Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Friday, May 15, 2015

You're So Meme

Yesterday was such a blur. Maybe because my contacts were stuck in my head all day. Like in the upper cornea. It hurt like a bitch. I just dealt with it until after work, then I donned my slutty librarian glasses minus the slut and the librarian.

Perhaps it was a blur because it was busy and not due to my gooey contact issue.

I feel like I am riding life by the seat of my pants some days and others on the back of a turtle.

But... life is good.

Yesterday's news...

Moose is on the naughty train and ate my Oakleys which were sentimental to me as I wore them on patrol, when I went shooting, and when I ran races. He's lucky he isn't a German rug. I decided to give him another chance.

Oakley glasses on the other hand were buried in the garbage with long sobs and feelings of defeat.

It's hard to think life might go on without them.

Murphy drug out my shoes from my closet before I caught him on the naughty train and he crawled away begging for mercy.  He tried to give the appearance he was lining my shoes up nicely, but he didn't fool me.

There is a reason why every door in the house is shut or locked. He still manages to open the bathroom one because it doesn't secure properly and I can hear his head in the toilet. Makes for some interesting face kissing and I have to refrain from loves until I scrub his face.

He brings all new meaning to butthead.

I wonder if dogs go around all day smelling butt because when they sniff butts and crotches and lick their butts, balls, and private matters...that is sticks to their nose. Kind of like when I went to dead body calls and that smell was up my nose for a long time. It's a question. I really am going to have reevaluate where I kiss their cute little faces or if I use wet wipes first.

Sasha Fierce (Olliver) has been an angel so I am waiting for that other shoe to drop.

Bug is full of piss and vinegar just like a teenager outta be. Beat me.

I exercised three times yesterday. I think it was a B12 crack attack. I burned 3, 012 calories during those moments and dropped 1.2 lbs. Crazy. I felt like a Big Loser contestant only smaller.

In new news...

It's paint scraping season on the Harry Potter House since the tornado-ish storm did not take care of it for me. Drat you, Mother Nature! Of course, you took care of the neighborhood trees and power lines. Figures.

Our local sheriff died. Just like that. This morning. During police memorial week. Aged 52. He was a good man and law enforcement official. Puts things in perspective nowadays since I am fast approaching that half century mark.

Speaking of halfs...

I'm thinking I might try a half marathon in the fall. It's a thought. It hasn't gotten much farther than that at this time.

So isn't it funny that a person talks, posts, or plasters all over the place what is occupying their moments at the moment or their time all of the time? It's a complex problem. For instance, I talk about Eat Lean Poop Green a lot which is mostly greens in and greens out. I talk poop shit. Or I talk about the runs or running. They are just a variation of the word run. Where is my range time? Where are my gun priorities? Reading? Art? Gardening?

It's like it got sucked up in the vortex. Mother Nature is all about gun control. I think she is a liberal.

My life has amounted to poop and greens. 

Does this mean I have hit geriatric stage? 

I must get more CrossFit in those workouts because my muscles need a little something something.

Or should I say my muscles lack there of...NOT THE DREADED BAT WINGS AND BACK FAT. No, but it feels like that sometimes. I think it is the sludge of old age and everything is in slow motion in life, but fast in your mind. Like I think I am going very fast, but I'm really snail speed. I wonder what that feeling will be like when I am 70.

I'll be a rocket! In my mind.

BUT-Fat follows you and muscle keeps up with you.

I must be getting creeped out by what's behind me. Is it following me or stalking me? I don't know. It must go! I'm a poet and I know it. Clap my hands.

Right now I just want to take a nap. You know those afternoon snooze attacks? I told the front desk I wanted to celebrate Mexico and take a siesta. They did not embrace their international funny.

See how weird I can get? I think it is the B12 or the spinach. Not sure. I should conduct a study of myself.  I know, right? Scary. There I said it before you did.


lotta joy said...

I had a litter trained house rabbit and whenever he got mad at me, he'd run into the kitchen to pee in my shoe. So obviously your animals are expressing their anger and I want to know what you are doing to those poor angels!

As for what you'll feel like in your 70s, Joe and I are already scared shitless of that thought. When you turn 50, body parts will start falling apart. When you turn 60, you'll need a little red wagon to pick UP those body parts as the fall off.

Eat lean, poop green? HA! Already you're doomed. In old age you will start pooping rainbows, because it's easy to gum Fruit Loops.

Momma Fargo said...

lotta joy...you made me pee my pats. See...it's happening already. LOL. INCINTINECE!!! I have no idea what I am doing to the puppies. They are spoiled rotten.