Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Monday, October 6, 2014

Monsters University

The teenager phase of parenting is going to be the death of me. I pretty much would like to skip all these cyclone moments. It consists of the following in one form or another:

1) Drama
2) Drama
3) Drama

Is every teenager lazy or related in behavior or by blood to the Tasmanian devil? I believe so.

We had a chat about how Bug's peers have been labeling her and her friends. She hangs out with the volleyball team, so naturally, I thought it would be the label of "jock" or "jockette."


She, as well as her friends, have been called "preppy" and "spoiled." This is not to be confused with the 80's version of this label. It does not involve collared shirts and rolled up pants. This "new preppy" has a negative connotation as "snotty" and "unapproachable."

Or at least I am told.

I quizzed the kid on this labeling thingy.

Photo credit: Grumpy Cat, Pinterest

I had to explore her school persona: 

Would it be because you spend hours in the bathroom fixing your hair?  No, mom.

Would it be because you are so worried about how you look, that you browse every mirror every chance you get? No, mom.

Would it be because you get upset if someone messes up your hair or makeup? No, mom.

Would it be because you are fixated on your clothes? No, mom. 

Would it be because you walk around thinking you are better than everyone else? Do you have an attitude? No, mom. I don't do that. 

Are you exclusive to others not in "your group?" No, mom. I am nice to everyone.

Then what is your theory, honey? Mom, it is because I am associated with the "other" girls on the volleyball team and they are like that, so I get lumped in with them because I hang out with them. But I don't act like that. I just hang around girls that do and so I get stereotyped. 

Obviously, much to my dismay, I did not raise a rocket scientist. 

Photo credit: Larson, cartoonist

All those golden cheerful bliss years of toddlerism are gone.

Photo credit: Fargo

When Bug was in those small and cute stages, I was a cop parenting everyone else's teenager.

Rotten they were.

I thought (gasp) not my child! OOOOHHHHhh no! My child will never be disrespectful or be naughty like those brats.

Well, I am so far, somewhat correct. She just hasn't progressed to that steady Category Orange stage yet. Some days I think we might reach black at peak episodes, however. Then, we have to take it back down to white or a gentle canary yellow. Now, these staging categories are based somewhat on Cooper's model of situational awareness with a twist of Fargo and some other emotional expert whom I can't remember. This is not to be confused with the Homeland Security Risk staging of terrorism. BUT, it could happen. Teenagers might be classified as little domestic terrorists.

They say we learn from our mistakes. Right? My parents told me that all my life. It must, therefore, be true. Well, I make so many, I must be a freaking genius!

I am slowly coming around to thinking that those who just punched walls in their parents' homes and yelled curse words are much easier than dealing with a teen aged drama queen. I really can't squeeze the princess out of Bug no matter how much I try. She is so concerned with appearance. Town beatings don't even work. Nor do sensible talks.

Cartoon: Bad Paint job?

I would like to drag her around by her pony tail, but I'm told that is not really a cool thing to do.

She is mouthy.

She is lazy.

She is a cyclone of drama.

She spends HOURS in the bathroom getting ready.

However, she is an A+ student and is respectful to her teachers and coaches. 

Just NOT to her mother.


I got nothin'. 

For the first time in my life, I am stuck without solutions. I have tried everything. I can't change her bad attitude at home. Neither negative nor positive reinforcements work. Like I said, town beatings are not working either.

My friend chalks it up to the teenager years and the lack of "THE PERIOD" showing up.


Lana Banana blames it on hormones.


Can you imagine what I am going to go through during that "natural woman" stage with my child when it arrives?

That will be drama exponentially multiplied. Drama squared.

Help me now.

I foresee a contemporary Wednesday-like character forming. Only in PINK.

Photo credit: Disney, Meet the Robinsons, Lizzy

At least my daughter wears conservative clothing and is very prudish. There are positives!

Otherwise, we might have also amended it to a problem with WHOREmones.

Not on my watch.

[big sigh]

Back to the drawing board of attitude reformation ideas.

I should have been a Thespian.


VandyJ said...

I feel for you. Girls are tough, adn that's only because I was one once. I get to deal with boys. There might be a small sigh of relief there, but a large dose of dread too. Teenagers are not fun creatures. Turbo is creeping ever closer to teenager land...

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
Having not been a parent (yet...that i KNOW of anyway...lol), I can't speak for THAT aspect of child-rearing, but I can say I feel for you as well...because I was once...(dare I say it?)...a TEENAGER, and through the late 60s no les).

I'll add that the whole peer-pressure thing didn't faze me...that was on those who saw things from THEIR "perspective"...not mine.

But I did put my parents through the paces.
On the up side, I never got into trouble, kept my nose clean and always followed my parents' rule when it come to those who did name-calling and made summary calls without knowing me...
"You're their betters" was the rule, and you know what, my folks were right.
Never made me haughty or proud, though...my folks made SURE of that one.

MY solution to any high school drama...was to sign on to the DRAMA CLUB...(getting straight A's for several years and nailing a lead role in a musical - who'da thunk?)

"Put what you have to good use" was what my Dad would say...and he wa RIGHT on that count, too.

Hang in there, Kiddo.

Roll safe down there.

Coffeypot said...

You just have to keep on keeping on. They really do hear what you say and thin abut it... but it's not cool to let you know the do. And tell her she is really friends with 'the other' kids in school, but that she hangs out with the team girls just to add some class... ya know that all girl jocks are gay anyway, don't ya? She is a positive influence on the. Why she may even turn one or two into being straight.

Well Seasoned Fool said...

No help from here. What do you do with oblivious tunnel vision? Have one who's tunnel vision makes the Moffat Tunnel look like Wyoming.

Old NFO said...

You're in a no win situation, and will be until the daughter is in her 20's... Just keep doing what you're doing and hope some of the information sinks in. Otherwise, freeze her until her 25th birthday is the only other option...

Allenspark Lodge said...

Years ago, my parents told me-
"You are judged by the company you keep"

Seems kinda "no $#!T" now, but it just seemed unfair to me as a kid.


Ms. A said...

Yes,I not only heard, you are judged... but also, birds of a feather...

I hate to say this, but girls are so much harder to raise and the consequences of mistakes seem much more dire, too.

One thing I like to tell my daughter now, (she has to girls) is that it comes back to you at least double. She hates to hear that! She knows what a pain in the @$$ she was.

Ms. A said...

Make that "two" not "to". I hate when that happens!

Tennessee Grammie said...

Welcome to the teen years! All of your ancestral kin are up there laughing all over Heaven. When dealing with a DRAMA PRINCESS, don't get sucked into the Vortex of her drama! Establish a calm outward demeanor with a sweet smile on your face and hold your ground. Also, lots of duct tape and wine! LOL

A. Nona Moose said...

http://anunslife.org/resources/how-to-become-a-catholic-nun is your only hope.

Ok, now, buck up Fargo. You have an amazing daughter, totally amazing. But, you know she will stumble, fall, and yes, in the coming years even have SEX....

She will also be a caring, compassionate young lady, because of how you bring her up.

Checking that mirror all the time? She is just trying to keep up the family tradition of being outwardly as well as inwardly beautiful.

Hanging out with the Volleyball girls. How terrible. Get her back in line and introduce her to the stoners, the Goths, and the ones that don't even show up to school

Yeah. You know better, but we are all here for you to vent to.