Evidence 101

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Thursday, June 13, 2013

Farm Fresh

BUG: Mom, we are getting fat since we moved here. Look at me.

ME: You are not. You are a kid. Fat. ME. Yes. Uh. That's what happens when you are poor.

BUG: Why?

ME: Carbs are cheap.

BUG: What are carbs?

ME: Energy food like bread, pasta, processed food, stuff filled with gluten, other stuff. You know the stuff that tastes good.

BUG: Oh. Like ice cream?

ME:  Well, yes, but ice cream isn't cheap. It's an American Conspiracy. The fat thing.

BUG: Uh. Mom. Kid. Here.

ME: Oh. Yeah. Well, they lower the prices on fat food in stores because gluten free is in and healthy shit. Then they also put lots of carb food in the food banks. It's America's way of destroying itself. Everyone is blaming it on Obama and Congress, but it's really the FDA's fault. The FDA is slowly killing America by making us fat and defenseless. And not that we don't need carbs. We need them. Just not every single dish. And not in high doses. Unless you are a Navy Seal.  Oy. I think they should lower healthy food beneath fat food prices and force the processed food and high carb companies to get healthy because no one will buy their expensive food. But then no one would be rich. The world would all be poor. Or maybe we should go back to fresh markets and buy things daily or weekly. Then it's fresh. And since organic and farm fresh isn't made or maintained with chemicals and icky seeds, why does it cost more? I want to put a sign on me at the corner that I AM ORGANIC. But then I would be lying because I eat some of that other food. Maybe I should just start grazing on the lawn.

BUG: Uh. Mom.

ME:  Oh, yeah, I haven't started my hooker business yet. Sound like a crazy person, don't I?

BUG: Yes.

ME:  Well, it made sense in my mind. Anyway, that's why we are running and doing CrossFit all the time. Because I am fighting the government conspiracy. And I prefer Farm Fresh.

BUG: What?

ME: I don't like the word fat unless you talk about Otis. We are Farm Fresh.

BUG: Mom, you don't even make sense.

ME: This I know.

7 comments:

Ms. A said...

I just commented this on another blog... why does the stuff that's better for you, cost more???

The Queen said...

you can still get cheap gin. I don't drink cheap gin, but you can still find it.

GunDiva said...

I am definitely farm fresh.

I've always wondered why it's so expensive to eat healthy. Now I know. It's an FDA conspiracy.

Coffeypot said...

I'm only Farm Fresh in the belly. The rest is just hickey bate.

Allenspark Lodge said...

What do you know. Farm Fresh Head sounds almost okay.

Farm Fresh Ass still sounds pretty bad, though.

Bill

Angelwithatwist said...

OH yeah I am as Farm Fresh as they come.. oh btw I just dropped a pimp for your store page on the page I admin on that has ohhh 21500 followers.. soooo expect page company lol.

Moose said...

Gluten free food is important to those with gluten intolerance.

In those who don't have problem with gluten, eating gluten-free food will not make you healthier or thinner.

It's yet another example of people taking a real medical problem (as gluten intolerance often manifests as "bloating" and sometimes weight gain) and turning it into a get-rich marketing scam. And once again, people in the US buy it. (pun intended).

Health comes from exercise, not weight. Studies done on fat people who exercised more but were forbidden to lose weight found them healthier than those who didn't exercise. And if you believe in the scientifically inaccurate BMI, those who live the longest and healthiest are those who fit into either the "fat" or "obese" categories.

So stop obsessing about food and MOVE.