Thanks for sticking around.
I'm pretty sure it's my spelling. For instance, let me take you back to 2011.
Things were shaking up at the House of PoPo whilst I was away.
The physical fitness test has been modified. Yes. It is still mandatory. Yes. It is still Olympic standards. However...the Chief took away the punitive part of the testing...no termination...and no flagging your jacket and disqualifying you for promotion or new assignments. Those are big deals. I'm somewhat relieved.
I think our department is about retention right now. We are losing veteran officers to other jobs...not other law enforcement agencies...but other careers all together.
Getting back in the swing of things has not been a very nice cup of tea for Fargo. It's like getting off the short bus with glee only to find yourself without your green helmet.
For instance, Squirrel pulled over a psycho.
Not only was he over 260 pounds, wearing plaid pajamas and sporting pink hair, but he was on top of his car jumping up and down like a monkey...and screaming.
Instead of getting my bitch on in 2.2...I just gawked in silence. Occasionally I would look back at Squirrel. He was giving me the gentle shoving signs to get my bitch on and show this guy that the PoPo were not going to allow this shenanigans.
Why? Why interfere? It was entertaining. I didn't want to stop the behavior. He was damaging his own property...so who cares! He was mad at himself for hitting a tree and it was late morning. Afterall, the whole neighborhood was getting a freak show free of charge!
Was I a failure as a public servant? Well, I surely didn't see it that way.
I decided to get the information from the other passengers and pass it along to Squirrel for his accident report. Information like name, address, date of birth, phone number, etc. After I was finished being the perfect little assistant backup Queen, I then gave him the paper:
SQUIRREL: What does this say? Janazapan?
SQUIRREL: This is terrible. What happened to you?
OFFICER GUNCRAZY: What's wrong with her handwriting? I can read it.
ME: Yeah. Me, too.
SQUIRREL: What's this? Slobbermahanalink?
ME: Middle row backseat. Lincoln. Geesh.
OFFICER GUNCRAZY: I would have never complained. You can read mine, I can read yours.
ME: Thank you. That is why we work the same area and are partners. Harmony!
SQUIRREL: I think you lost your PoPo magic while you were gone. What is this? Willbdrivahanagan?
ME: William. Backseat behind driver.
OFFICER GUNCRAZY: I could read it perfectly.
SQUIRREL: This is terrible. Why don't you guys go work your magic on that dude with the pink hair?
OFFICER WOJO: This dude is nuts. Did you see the front of his car?
ME: George of the Jungle.
ME/GUNCRAZY: Watch out for that tree!
ME: High five!
So GUNCRAZY and I reaffirmed we had not lost the magic aura we shared..working the same area... knowing how to mesh as area partners. We were in cop bliss...thinking on the same page.
SQUIRREL: [big sigh] Could you go help that crazy guy? I'm lost with him.
ME: Why? He will run out of steam. The average fat person can only last on crazy at full speed for two days and 2.5 hours. Then they peeter out.
OFFICER GUNCRAZY: It's true. Venting at Mach 7 is actually good for the brain waves and it later boosts creativity and reproduction.
And then it snowed. Life was perfect in Antartica again.