Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Monday, February 16, 2015

My Two Husbands Rock!

Bug and I went shopping for her Sweetheart dress. Her dad came through for her and it made her very happy. She wanted to feel pretty and I believe she is beyond that. We had a nice time together. I like her to feel as beautiful on the outside and I see her on the inside. Teenager turmoil aside, I am pretty lucky to have such a great kid.

And now to top the funny merry go round of my woes...

I didn't think Valentine's Day could get any worse than my two husbands lack of pizazz on the holiday. You can go check out the story for details if you wish. If not, know they amounted to gas station fabric roses and chalk hearts. This year:

Asher (Friday, Feb. 13): Shit. I ordered you flowers but they can't be delivered until Monday.

What this amounts to is he forgot and waited until the last minute, not realizing the florists would be overbooked with work. It also tells me a person doesn't care enough to plan a nice day or special occasion for someone. Oh, and this man knew about my previous bad Valentine's Days. Maybe he just wanted to be number one.

ME: (very disappointed-lackluster surprise-and now no surprise): Oh it's OK. (Yes, I actually tried to make the guy feel better when I felt disappointed. Who even tells a girl these things? Who does it?)

Blah, blah. Short conversation.

My package reached him for Valentine's Day. Although I was poor, I sent a homemade card and a box of chocolates. Lame, I know. I think I was emulating my two husbands. Literally, it was all I could afford with medical bills coming out my ears. I would have loved to have cooked a very romantic dinner and whatnot but he was not in town.

Saturday rolls by. I get up really early in the morning like when everyone is dead and create an e-American Greetings card and send it to Asher. It was mushy gushy and sweet, but not ridiculous.

All day...I wait for my Valentine.

Yep. Not even a card. Not even a call. It would have been enough.

About 8:30 PM-ish a phone call. By now I am pretty hurt.

Asher: Happy Valentine's Day!

ME: (lacking any enthusiasm by now) Yep. Happy Valentine's Day. You know it pretty much hurt my feelings I have not heard one thing from you all day until it is over.

Asher: Well, I didn't hear anything from you either. Same here. (Snappy and clearly irritated with my honest appraisal of the day's lack of events)

ME:  Except I got up before anyone in the world to make you an e-card so it was the first thing you saw in the morning.

Asher: Yeah. It was Hallmark. Nothing from you.

Do I have to be the man or the boss or the aggressor in a relationship? Really? You wouldn't treat the lady right and man up and call her?  I mean, dude, BE A FUCKING MAN! I didn't say that, but I thought it.

That pretty much ended the conversation.

Next day I tried to be myself, but it was festering. You know what happens when a woman is scorned. It's a barrage of emotional garbage about class and how to treat a person coming out combined with the last week's issues and it is ugly. Maybe I should have stopped after a few sentences, but as he said, "you keep coming and beat me into submission."

Basically, I let out everything that sucked about his latest treatment of me, (not only Valentine's Day but other problems) and how to treat a person with decency. It fell on deaf ears.

See, this is where there is a gap with men and women. Women hold things in until it all comes to a head and let it out to be addressed and talked about. Men just look at the woman like she is crazy and pisses them off. Men never address the issues and the woman either moves on, puts up with it, or never has closure and lets time pass.

What you don't do or don't say tells a lot about a person. I think deep down inside, it had been building up for a few days because the whole situation was not going well anyway. In this garbage explosion I also told him to cancel the flowers and save himself some money.

It all went down in a ball of flames with him telling me I needed to "get some help". It felt like police work. Is it supposed to feel good to be bad? I was bad. On purpose. I needed to let it out and stop pretending it was going anywhere.

Pretty much went the way I expected it to go. Funny how human behavior works when you know you have a man with an emotional complex. I know how to push things into a place. Buttons, they call them. I didn't have any feelings of remorse which might come later after I cool down. Nor do I miss the mistreatment, lack of gentleman behavior on Valentine's Day, crazy assed home drama, or lack there of any romance. I don't miss the stupid shit that had to be on his time. It was all gone. A weight lifted off my shoulder and I felt maybe it was what I needed and the relationship didn't feel right anyway. It was really a sad ending because we started out as nice friends.

Perhaps I should have just called him a schmuck or never spoke to him again or left it in silence. Nah. It had to be epic so it would be over. Rather than a man be schmuck to me, I would prefer they just tell me it isn't right for them. Does a man really expect when he is a schmuck that he will get a pass?

I don't think I need any men in my life because I can't pick them. I didn't call him names or tell him he was a bad person, nor even think it. I just told him what things hurt me and how it affected my feelings. And...according to this one...I need help for my "feelings." I laugh. Maybe I should come with a warning label. WARNING: IF YOU TREAT HER LIKE SHIT OR IF YOU ARE A NINCUMPOOP, IT MIGHT HURT HER FEELINGS AND SHE WILL TELL YA ABOUT IT.

Monday rolled around. Guess what? No flowers. Why? Because I don't think he ever ordered them in the first place. He was probably buying time which is a moot point after the 14th. I am not even taking into consideration I scared him out of it or pissed him off so bad he did indeed cancel them. You can't cancel something that never happened. Oh, yes, he was just doing "what he was told."

Now in all fairness he wasn't always a schmuck. Only when he wanted to be one. The other times he was a nice man. There were some major issues with his home life and his personality I could not get past and it lingered in my mind for a long time. It was Clash of the Titans. I can live with someone's faults. Duh. We all have them. I have many. But if the baggage is too much drama or someone doesn't put any effort into a relationship unless it is only on their time, they need to not be in one with me. I definitely don't have time for games either. Play on with some other chick.

Now that dating is possible again, I think my two husbands are looking pretty good. I am learning much faster. Days, not weeks or months. No internet scammers. No blind dates. No college hook ups. I might try the college mixers...

No worries...I am content with being a single mother with dogs.

And how was your Valentine's Day?


Ms. A said...

Personally, I think if you have fewer expectations, you'll have fewer disappointments. Anything beyond that is a pleasant surprise.

Ms. A said...

BTW, that is regarding gifts. You should definitely have expectations and standards to meet in relationships! If they can't meet your standards, or you theirs, don't stay in the relationship. No point beating a dead horse.

Momma Fargo said...

You are right.

Momma Fargo said...

I agree again.

Old NFO said...

Quiet. :-) Since I didn't have any cards or other stuff to worry about. :-D

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
Well, I would have called, but I don't have the number, (totally logical reason, and not an excuse).

I agree w/ Ms A on the expectations thing...it's NOT about lowering YOUR standards, but knowing that there are those who will NOT raise THEIRS.
Makes sense, right?

Good post.

Stay safe & WARM down there, dear.

Momma Fargo said...

OldNFO...quiet is nice. It is less hassle and less disappointment. I cannot understand why men want to play games or at least I seem to find the ones who do. I am not looking to get married but gee golly...can't we all be real?

GunDiva said...

Um. Who the fuck is Asher? I realize I'm behind on my reading, but I don't recall this person. I thought you were swearing off men for a while. Do it. It will be healthy for you, I promise.

When my ex-boyfriend broke up with me, someone told me it takes at least half as long as you were together to "get over it". I've found that to be true. It's scary and lonely and awful being alone, but you learn a whole heap about yourself in the process. Things that the rest of us can see (like how awesome you are and how any man would be a fool to break your heart), but you don't quite believe in your heart yet.

Anyway, happy late made-up Hallmark holiday to you. We all still love you.

lotta joy said...

STICK WITH DOGS!!! You teach a person how to treat you by what they're able to get away with. If Valentine's day is a biggie for you, then it should be treated as such by the person who loves you. Whatever is important to you, should be important to the other person JUST because it gives you joy.

If you lower your expectations, be prepared to eventually get rid of them all together.

Tennessee Grammie said...

See, if you had sworn off Valentine's Day in 1st grade like I did, it would have saved you a lot of disappointment over the years. And yea, who is Asher and what rock did you dig him out from under?