Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...







Thursday, September 17, 2015

Knock Knock Goose

It's Throwback Thursday...I found this little gem from 2011. Thought I would share. Gives me a little giggle when I go down memory lane...

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Police officers often get innovative when it comes to getting someone to answer the door. When the typical knocking doesn't work on the average crackhead, we sometimes have to think outside the box.

Do we cover up the peephole? Sometimes. That's been a worn out method, however, and they are on to us.

We were headed to Slumville to pick up a certain crackhead on a warrant.

OFFICER BILLBOARD: I'll get this, Fargo. Watch and learn. The dog scratch always works.

ME: What?

OFFICER BILLBOARD: The Dog Scratch.

So...he bent down and clawed at the door. Like three or four times. Inside...a large dog barked and came to sniff the bottom of the door from the other side, then growled.

Nothing.Nada. No PERSON came to the door.

ME: That's working great.

OFFICER BILLBOARD: It usually works. They think there's a dog at the door and come to look. Half the time they think their dog is loose.

ME: I see.

OFFICER BILLBOARD: Let's try the Zombie Knock.

ME: What the hell? Do you sit around your X-Box at night and think of these ding dong ideas?

OFFICER BILLBOARD: Nah. It's an on-duty thinking process.

ME: Super.

So....he slapped the top of the door and drug his hand down to the bottom like he was smearing blood. The same large dog barked again.

OFFICER BILLBOARD: This is going to work.

ME: Ah. Huh.

Nothing. Nada. No PERSON came to the door.

OFFICER BILLBOARD: I'm going to try music and a Music Tap Knock.

ME: Okey. Dokey. [roll eyes]

So....he played Sexy And I Know It and knocked like a goof ball on the door.

The same dog barked. He didn't sniff. He ran and jumped at the door.

Nothing. Nada. No one came to the door.

ME: Let me try.

OFFICER BILLBOARD: Ok. They are passed out. You won't get anything.

So.....I kicked the door several times. Then kicked it again and yelled into the apartment.

ME: HEY! ANSWER THE FUCKING DOOR! IT'S COLD OUT HERE.

Pretty soon....

WANTED KURT: Fuck. [opened the door] What the hell do you want?

ME: Hi. Good morning! We have a warrant for your arrest.

WANTED KURT: Fucking cops. Are you fucking kidding me?

OFFICER BILLBOARD: Sorry, buddy. Judge's order.

WANTED KURT: Dammit!

And...off to jail he went...all his tats including the barbed wire necklace and skull on his skull. Beautiful.

Later...

OFFICER BILLBOARD: Just so you know...that trick was a fluke.

ME: Ah. Huh. Remember. I'm a girl with the mind of a Jedi. Star Wars is where it's at, buddy. [big cheesy grin]

OFFICER BILLBOARD: *blink*blink*

3 comments:

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
ROFL...that was BRILLIANT!
Love the different "methods" of knocking...I think we ALL must have done them all at least once.
Then again, you REALLY have to get creative when you lock yourself out of the car in front of the driveway at 2AM and try NOT wake the neighbors while waking someone in YOUR house up.
(I have since ALWAYS carried a spare DOOR key).
Lesson learned.

Very good post.
Roll safe down there, dear.

Old NFO said...

Good one! :-)

Barfly said...

I'm still here' momma. Lot of stuff has gone down but....