shudder)))

TechnoBabe said...

You learn so much in your line of work, maybe more than you would like to know sometimes. Sorry to hear of a great man leaving this life but it sounds like he contributed much and lived a long and full life.

The Grumpy Dispatcher said...

Sorry for your loss, but I love the way you remember him for the good times. Your story also reminded me of when we ran a call for a guy who coded while engaged in serious kinky shenanigans with his significant other. She claimed that she came home and found him that way. Funny, he was still viable and we ran with it, though we had to move a lot of accessories out of the way to work him. Maybe she just had good timing coming home. Right.

Mass Hole Mommy said...

Awww, so sad. How can you not miss someone so fun to be around?

Jessica said...

Sorry to hear about your loss. Hopefully he and his wife are having fun swapping stories in heaven.

#167 Dad said...

I'm sorry for your loss.
Intense story...