Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...







Sunday, June 9, 2013

Butt Seriously?

Dogs are like old men. I swear. Otis won't go up the stairs. He gets to the first landing and stops.

5:09 a.m.

Moose: nudge arm, nudge arm

ME: swat away

Moose: nudge arm, nudge arm

ME: roll over

Moose: nudge butt, nudge butt   stare down

ME: FINE!

So, I get out of bed at the butt crack of dawn. As I walk down the stairs, or zombie waddle, Moose goes Mach 7 between my legs and meets Otis at the landing. Otis is wagging his tail. Beat me.

I take them to the back yard to do their business.

Otis: Pee Pee Pee Pee...dribble dribble stop

Moose: Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee. Stop. Circle circle circle circle circle circle circle circle and poop.

I climbed up the stairs and plopped back in bed.

5:49 a.m.

Moose: nudge arm, nudge arm

ME: Roll over, ignore

Moose: nudge butt, nudge butt stare down

ME: Seriously? You just went.

So, I get out of bed AGAIN and zombie waddle downstairs, Moose runs Mach 7 downstairs to meet Otis at the landing.

ME: You suck.

Otis: wag, wag, I love you, wag, wag.

I take them to the back yard to do their business.

Otis: Pee Pee Pee...dribble dribble stop

Moose: Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee Pee. Stop.

I climbed back up the stairs to try to get my shut eye until my alarm was to go off at 6:30 a.m.

6:11 a.m.

Moose: nudge butt, nudge butt, nudge butt, nudge butt, nudge butt, whine whine whine stare down

ME: I really want to beat you. Go away.

Otis: whine whine, prance on stairs, prance on stairs, owwww roof roof prance on stairs

ME: Beat me.

So, I get out of bed AGAIN AGAIN and zombie waddle downstairs. Moose ran Mach 7 downstairs, pushed me against the railing and met Otis at the landing where Otis was wagging and prancing.

I took them outside to do their business.

Otis: Pee Pee...dribble. Stop.

ME: You better do more than that, Little Mister.

Otis: Poop...waddle...poop...waddle. Stop.

Moose: squirrel stare down

ME: Moose, do something.

Moose: squirrel stare down. Not moving. Pees on his own leg. squirrel stare down

ME: Are you kidding me? Now I have to wipe and clean you? )(*^#&*$(@*&@#

Yep. Seniors. I should be working in a nursing home. At least I'd get paid for this.


9 comments:

Allenspark Lodge said...

Love it! You ARE getting paid for this; think of all the great BUTT work they are helping you with - besides all that unconditional love you just can't find anywhere else in life - butt from the faithful dog(s).
Love ya too.
Bionic Cowgirl

southofinsanity said...

rofl! Hysterical. Old dogs And middle of the night..... kinda like infants.

Ms. A said...

Senior dogs need an extra dose of patience, that's for sure. Oh, but the unconditional love they give back is worth it!

Coffeypot said...

Moose and I have a lot in common. I get up a couple of times during the night to pee, and I would nudge your butt, too.

The Queen said...

OMG.. I can just see this happening to you. Moose.. you stopped up? You better hope Moose does not pop the cork on your fav shoes woman!

GunDiva said...

Do dogs have prostates? 'Cause Otis is having enlarged prostate symptoms, just catheterize him and make him wear a leg bag at night ;)

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
In life, it's not always the "IFs" or "ANDs" that get to us...it's the "BUTTS"...lol.
(especially with pets)

Hang in there.
Stay safe

Chelsea said...

Too funny! You didn't really want any sleep did you?

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

They sound worse than kids. Sorry, MF. I hope you caught some shut-eye since you wrote this.

xoRobyn