It's cold outside. Which makes us spend more time inside
The Harry Potter house has been moaning and groaning with noises. Pops in the night when it is subzero. It still holds up. Why? Because it's over a hunnerd years old, that's why. And because I live there, it must be a warrior house.
The only problem is sometimes the armor gets pierced.
The noises didn't sound like house moans and groans anymore, but something within. Fuck me in the ass. Only I don't say that out loud in my house and well, I should not say in my head because they could read my mind maybe.
I was worried I was going to have to call on Amy and Steve...one day...
but I haven't been feeling that there were any creepers in my house...until now...
The noise first started from the north. The north is always a bad sign. Things from the north bring a bad storm of danger and scariness. Or so I am told. Sometimes while relaxing in the TV Room, I would jump up and go investigate, but I didn't find anything. I would sit back down and after a bit, I something would fall in the north part of the house. I couldn't figure out why.
They were small dark shadowy figures. They were fast. I would think I would see something and then I would dismiss it as my vision being out of whack, or I was tired. Seeing things.
I couldn't get the nerve to call Amy and Steve until I had evidence. Then one day I did. It was right in front of my face and it angered me. It was my house!
I first put out traps and he ate all the peanut butter but didn't get slammed to his death. I then put out glue strips, but he pooped all the way around them, shitting on my operation. I mean, how many cleanses can you do in one house?
So, I called up Amy and Steve and I got crickets. They said they don't do mouse ghosts. I told them he isn't a real one because I can't trap him and he don't die.
Steve told me I really need to worry when he has babies.
My mouth gaped open with horror.
I put out more traps. None of them worked. I was running out of Chlorox and sanity.
So I went and fucking deconned his ass. Damn mouse! Amy told me it should only smell bad for a week and then I need to cleanse the house.
The house if full of poison and Otis and Moose are not near it, but every night after I once again Chlorox EVERYTHING because I am paranoid of the dirty filthy beasts after seeing them kill big humans and poop Hanta virus pellets...(taking a breath here) that I cry out..."KILL KILL KILL" and "DIE DIE DIE" before I go upstairs and say my prayers to Jesus. Jesus, please kill the mouse.