Evidence 101

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Friday, August 29, 2014

Life After 40

Life after 40. I used to think life after 30 was ancient times. I found I grew up more between 25 and 30 than I did between 30 and 40. However, what I gained in that latter decade was clarity. Nothing really changed about the person I have become along the way as far as character. I was and always will be this way-great traits and the not so. The first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest!

Now what?

What is in store for me after 40? I am almost 50. What then?

I don't know.

They say life really begins at 40 and the rest before that is just research. Part of that was true. Now that the research is finished, I am surely not done. If life truly started at 40, it sure has taken a long road to Crazytown for me. I think of myself, still, as a student. I am learning along the way each day. I have many goals, many which are not met. The only thing that bothers me is that I may not get to meet my near and dear goals due to finances-like go overseas or take Bug on some great road trips. I love discovery. It's just money. Really the only thing that stops anyone is themselves.

Now for the real truth.

What happens at life after 40?

1) Your boobs fall down. Literally. Into your waste band. Unless you invest in some duct tape or a good plastic surgeon. But let me tell you, I've seen fake boobs on a 70 year old and it scared me to death. While the rest of her was falling down to the floor, her boobs kept staring at me. They were creepy.

2) Your skin loses elasticity and gains life lines. That is, unless you choose to go plastic.

3) To be and stay fit takes much more work. In fact, it is a daunting task. I struggle with it, but I am so happy to work toward completing a marathon some day. I just got first in my age group at a race recently. Funny, I didn't even stay for the awards, because I thought "what the heck-I'm done! Completed! Yay!"

(Walks off stage denying self shining milestone moment)

4) Your brain has more focus and sometimes a sense of urgency because-why wait? Life is too short.

5) It becomes very important that you poop. On. A. Daily. Basis. And the good poop kind.

6) Time goes by very fast. Even on the pooper. You could get stuck there for days and not even know it.

7) You delete "friends" and narrow down your closest people to your heart and cherish them.

8) Sex goes into overdrive for women. I mean we can't get enough. So we have to do it ourselves. Men-not so much. Mr. Wanky kind of peters out, so to speak, and you go into an identity crisis. Why? Because you have just lost part of your brain and your most cherished piece of your navigation system. What do you do when you can't dive in penis first? I don't know. Yikes!

9) Women start to blossom. Men get fat, bald, and slouchy.

10) You want a cool car again. No more vans and mini-wagons unless you are a serial killer or child molester.

11) Soccer moms become cougars-they are very aggressive women- and not only that-but frothed upon by soccer dads and soccer players. Dad and son. Creepy! ( I think I puked a little) I am not a fan of soccer moms.

12) Some take up adventure, some take up the couch.

13) You like less and less drama, you love to laugh and you seek out laughter.

14) You do not play games with people-you are straight up. About everything. Grow some nuts if you don't like us.

15) We can dish it out and we can take it.

16) We stop to smell the roses. We also might pick some, send some to a friend, or just buy some for ourselves.

17) You repurpose yourself.

18) You look forward to carrying an AARP card only for the discounts and by golly, you are going to hide that mo-fo in the back of your wallet. Discrete is in.

19) Men pick their noses in front of everyone and fart loudly in public, then proclaim their proud moment. Women still do not fart.

20) You used to want to hurry up, now all you say is...wait.

What have you discovered over 40? What do you look forward to or dread if you are under 40?








8 comments:

Allenspark Lodge said...

My father always said "Life begins at 40."

I say that 50 is the new 40.

Coffeypot said...

I like boobs that have some sag. They are hot swinging when the lady is on her knees.

Momma Fargo said...

Haha. I think you might be right Beel. Then what about 60?

Coffeypot...Somehow I just knew you would focus on boobs and penises. I bet you giggled.

Well Seasoned Fool said...

#19 Women whisper in their panties.

+1 Coffeypot.

Momma Fargo said...

WSF-Ha. We do not whisper in our panties unless the are on our heads. And then that would be weird.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I love you. You worded this perfectly, though my boobs are dragging way below my waistline. I just need to spritz some tile cleaner on the floor and use them as mops. And yes, if you can find a penis that works right for longer than 2 seconds, hell, it's time for a celebration (i.e., 2 second sex). Duracell should send us thank-you notes for keeping them in business.

Cheers.
xoRobyn

Momma Fargo said...

LOL. Robyn...great women think alike! Love ya, lady!

MrGarabaldi said...

Hey Momma Fargo'

Couple of things about getting close to the 50 mark:

1. I still love "doing it"..But I take my time now...It no longer is the "damm I am getting laid!! to the fact that now I know that I only have 1 charge now so I make sure the lady gets hers first before I do.

2. I am much more patient than I was younger...People are amazed how patient I am with my son who is 11. I would reply" If I had my son in my late teens, early 20's I would have been in jail with shaking baby syndrome. I had a bad temper and time helps me control it so the beast isn't out very much.
3 On the flip-side, I don't tolerate poor manners or stupidity.
I tend to have a plain manner of speech and use it...
4. I also appreciate my surrounding more..I know that life is finite and one day I will check out. Nothing scary about that..it is the reality so I don't sweat it.
5. I also pick my friends and surroundings...I have nothing to prove to anybody.
6. I still have fun..