Many have asked why? Many have said, "Whoa!" Others have said..."Man, what was your problem?"
I can't answer those questions! I was abducted by aliens as I told one person.
I just shielded it from my friends, family, and the blog world because I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I have moved on and now I can laugh about it and obviously write about it in friction type fashion.
It may have changed your views of me or disappointed you in some way. Maybe Fargo wasn't what you thought or expected. It's all good. I know who I am.
I make no excuses for my mistakes, but only taken them now in stride and learn from them. I have had a colorful life to say the least. I really have no hatred of anything, not even my ex-husbands. I say that plural, because I am hopefully soon going to be single again. I was in the emotional sense for two years.
We can't expect that all our advice is going to resonate in some one's mind to make them see it the way I do, you do, we do. You can offer it. That's all you can do. You can't make someone do what you think is right. They have to figure it out themselves. Often it's the hard way. For me, I know only that way in life. (Big cheesy grin)
I am not depressed. I have felt depressed on and off at moments in my life, and even had extended periods of grief with family deaths and the miscarriages, but never to the depths of hell. I never contemplated suicide...I don't think like that.
Can I sympathize with those that are in depression or have a sense of "lostness" they can't recover from? Absolutely. I can't understand staying there. I know some people's coping works different than mine.
I don't work that way. I could never stay in a state of darkness too long. There is a time to pick your ass up and move on. I can take a lot. I bounce back. I have this deep appreciation for life. I love myself...really, I do!
I guess you can think of me in two parts. The stone faced humorous cop who can drill down a perp like no other. Then, there is the personal side that has taken these crazy paths, loses herself, then takes the other fork in the road, finds herself, and say...oh, there you are! I missed you! I'm like a puppy chasing its tail, so to speak.
Crazy polar opposites. Maybe that is why my careers have been so solid, strong, and over ambitious. I'm overcompensating for my lost personal life. LOL. It's probably because my personal life never was normal. I had family tragedies, no love of a decent man, struggles, great personal triumphs, and happy moments. My career has been a steady hill climb, my personal life has been peaks and valleys...different kind of wildernesses. There. That sums it up.
It doesn't mean I wished I had taken different paths in my life. I have accepted the ways I have chosen or the way life has taken me. I have learned, moved on, laughed.
I laugh a lot.
I am a positive person. I know, it's crazy! I love life and I live it to the fullest! I'm not drunk or even naked writing this, so you know it is of sound mind.
So...don't worry about me...I'm great! Don't be sad. Just be happy and say...damn, I'm glad that's not me! Or...geez, I'm not that fucked up. And then remember that I really am strong and I'm still Fargo. For reals!