Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Neighbor Chronicles, Episode 8980

Today was a family tradition. I made fresh salsa in September. Usually, my mother and I would make it after going to a farmer's market and retrieving the fresh goodies. However, this year she is there and I am here. I also received the ingredients free from my neighbors and friends which was quite a nice surprise. Things grow in abundance here. It's like Hawaii minus the bananas, umbrella drinks, tropical paradise, and cabana boys. Sorta.

It appears that news travels fast that I made salsa, so I told those that gave me goodies that I would give them salsa if they also provided me a container. So beganeth the labor of love.

I completed the task in high fashion, donning my People of Walmart garb and up-do.

With so much vegetable guts to dispose of, I felt it was fitting to put them in the compost pile. I so happened to do that at the same time that Lord Farquaad was in his backyard which shares a fence line with mine.

FARQUAAD: Looks like you mowed your lawn super short. What's the purpose.

ME: I'm into Brazilian grass. 

FARQUAAD: I don't follow.

ME: I'm getting ready to treat it for bugs and creepy things. I wanted it short. 

FARQUAAD: Oh. Why you do that, you just send them to everyone else's yard and then when it wears off, they come back to your grass. It's like a bug vacation.

ME: You seriously think that's how bug killer works?

FARQUAAD: Around here, bugs are huge and so many of them you can't kill them.

ME: I see. (roll eyes) Apparently you don't know who I am. I am the master bug killer. I. AM. THE. BUG. LAW.

FARQUAAD: Yeah. I pretty much don't get you. What are you doing?

ME: Feeding my compost pile.

FARQUAAD: Uh. Did you notice it's right by my fence?

ME: Duh. It was the farthest from my windows and doors. Perfect space. And in the corner.

FARQUAAD: It's a bug magnet. 

ME: Well, if you would use the bug killer...

FARQUAAD: You just impossible sometimes. Heard you were making salsa today. Missus told me.

ME: Yep. Yep. Just finished.

FARQUAAD: Do you think you could spare some for me?

ME: Sure. Help yourself. (pointed to the compost pile) You might want to hurry before the bugs get in there. 

Yes. I am ornery. Yes. I did give Lord Farquaad real salsa, but not before being an ass. Besides, I thought I was damn funny. Sometimes I amuse myself.


Allenspark Lodge said...

So, if I send you a stamped, self addressed envelope...


Angelwithatwist said...

Oh people like that make a day worthwhile. They make it so easy to be a smart alec because they take it so seriously..

gowestferalwoman said...

lol he was just waiting casually at the back of the fence, or did he have a purpose there.... like to get a container of salsa ?

you are much loved by your neighbors, in their own "special" way LOL