Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Child Life Lessons With A Mom Over 40

I'm sure it's tough for Bug to have a 46 year old mother. She is more worldly at 14 than I was at that age as far as knowing things about life. Her moral compass is solid as a rock and she is steadfast on her beliefs. I love that about her.

I did have my first kiss at 14 and she has not. She is innocent and I know it is a matter of time before she lingers into the "real" boy crazy stage and not just the "crush" stage. I'm scared already and it's not even Halloween.

We have along the way had some interesting life lessons and sometimes my sarcasm is misunderstood.

BUG: Since you are changing the locks again, do you think you could not give any more crazy men a key?

ME: [snorted water up my nose] Uh...already thought of that. Way ahead of you.

BUG: Maybe you should change your name to Gladys Nightstone or Gertrude Applebottom and no one would want you.

ME: *blink*blink*

BUG: Well. Less trouble.

ME: *blink*blink*

BUG: Mom, why do people fart?

ME: Why the random questions?

BUG: It's just a question. Answer please.

ME: Because there is gas stuck in the poop chute and it has to come out the pooper hole.

BUG: *blink*blink*

I continue to drive.

BUG: Why don't you call it the anus?

ME: Because I don't like the word "anus". It just sounds disgusting.

BUG: Well, poop is disgusting. And why do farts smell so bad?

ME: Because it is the smell of you inside there in the pooper. The gas smells like your poop. It has to get out of there. It has to escape.

BUG: Oh, that is just nasty. Why do you use funny words, Mom?[giggle]

ME: I don't know. 

BUG: Yeah. Why does the fart have to escape?

ME: Why do you ask such funny questions?

BUG: I'm just curious.

ME: But who thinks about farts and their smell and where they come from?

BUG: Me. Answer please.

ME: Because if the fart doesn't escape, a person might explode. Could you imagine the mess?

BUG: Mom, pull over quick.

ME: Why?

BUG: Because I have to fart and if it misfires or doesn't come out, I don't want you to die.

ME: *blink*blink*


GunDiva said...

Love that kid :)

Allenspark Lodge said...

I've heard of "loaded farts", but never thought about one misfiring.


R said...

No that wasn't a fart, just a light strike.

Old NFO said...

ROTF... Talk about going down the rabbit hole... ;-)