I love English majors. I am not one. I am a far cry from perfect in any realm. However, it would be nice if everyone spoke the same accent as is the middle of the USA, i.e....Rocky Mountain region. Do you ever notice your news anchors talk like they are from Wyoming?
They do not have southern drawls. They do not have Minnesota Norweigan accents. They do not pock their cah in the yahd. It is a hay loft, not a hay mow.
However, there is one thing I am not...IMPOTENT. I know this, because I checked. Twice. Only one species can define this word and it is not the chick version.
Therefore, if you are in the near south, you must listen carefully, lest you make yourself look silly.
In my case, that could happen.
If I don't understand you, I will have raised brows, a snarl, and have a somewhat strange look on my face, but I will nod and just pick out a few words and put together my own sentences to piece-meal what I think it is you are saying. Or...if you ramble on and on...I will do the same thing...nod in affirmation and maybe interject a few words. Am I listening to you? Halfway. Do I understand the conversation? Parts.
What kills me is the language barrier. I speak cowboy. No one understands me and I find myself thinking they should have me in Near South Language Immersion classes. I guess essentially, I am.
For instance, the language barrier is often to my disadvantage.
Last night, I dropped some mail on the sidewalk and a nice young man picked it up for me. Handing it to me, he stated...
RED: Mam, you dropped something. Packetsin somethin. Here ya go.
ME: Thank you.
RED: Y'all welcome. Wow. You have a lot of packetsin in letters. You must be impotent.
ME: [looking down] What?
RED: Impotent. You must be. Look at all that mail you are carrying. No wonder you fall down.
ME: Ok. Yep. Gravity is a bitch.
RED: I don't know of her.
ME: Yep. Well, thank you.
RED: Yoo noo?
ME: Pardon me?
RED: You new round here?
ME: Uh. I guess so. Been here almost 8 months.
RED: Guess I recken haven't seen ya outinabout much. Usually knews about folks whos news in town.
ME: Uh. Ok. Then.
RED: Ok. Have a nice day, mam!
ME: You too.
And on the second day, Fargo hibernated. Because she was impotent and folks knows news about her packet sins or something.