Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Friday, December 19, 2014

Night Sweats and Day Screams

It's funny how I still dream those dreaded cop dreams of running and running and falling down or chasing someone and only grabbing part of a shirt, losing grasp and continuing. Last night I had all those features plus the ones where I was dodging bullets, yet I forgot to wear my vest. Somehow I managed to come out of it unscathed. I think about my law enforcement days often. I am missing some things and not others. I don't like how our world has become hateful toward police and I think their world is very dangerous whereas when I worked, I felt comfortable, safe, but not complacent. I still always had my guard up...which by the way...has never left me.

I thought those days were done. Apparently not.

Many significant things have happened in the last two weeks. Here are my 12 observations of random schmandom, not related to Christmas...but just like the jingle...

12. I have been reading a lot more and I love it. I love to read. I'm very grateful my daughter loves to read as well. She is just like me when I was that age and can't get enough books. She loves real books, Kindle, internet ebooks, blah blah blah.

11.. I have gone through ups and downs with emotions debating on whether this move was the right thing. I have a good job, I have a house, I have a happy kid (for the most part). I guess I miss the wild west. I think my dad was right that he never would live anywhere else. Maybe someday I will retire back there in a nice mountain cabin and be "that lady" they always talk about.

10. I've come to grips with being alone and that is OK for now. What is will be and what is meant to be will happen. When I had this revelation...I was petting the new puppy...squuuueeeee...his furby self is like therapy crack...and thinking to myself that I was OK if things never worked out to be a "fairy tale ending." After all, Mary Poppins was a lonely old geezer who brought happiness into the world. At the same time, I realized I was contemplating my mistakes along the road and focusing too much on the past. I let them all go. Hopefully, it is not one of the fucking boomerang experiments.  I decided I need to look forward and move in a positive direction with less concentration on my mistakes and reliving history. It took a lot to get to that point. Yes, Jesus has had to hit me with a two by four. Shut it. I don't want to hear everyone's peanut gallery remarks until you walk in my shoes. Boom! How did you like that?

9. I am very grateful for my family and friends. I am blessed, very, very blessed.

8. My child is going through such hormonal changes I might not make it to my golden years. I'm telling ya...hell hath no fury like a teen-aged girl's raging hormones. Help me, Gladys. Yes, Gladys is my pseudo name I used on patrol. I might need to go undercover for a while.

7. I love being a home body right now. It's cold outside. It's warm inside. I love to read. It's great.

6. I want snow. I want to snow shoe. We have nothing. It's warm enough not to wear a coat outside most times. Ugh. I know I should keep my mouth shut because when we have unseasonably cold weather I will be bitching again.

5. I day dream a lot. Does this mean I don't know what I want to do when I grow up?

4. My office buddy and I are trying to figure out a way for me to pay for my grad school which is not covered by my discount. I have my first bachelor's here for free! Well, shit. I already have one of those. Great benefit, but it doesn't work. They offer a discount for masters or doctorates. I can't do an assistantship because I have to work. There are no scholarships here for grad school. I can't do a loan. I don't qualify for any poor man plan even though I am one. We think we have the Bursar willing to do different payment plan for me. Wish me luck!

3. I am getting old. Things do not heal like they used. I am refusing to accept it. I am 29. I am 29. Really...I got some weird skin things going on like dry rashes...bad moles developing (yes, I have an appointment with the skin cancer doctor dude)...bones creek...crepetis....(btw...spellcheck thinks crepetis should be crepes)...tooth issues...eyes going bad. I should just be put out to pasture.

2. I feel yuck. I really am unhealthy. I am sick all the time. I have got to get a move on. It's time to stop this nonsense. And asthma is kicking my ass. Time to kick it back.

1. Being a mother to a teenager is the most difficult job in the world. Period. End of story.


The Old Man said...

Honey, teens are a walk in the park compared to later. Mine are 33 and 30 and the last 10 years have been "interesting".
And they are both good kids - with degrees that let them earn a living and all that adult nonsense. Not living at home or even in the same state...
Enjoy while you can, darlin'.

Momma Fargo said...

Oh sure...now you tell me. lol