|See? Nice Person|
I drive to the location of the pick up. No, it is not about drugs or contraband.
My luck it goes like this...
"Damn vehicle. Not running. Cost me lots of money."
"Been there. I know how you feel. Let's go."
Car chatter. (Chatter within the compartment of the interior of the vehicle)
|Look of Shit Thee Pants|
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"
"What the hell?"
"I just hit a fucking possum!!!"
"So? It's just a possum."
"It probably took out the underneath of my car. It was a big mother fucker."
"You are exaggerating."
"I am not."
clink clink clink clink clink clink clink clink clink kkkkkkkkkkkkk
"See. Hear that noise? Fucker don't believe me."
"It's your brakes. You slammed them to where you need new ones."
"How high are you? That's either a possum underneath the car or parts dragging."
"Probably a possum stuck under there. Wouldn't it be great if you looked under there and he said, "Oh, hello! Could you kindly detach my ass from your kick plate? Screech!" Yeah. Then hiss at you. Scare the shit out of you. You piss you pants and hit your head on the bumper." (sarcastic laugh)
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"You can't say fuck. You are not a cop anymore."
So, I stop the car, look underneath, and sure enough, the undercarriage is screwed, dragging shit down there.
"I guess I will be a man and put that back up for you so it will hold until you get it fixed."
Of course, being a woman, I have to double check the man's work. So, I get my shirt all ratty to double check a man's work.
"Really? You didn't secure that."
Pound, pound. Slam, slam.
"Fixed now. You know, my other cop friends would have done this all for me and I would not have had to double check it. I want to be a princess again. Damn it."
"Oh, sure, you have to pull out your man card and show me up, then insult me with my other friends are better than you."
"Well, fix it right. Go ahead and tell me I was right."
"We should go back and bury that possum."
"Why the fuck for? It's a possum."
"He didn't deserve to die like that."
"For all you know, he committed suicide by crossing the road. You can't get into the mind of a possum. It's a fucking possum."
" Buddha would be displeased."
"If you were a Buddhist you would have avoided the possum and killed us in the ditch."