Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Monday, February 10, 2014

Ghost Ka Tears

It was bound to happen.

It's cold outside. Which makes us spend more time inside

The Harry Potter house has been moaning and groaning with noises. Pops in the night when it is subzero. It still holds up. Why? Because it's over a hunnerd years old, that's why. And because I live there, it must be a warrior house.

The only problem is sometimes the armor gets pierced.

The noises didn't sound like house moans and groans anymore, but something within. Fuck me in the ass. Only I don't say that out loud in my house and well, I should not say in my head because they could read my mind maybe.

I was worried I was going to have to call on Amy and Steve...one day...
but I haven't been feeling that there were any creepers in my house...until now...
The noise first started from the north. The north is always a bad sign. Things from the north bring a bad storm of danger and scariness. Or so I am told. Sometimes while relaxing in the TV Room, I would jump up and go investigate, but I didn't find anything. I would sit back down and after a bit, I something would fall in the north part of the house. I couldn't figure out why.
They were small dark shadowy figures. They were fast. I would think I would see something and then I would dismiss it as my vision being out of whack, or I was tired. Seeing things.
I couldn't get the nerve to call Amy and Steve until I had evidence. Then one day I did. It was right in front of my face and it angered me. It was my house!
I first put out traps and he ate all the peanut butter but didn't get slammed to his death. I then put out glue strips, but he pooped all the way around them, shitting on my operation. I mean, how many cleanses can you do in one house?
So, I called up Amy and Steve and I got crickets. They said they don't do mouse ghosts. I told them he isn't a real one because I can't trap him and he don't die.
Steve told me I really need to worry when he has babies.
My mouth gaped open with horror.
I put out more traps. None of them worked. I was running out of Chlorox and sanity.
So I went and fucking deconned his ass. Damn mouse! Amy told me it should only smell bad for a week and then I need to cleanse the house.
The house if full of poison and Otis and Moose are not near it, but every night after I once again Chlorox EVERYTHING because I am paranoid of the dirty filthy beasts after seeing them kill big humans and poop Hanta virus pellets...(taking a breath here) that I cry out..."KILL KILL KILL" and "DIE DIE DIE"  before I go upstairs and say my prayers to Jesus. Jesus, please kill the mouse.


Well Seasoned Fool said...

Borrow a cat, one that is a proven mouser.

MrGarabaldi said...

Hey Momma Fargo;

I have had good luck with a plain old fashion mousetrap and cheese and peanutbutter. Once and a while when it gets cold I have one of the denizens of the field and woods move into my pantry and that is what I have to do.

Old NFO said...

Good luck with the mouse, and yeah cats work... sometimes... :-)

Coffeypot said...

Boa's work too. And they are quiet.

Betty Manousos said...

hi momma, sorry to hear you have been visited by mice.
borrow a cat, also, find any entry/exit holes your mouse may be using and stuff them with steel wool. this works!
good luck with the mouse!

big hugs!

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
Our house makes it's OWN internal noises also (the EXTERNAL ones are the locals acting up or getting busted by the po-po), but I haven't found ANY (living) critters around.
And it's not our surviving male cat.

I'm figuring it's his "sister" - our female cat that passed last roaming abiout and letting us know she hasn't REALLY "left".
(that also explains things that DISAPPEAR...and then mysteriously RE-appear.)
No problems there...she's still welcome on ANY astral plane.

Hang in there, Kiddo.
Stay safe and warm down there.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

How'd that damn rodent get to the peanut butter without getting beheaded? Ours didn't go for the peanut butter, just went into hiding. Never did find him. Ugh. Sorry.

Be well and I hope he's dead by the time you read this.


Mad Jack said...

You need a cat or two. Go down and adopt a nice stray that gets along well with dogs and has a full complement of claws, then wait for the fun to start.

We, by the way, just sayin' and all, not to brag or anything, have been completely rodent free with two notable exceptions. One that the cats caught and corralled in the living room and were using as a ball in a feline table tennis variant, and another that they had surrounded and was summarily rescued by my own dear mom, who can't stand the thought of the cats playing with their food.

Pick up the d-con, which is dangerous to everything, and get a cat.

And, by the way, if the mouse is actually avoiding the glue paper it is very likely not a mouse. Mice find the glue paper irresistible.

Slamdunk said...

It sounds like war has been declared. I am praying for you MF. And I hope the weather changes soon for all of our sanity.