I've been a narc. Not a snitch, mind you, but narcoleptic. I can't stay awake. Broken sleep and long hours are taking their toll. No matter how hard I try, the last two days have killed me on duty...or should have. I was just lucky I had Officer Squirrel to keep me in line. And we haven't lacked action. Fires. Burglaries. Assaults. Officer Squirrel and I even witnessed a drive by shooting. At least at that moment I had been wide awake.
We were writing reports in a parking lot when two GOOBS and by GOOBS, I mean the dumbest criminals ever, decided to do a drive by shooting in front of the PoPo. They were so dumb, it isn't even worth writing about, but I'll share just a little.
Not only did they shoot at people in front of the PoPo, but they threw the gun out the window in front of the PoPo...on film. Oh,..and they had drugs. Needless to say...they went to jail. We also discovered they were burglars and had a fencing business (not structural).
However, the detectives didn't want to come out and work the case because "Fargo is certainly capable"...so I got stuck with it.
During the interview...the "Mastermind" had a few choice words that struck me as funny. Not only funny, but I downright smiled big during his confession of the crimes and his "bookkeeping" explanations.
MASTERMIND: I keep everything written down for the IRS.
ME: Oh do ya? Do tell.
MASTERMIND: Well, I don't really have to report my business and income to the IRS because I keep everything on the books under $4,000 so I don't have to pay taxes.
ME: You don't say?
MASTERMIND: Yep. All the stuff is in my backpack on paper so if I ever get audited, I have my books.
ME: You are very brilliant. So...running a business like that, you must know where to get the best inventory.
MASTERMIND: Yep. Mostly electronics. They sell the best.
ME: I see. Locked or unlocked?
ME: Do you retrieve your inventory from locked or unlocked warehouses?
MASTERMIND: Oh. Unlocked. I don't break into anything.
ME: Good plan. Since the doors are unlocked, do you feel they are allowing you to get into their vehicles or giving you permission?
MASTERMIND: Yes. It's like an open sign on a business, you can walk right in.
ME: I see. Perhaps we should see if the State agrees with you. [pulling out a statute book]Oh, lookey here. It says in this state statute book that conducting business like that is a "No No." In fact, a felony. But then again, you knew that, didn't you, being a smart business man and all?
MASTERMIND: Uh. I guess this means I am going to jail?
ME: Well, I think so. Oh and don't worry about the IRS. I won't tell them a thing. I'm not a fed.
MASTERMIND: Oh. Thanks. You are doing me a big favor.