Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...







Thursday, March 31, 2011

GRANDmother

The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home.


Confucius (BC 551-BC 479) Chinese philosopher.


From my daughter's favorite philosopher..."Confused"...comes many wise words.  I think that is where Grandma got her mission in life. She always "drove" the home...with strength...with honor...with love...and most of all by example. She definitely defines MATRIARCH.

Once...at a very young adult age...I wrote her and grandpa a letter that I hoped to be as great and honorable as they had led their lives. The letter was just to tell them how exceptional they were and how much they meant to me.  I always fell short, but kept their pedestal as a focal point. I don't know any two people near as great as either one of them. Together...they are the foundation of my family. Loved by everyone...far and wide...family...friends...community.

Bug's fondest memories of Grandma are of chasing ladybugs around the window sills in Minnesota on the farm...setting some free and squishing others. Grandma squishing....Bug setting them free. A team they were. Bug still gets excited and remembers Grandma with every ladybug she sees.

My memories span over 43 years of history with my Grandma. Words cannot even touch the many wonderful times.

One of the most funny and most "traumatizing" moments with her was during a family game. We were divided into teams...one person was chosen to give the clue words...the other had to guess the word. Aunt Rita was cuing words for Grandma...at the time...aged 91...to guess the word.

AUNT RITA: A long...

GRANDMA: Uh...

AUNT RITA: hard...

GRANDMA: PENIS! PENIS!

AUNT RITA: journey

Well...let's just say the game stopped at PENIS. I never laughed so hard in my life. First of all, she was 91 and my grandma. Second, I didn't think she was around when the word "penis" was invented...let alone that she even spoke of the word. When it rolled off her lips...I am sure I needed years of therapy. Then after my sessions....Grandma was so cool...even more so than before.  It was one of the funniest moments of my life.

My mother telephoned me minutes ago before I am off to work undercover alcohol stings. My brother got on the phone and told me the family is praying...but it doesn't look good. Wish I could toast one tonight for my Grandma. She is one of the finest ladies I have ever known. She's almost 95 years old.

Tonight I will surely not be concentrating on my work...but on prayers for G. My mother said it best as I could do nothing but ball my head off....

"Honey, don't be sad. She has had a most wonderful life. Just pray."

Friday, March 25, 2011

Seasonal Changes....Porn Stars

Something was different this morning.

It wasn't the fact today is the Chief's last day and I have to attend his farewell ceremony.

It wasn't the fact there was no wind.

It wasn't the fact the Captain promoted some unlikely candidates for interim positions. They are all under 5-8 under 170 pounds and have the same hairdo...bald or metrosexual. He's creating the master race.

Nope. None of that.

It was the air. It had rained last night. The smell of fresh sagebrush did something outside.

Geese were pairing up on the river.

Two blue heron were on one of the islands.

Two egrets were in the swamp.

Meadowlarks sounded off in the meadow.

Doves and magpies hung in the branches of the forest next to the house.

The Mighty River was raging higher and had come up 8 inches.

It was beautiful.

And then...Bug saw them...all bazillion of them...

BUG: Mom. Look.

I looked outside the big front windows...

BOING! BOING! BOING! BOING! BOING! BOING! BOING! BOING!

BUG: Mommy, aren't they funny?

ME: Oh. Yes. [little fornicators]

BUG: [giggle] They're so cute.

ME: Aha. So cute. [you little perverts]

BUG: Why do they do that?

ME: [not going to give the real answer] They are fighting over which one gets to be the Easter Bunny.

BUG: Wow, mom. I wonder which one is going to win.

ME: If it were my choice..it would be the one that lays Cadbury Cream Eggs. [what...are they all that horny.. When are they going to stop? Egads]

BUG: Do any of these lay Cadbury Cream eggs, Mom?

ME: No, honey, we can't get that lucky. That bunny is far, far away...in a land called Candyland.

So...it went. On this day, my daughter got to watch porn in the front yard. Life is bliss.