Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...







Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Blue Hair Ho Down

I got there early.

As the volleyball game was about to begin, two blue hairs somehow found their way to the top row next to me. As the one sat to my right, she leaned forward to balance her booty on the bench, striking her head on mine.

Seriously? There was miles of bench open and she sat next to me?

Oh, I'm so sorry miss.

That's alright I have a metal plate there.

*blink*blink*

[weak smile, rub my head]

The game was underway before long.

Somewhere between a pass, a set, and a kill, the other blue hair turned to me with chipmunk cheeks full of popcorn and said," You got a kid on this team?"

Yes, number 1 is my daughter.

Well, we all think our kids or grandkids are number 1.

No, I mean that is her uniform number. [wiping popcorn spittle off of me]

The game went on. Bug's team was beating the other side so bad I started to feel sorry for them and made sighs when they missed the ball. I am sure I confused the old ladies.

After the first match was a slaughter...the phone rang. It was Bug's father and I had to answer because we had an issue to deal with the kid.

We discussed some pics she was putting on Instagram and some messaging and a boy. Some of my conversation may have stated that I was going to delete Instagram and Snapchat from her phone apps and her phone was taken away as was the Kindle. I know! I took books away. Actually, she can have the paper ones. He stated that "we have to be careful and maybe should not overreact and get carried away." "WE" really meant ME. Yeah. Did not sit well with me.

I said, "I know WE should not overreact, but our cute daughter will not be a slut." I might have said that too loud to overcompensate for the gym noise because people turned around and the blue hairs looked at me.

Doh! Dammit!

It was silent on the other end of the phone for a moment.

The blue hairs gasped, then giggled.

I covered the phone and leaned over to them.

She was fully clothed just so you know. And had on nice clothes. She used a little too sexy pose in her face tho. You know how girls look sexy.  It was just a little inappropriate. Kind of like when you went to school, your skirt could not be short. It was not the NEKKED porno type of inappropriate. We don't have ourselves a ho down here. You know, you can't give 'em an inch. Gotta stop them at the gates, not after the race.

The blue hairs giggled.

We know. We have granddaughters. They are so different these days.

Bug's father and I ended the conversation. I don't know if he was very happy with me. I think he thought I was being ridiculous. I sent him a copy of the picture with the comments from the boys, but I didn't hear back.

When I got off the phone, the blue hairs were back at it.

That was her dad?

Yep.

He think you were overreacting?

Yep.

Tell him vaginas don't stick out for all to see like a penis. It's hidden, you know. Up all inside. Hard to get to.This is for a reason God made us that way.

*blink*blink*

4 comments:

Well Seasoned Fool said...

Can't relate, have three sons. However, fatherly advice can be downright blunt.

Tennessee Grammie said...

I'm sending a box of duct tape... :)

GunDiva said...

Smart old blue hairs :)

Old NFO said...

Heh... Yep, good advice on their part... And experience...