Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...







Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Bum Poo

Sooooo....it's time for another edition of Mommy in the Hood...

I get to go to Greece for work. What does that mean? Exactly. Work retreat. Go me!

Finally, a break in the clouds and sunshine on my face. Doing the happy dance at work. Moonwalking in my office at my desk. Sprinkler. The Dougie.


I did security for them once. When the song came on, I might have been dancing in the dark corner of the Casper Events Center. Maybe. In uniform. Possibly. No. It was before Snapchat and Instagram. I don't even think videos were a thought on cell phones back then except to capture bad moves by the police.

Actually...The Carlton.



It beats yesterday...

(missed calls from Bug=8)

Hmm. This looks like crisis hotline dialing. I called her back.

"MOM! I am so mad! You would not believe!"

At this point, I am driving home after my workout and holding the phone about 2 feet away as her teenager screech was killing me.

"What is wrong?"

I am not moved in the least toward her anxiety levels.

"MURPHY MADE ME SO MAD!"

Pretty much bracing myself for another "dog ate your prized possessions" story.



"Well, what happened?"

"I TOOK MURPHY OUTSIDE TO POOP. AND I WALKED HIM AROUND!"

"Could you use your inside voice?"

"I AM USING MY INSIDE VOICE! HE DIDN'T POOP AND THE MINUTE I TOOK HIM INSIDE, HE POOPED AND IT'S STUCK TO HIS BUTT! IT IS SO GROSS!"

"Well, take a paper towel and pull the poop off and throw it away. The good news is it isn't on the floor or carpet."

"NO! NO! I AM NOT TOUCHING THAT. HE IS GOING TO WEAR IT UNTIL YOU ARE HOME! HURRY! FAST! I CAN'T TAKE IT! IT STINKS! HIS BUTT IF FULL OF POO!"

(fake hyperventilating)

"Stop it. You are being ridiculous."

"I AM SERIOUS! I MIGHT PASS OUT!"

"Well, I wouldn't do that if I were you. Murphy might sit on you with poop on his bum or lick your face."

"OH GROSS! I'M GOING TO LOCK MYSELF IN MY ROOM UNTIL YOU GET HOME!"

"Suit yourself. I might stop at the store. Or get the mail. Or visit. Someone."

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYONE. YOU ARE STALLING! GET HOME!"

I heard a door slam at the same time she disconnected the call.

And so it was.

All that over a dingleberry.

Cutest dog ever
Yes. I got the poor puppy clean and back in order. I might have left her in her room for a while and exaggerated the operation of the poo removal. It was a dramatization of sorts.


Yes, I remove poo from dogs' bums.

Just get up all in there.

Get 'er done.

Just do it.

Quit slackin' and make shit happen.

Like a boss.

4 comments:

Coffeypot said...

Maybe you should have been a nurse in an old folks home.

MrGarabaldi said...

Hey Momma Fargo;

Kids today are soo squeamish....

I tell my son..."Deal with it...Put on your big boy pants and solve it."..I get the look and exasperated sigh..and the theatrics....

Tennessee Grammie said...

Trim off the fur around Murphy's bum and down the back of his legs. It's what I do with Sable to prevent 'Klingons.' On another thought, it's going to be entertaining to see Bug with her first baby... :)

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
"The Carlton"...somehow, I can picture you dancing it...(wild, huh?)
As for the doggie poo and Bug...
LOL...had a star trek situation - a case of the KLINGONS (to Murph).

Doesn't me have a LAW regarding that sorta stuff?

Stay safe down there, dear.