Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Friday, March 20, 2015

Certifiable: Eat Lean, Poop Green

So...inquiring minds want to know...what is wrong with Fargo?

I have a partial diagnosis. I have a rare condition only subjected to the "group of extraordinary weirdos." What does this mean?

This means my bloodwork was a disaster. But I'm not going to die.

In fact, the future looks bright with some solutions. On the good end of the stick...(btw...really? Who the fuck came up with that one? What determines a good end? What does that mean?)...I don't have any major diseases yet and I am going to be back doing super secret ninja tricks and shit.

Apparently, I have several deficiencies on top of bad blood chemistry which is causing a chemical tornado in my body which triggers all kinds of physical problems. I asked if it may or may not be related to my loss of vision, but my doctor does not think so...so...on that note, I am now being sent to an opthlmologist.

In fact, when being presented with my lab results and her findings from my "issues", she told me what I was about to hear might sound ridiculous and would probably receive scrutiny from me or others, but it is the truth.

The doc stated I have an adverse reaction going on in my body which is attacking my immune system and metabolism related to biogenetically engineered food, preservatives, additives, and chemicals. A big science experiment is going on inside my body but the toxins are staying there having a party and breaking down things and organs to create an autoimmune problem. My office manager thinks it is a load of crap. She stopped at organic and walked away, waving her hands not wanting to hear any more information. She asked, I told. Obviously, she really didn't want to know the details, just whether or not I was dying of a rare disease.

Out with all my canned goods. Out with frozen anything which is not fresh frozen. Out with flour. Out with refined sugar. Now what? I won't be ready for the Zombie Apocalype. Do you know what kind of stress this causes?

So...now I have to get rid of every canned food item, refined sugars, anything grown with pesticides, biogenetically engineered and blah, blah, blah. I had to do homework and research myself. I got a list of foods. I got a list of where to buy them, what to look for. I can't have any more Cadbury Creme Eggs. Well, I can, but it might make me sick. Fuck me in the ass.

What does this mean?

Certified organic=food budget grows exponentially.

This is all accompanied by monthly B12 shots.

Yep. And a carny moved in next door.

It's my life.

Isn't if full of unexpected moments? (this is where we all chuckle)

You may be asking yourself...what do I think? After spending 6 weeks as her research project, I believe her. I am doing as she asks, well, tells me because she doesn't ask. She tells. She said I should feel a tremendous improvement in a month. I think I will fit into that red dress again in a couple months...

Do you know what wacko things just a B12 deficiency causes? It's wild. It's wacky.

Anyway...here goes. The eat lean, poop green lifestyle is moving to certified organic.

I wonder if I can sell my poop.


Ms. A said...

Do you have MTHFR mutations? Are your levels showing elevated, or deficient?

Ms. A said...

Duh! You said deficient and shots. Sorry, my brain doesn't cooperate with me.

Coffeypot said...

I wonder if some of those chemicals you used when you had your landscaping business has caused some of this? And I do believe that aging has a lot to do with it, too. So, do you have room to grow your own crops? That would help you control your chemical intake
Oh, and nice tits, too.

Well Seasoned Fool said...

1 coffeypot.

MrGarabaldi said...

Hey Momma Fargo,

I have started going the organic route, but it is hard, I love my frozen reeses cups:) I don't think I will ever have the green poo unless I seriously increase my intake of leafy spinach. On a different note...Very nice boobs:) I am a guy you know...

Old NFO said...

+ whatever on the landscaping stuff. But glad you're at least starting to get some answers. Hope you're feeling better soon!

GunDiva said...

Organic is expensive shit. Plant a garden. Really. Start canning your own stuff.

Jay and I are trying to cut out all the processed food, but it's hard and costly. I have found that I prefer what we make at home over restaurant food. Now we're just trying to balance it all.