Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Friday, March 25, 2011

Seasonal Changes....Porn Stars

Something was different this morning.

It wasn't the fact today is the Chief's last day and I have to attend his farewell ceremony.

It wasn't the fact there was no wind.

It wasn't the fact the Captain promoted some unlikely candidates for interim positions. They are all under 5-8 under 170 pounds and have the same hairdo...bald or metrosexual. He's creating the master race.

Nope. None of that.

It was the air. It had rained last night. The smell of fresh sagebrush did something outside.

Geese were pairing up on the river.

Two blue heron were on one of the islands.

Two egrets were in the swamp.

Meadowlarks sounded off in the meadow.

Doves and magpies hung in the branches of the forest next to the house.

The Mighty River was raging higher and had come up 8 inches.

It was beautiful.

And then...Bug saw them...all bazillion of them...

BUG: Mom. Look.

I looked outside the big front windows...


BUG: Mommy, aren't they funny?

ME: Oh. Yes. [little fornicators]

BUG: [giggle] They're so cute.

ME: Aha. So cute. [you little perverts]

BUG: Why do they do that?

ME: [not going to give the real answer] They are fighting over which one gets to be the Easter Bunny.

BUG: Wow, mom. I wonder which one is going to win.

ME: If it were my choice..it would be the one that lays Cadbury Cream Eggs. [what...are they all that horny.. When are they going to stop? Egads]

BUG: Do any of these lay Cadbury Cream eggs, Mom?

ME: No, honey, we can't get that lucky. That bunny is far, far away...in a land called Candyland.

So...it went. On this day, my daughter got to watch porn in the front yard. Life is bliss.


Older School said...

Love bugs!! Nasty little sex fiends.
They have only one focused goal in their short little lives....fornicate. Well, if you had only 1 thing you could choose in a short life span, what would it be?

Cheryl said...

Damn, you are FUNNY.( also, thanks for visiting my blog)
Cheryl P.

TechnicalBuddha said...

Makes me think of the bad touch by the bloodhound gang.

Allenspark Lodge said...

Your post ties together start to finish.

"They are all under 5-8 under 170 pounds and have the same hairdo...bald or metrosexual. He's creating the master race."

"ME: Oh. Yes. [little fornicators]"

"ME: Aha. So cute. [you little perverts]"



VandyJ said...

No wind! Tells you I know your city doesn't it?
Silly little fornicators--hope the show was worth it.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I'll tell you, I am so ready for seasonal changes, temperatures are still in the minus figures here and I'm chomping at the bit to get outside and defrost. And maybe see some fornicating birds too. :)

suz said...

"They are fighting over which one gets to be the Easter Bunny."

Classic. What a mom!

Dee said...

ROFLMAO @ Candyland!

middle child said...

Ahhhh. Nature porn. Almost as good as the real thing!

Ed said...

I see nothing wrong with that Master race.

And I see nothing wrong with the bunnies activity.

Allenspark Lodge said...

You are a coward :) Funny, but a coward. It's a whole lot funnier to traumatize the kids. Just ask my heathi. RCC's the master at traumatizing them.


Ms. A said...

Telephone bugs... they say hello and hang up!

Coffeypot said...

It seems everyone in the universe is getting laid but you...and me.

Deb said...

Bwa ha ha ha!!! Love it.

stay safe!

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
You got yourself one marvelous daughter!

And your "explanation" of the Easter Bunny - "Cadbury Connection" was brilliant!

Those post-rainfall scents make you really BELIEVE that world isn't all THAT bad...just when you're on duty.

Enjoy the scenery, the lawn "porn" and the rest of the weekend.

Roll safe out there.

Mad Mind said...

Please tell me you saw jackalopes. We all know they exist. Right? :)

Kellyansapansa said...

What a fabulous way to find out about the birds and the bees. And the bunnies.

Mad Jack said...

Easter Bunny, huh?
That's a good one! I'm going to pass that along where it will do the most good. Credit to Momma Fargo and all that.

Bethany said...


I'll never forget the time we visited the Detroit Zoo & had to explain a thing or two about zebras.....ZEBRAS! WTF!

Day 2 Day Living said...

Oh we had cow porn by our house a few months ago. Only my kids are old enough to know what they were doing so I had to hear about it for days.

Julie said...

You are so funny. You make me laugh and you know, you just have them on the days I could really handle a good one. Or at least at the time I read your posts. Today was a great day, tonight a stressful one. Thanks for sharing.
Take care, be careful and God Bless!!

MONICA-LnP said...

did they really go "boing boing boing"?? next time take pics!

Tennessee Grammie said...

You are soooooooo creative and quick thinking! Someday Bug is going to get a good laugh out of that conversation. It will come in handy for her to use when the day comes with her children. We loved it!