Attending my daughter's first home volleyball game was a treat. It was different. It was not the same as when I played back when stone tablets were used as composition notebooks. The rules have changed. The uniforms have gotten slutty. They don't match. It's crazy.
One thing remains the same, however. There is always that one creeper that sits next to Fargo. It couldn't be more obvious. I opt for the nosebleed section where I can have my back to the wall and I can zoom in and not disturb anyone while I take pics of Bug.
Except the creepers follow me there. Not only did the creeper come up to nosebleed section where only I chose to dwell, but he sat right next to me and smiled. I did the fake smile thing. He didn't notice. It wasn't too long into the first match when I observed him checking out the girls.
Not just "the girls" but THE girls. Mine.
Being the helpful person I am, I leaned over to him sorta close....because my whispering was going to disturb someone up there (eye roll)...
ME: It's fun to watch the girls, isn't it?
CREEPER: Yep. Yep.
ME: Which one do you like better?
ME: Do you have a favorite? Any relatives out there?
CREEPER: Oh. No.
ME: I see.
CREEPER: Yep. Yep.
ME: They just normally out there bouncing all over the floor like that where you usually see them?
CREEPER: What? Huh?
ME: (talking louder because he must be deaf) The girls? They are bouncy!
CREEPER: Yah. Yah. They never sit still.
ME: You like the brown or the green ones?
ME: The teams. Which team?
CREEPER: Oh. They are both fun to watch.
By now, I didn't know if I had a dirty old man who was watching THE girls and THAH girls. Who sits up in nosebleed next to Fargo except some perv?
After the first set of matches, two more old codgers joined me and I felt I was at the raisin ranch. They asked Creeper if he was driving the bus. That did it.
ME: You drive the bus? For the other team?
CREEPER: Yah. Yah.
ME: I was set up.
ME: You always have to watch out for the green ones.
ME: I'm brown.
ME: Never mind. You get enough naps in?
GREEN 1: Earl take a nap? Hee hee.
ME: Yup. More than one.
GREEN 2: (yelling for no apparent reason other than he didn't have his hearing aids) Earl! Earl! You best not be napping when you drive them home, now.
ME: That makes me feel much better. Go green.
CREEPER: You got a kid on the green team?
ME: (sigh) I really have no idea anymore.
GREEN 1: You don't know which kid is yours?
ME: Nope. I know I have a couple of girls. That's it.
GREEN 2: Do you need us to help you find them?
ME: Nah. I think I will manage to round them up when it's time to leave.
GREEN 1: Ok. Well, we will help you if you ask us.
ME: Yep. Yep.
GREEN 2: Earl! Go get the bus started. It's time.
GREEN 1: The bus.
CREEPER: Oh. Yah. Gotta go. Nice meetin' ya, Miss.
ME: Yep. Yep. Same here.
GREEN 1: We can keep you company until you find your girls if you want.
ME: Oh, that's OK. I don't want to hold you up. You go do what you gotta do.
GREEN 2: Well, let's go find our girls. Grandkids. Sure hard to keep up with them these days.
ME: Duct tape.
GREEN 2: Huh? Oh...yah. Hee hee. Duct tape them to the floor. That will hold 'em.
ME: Yep. I usually do it the other way, tho.
GREEN 2: I don't follow.
ME: Yep. Yep. You folks have a nice day!
GREEN 1: You too, young lady.
GREEN 2: Good luck finding your girls!
ME: Yep. I have a feeling they will pop up somewhere.
Is it wrong to mess with old people?