Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...







Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Random Tuesday Musings

Home. Where do you define it? Is it where you live now or where you grew up? OR-is it where you were born?

For me...it is where I grew up and where I make my home location-both-BUT...they have different home feelings if that means anything or makes sense. It makes sense to me. It's where the heart is, right? But when I think of HOME...it is Farson, Wyoming. I think I could find my inner peace anywhere in Wyoming, but when you go into Mitch's Cafe in Farson...there is always a familiar face and big greeting. It always was home.

I don't know what it means to Bug. I've asked the question, but I get a vagueness stemmed from the teenager mind. Maybe she will come to know and understand that later.


For now, I feel comfortable in the Harry Potter House. It is a happy house. I am attached to it, but not seeing myself forever living there. But while I am, I will be a good steward and improve it as I can.

Now...the state. Right now I am so not happy with the backwoods/backwards government. I even tweeted non-stop to Gov. Pence. Think they might send black helicopters my way? Nah. It wasn't hateful. It was asking for a repeal of the religious freedom law which to me makes no sense how they can pass something in contradiction to federal law and civil rights. 

Oiks. No cake for me!


Our university president even sent out a public statement. For the most part, people are shouting out for action to repeal it. I do have friends near and far who think the law is a good idea based upon the fact that religion has come under fire and it is almost a "crime" to have religion. I understand this as well. I just don't think this law is the answer and it's like moon walking to woods. Shameful.


Word to the Govnah!


In the last week, so many huge events have pulled out like a train or...or just like the old "let's not get sperms in there pullouts" and may never return. Talk about economic impact. And the Governor didn't see that coming? Duh. This state's economy sucks ballz anyway. You can't find a good paying job anywhere. Plus, the government corruption and mishandling of funds is immense. So stupid is as stupid does. And they wonder why the state flounders.

Another thing getting my goat? Weather. It sucks ballz. I have a box of ammo to review and I want to get to the range. This last weekend...17 degrees...30 degrees...rain. Ugh. Thursday...I have the first day planned to get there after work and I have to go speak to a class. BEAT ME! #*$%)_@#*(&$_@$ Lots of symbol cursing going on. 



Have I felt my crack moment from my B12 shots? Nope. Not one thing. Have I felt better? Yes. Mostly from the organic food intake, I surmise. Today is a struggle. At 10:00 am, I ate my breakfast and my lunch. Why? Because I was hungry. I must choose and package meals together in thingies more wisely. I also forgot my nuts. I know. You don't say? Yes. My boost of protein before workout. Poop. Shit. 

I had a crazy weekend and time to get back on schedule. Last night Bug and I worked out in our garage. I was kicking my own ass with my jump rope. I have a high quality Rogue jump rope. It's a really really go fast and efficient competition jump rope. Go really really fast now. Still have not mastered the double unders in a long run, but I can master the speed of singles. Bad thing is when it stops. Yeah. F*uck that. I know what it is like to get caned in the shins. 



I had worked out on lunch also. It was mostly neck exercises and posturing. That's what I call walking with a book on your head. Only my book is imaginary because I don't want to look too stupid in the gym...just sorta odd.  And the other thing? I hate vagina sweat when you have to go back to the office. Yes. I clean myself up, but it is humid in there and the condensation continues even after you clean up and change. It's Hoo-ha Sauna with undertones of Bahamian Blast and Hawaiian Night Bliss. Blah. I also hate butt crack sweat. I always wear black so you can't see the stream from the front or the back. It just lays there. Accumulating. Going somewhere. Running. Dripping. In a puddle. Feels like... you peed your pants. Smells like...Yeck. No I don't bend down there and smell myself while running. I just imagine it smells like a tuna in the locker room. Ok. That was creeptastic. 

What did you learn about today? Oh...I read about Fargo's vagina. 

Yeah. Sorry. Many moments of your life I can't give back. You're welcome!






Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Anthem Claims Do Not Cover Boobs On The Ground

Today is melancholy. I have often wondered what color that is. So I Googled it. Apparently, it is blue. Hmm... I don't know, but I was thinking it was kind of green. Maybe because it had the word "melon" in it.

Watching the Robert Durst story unfold. The Jinx is on HBO, but I am also keeping up with the news as well. Bizarro.

I was informed of a young man from home who passed last night. His parents used to live down the road from me when I was a kid. I knew him when he was little. He was 36. It makes me kind of numb and thankful for my life at the same time. He left behind a wife (whom I also knew and went to school with her older sister and brother) and little boys. Lots of prayers sent their way.

Anthem insurance. Not sure how I feel about them right now. They say the breach was the university. The university says it was Anthem. Love that finger pointing to avoid liability. I received my assessment of the billing for my neck. I am not thrilled about that. It seems they are not paying for any of it. What do we have insurance for? LOL. Dammit. Oh, yeah...to give our identities out to hackers.

Buying organic will break your bank. Now it is time to assess just what I will invest in and what will have to be passed on. I can tell you, paying $2.79 for a dozen of organic eggs goes farther than $9.68 for a couple of organic chicken tenders. Funny because regular "crap" eggs cost $.79 a dozen. Big disparity. So what do you do? Go against the grain and count your chickens before they hatch. Putting the egg before the chicken. Duh. I am no math wizard, but I know what works in the budget.

Bug has been very good in the last week. Not sure, but I think I am waiting for the lull before the storm to be over soon. Teen hormones. However, I worry about her. It's the motherly thing to do. Am I good enough to her? Am I teaching her the right things? Is she doing well both mentally and physically? I sometimes think what I do or say today will make the wrong impact on her later. Ugh. The pressure! Note to self: in next life...be a OB/GYN or pediatric nurse who hugs babies and gives them to parents. How can you go wrong with a hug, right? Oh, wait. Great idea. I'm going to hug Bug more often!

New Princeton study says US is no longer a democracy. That should scare the hell out each one of us. What do you think?

It's cold. I am not happy about that. I want to go to the range but I don't want to freeze my ass off. I like my firearms but not when they are frozen to my hands.

This morning, at 0450, I was super lazy. Moose had to pee so I in my flannel jammie bottoms and t-shirt, boobs hanging to the ground, took him outside. It was entirely too cold for March 24, so I stood in the warm door way and leaned out so he could go a few feet away. I pretty much have adopted the ghettohood way of life. The leash was about 10 ft long. In the darkness, I saw movement in the alley and heard the familiar noise. It was my behind neighbor who is a retired engineer. He was walking his Corgi as he always does. However, usually his first walk is at 0800. He must not have been able to sleep. Needless to say, I was embarrassed. I picked my boobs up off the ground, held them and covered them up for obvious reasons and said, "Howdy. Top of the morning to you." I did not apologize for my looks nor my twangle of British and Western. I took Moose inside. He did not utter a word. I don't think I can face him again...the neighbor, not Moose.

In my mind I did not look like this, but I wished I had...

Photo credit: Pinterest: bodymindsoulfit.blogspot.com


I'm pretty sure me and Maxine iz kin...



Screw you, Anthem, for not covering my neck bills. I'm pretty sure my boobs would not be in this predicament if my neck would hold everything up.


Monday, March 23, 2015

Pickles

So...I know everyone is dying to hear this story. I was called by Johnny The Preacher Man's daughter to attend a soup supper and bible study with the added plug that one of the elderly ladies really missed me and was having a hard time. Yes, guilt set in. So we went and had a nice time fixing soup for the church congregation. Then we went upstairs for bible study. There was the lovely Miss Ora who is General George Patton's first cousin. She is proud of that and I brag about it for her because it is cool. She is a delightful lady.

We hugged and caught up on things. It made her sparkle to see me and she cried when she saw me enter the sanctuary. I was glad to see her as well.

Anyhoozle, so begins the lessons in Romans. We are talking about the Ten Commandments when all of a sudden, Johnny the Preach Man says this, " Listen, folks, I know we have a police officer in the midst and bless her, but I need to tell you. The police are not our friends anymore. If you are questioned by the police, you should always refuse to speak to them and ask for your attorney. If they continue to ask you questions, you should still stand firm and ask for an attorney. Never. Not even if you witness something because getting involved and things...they twist the truth. I have seen it too much. It is happening all over America."

Yep. Beat me.

What the? went right through my mind.

So...I interjected into this ridiculous jab at me (or at least I took it as a personal jab-why? I think he is bitter I left the church) and I said, "Actually, if you have to say it more than once, they are violating your civil rights."

Boom.

Not that I didn't agree with the fact I would advise people who are suspects to ask for their attorneys. Duh. It was more than that. He was talking about something AGAIN outside of the scope of bible study and the messages get lost in his political bandstanding. Drives me nuts. He also was negative toward police and by golly, that gets my goat. And I don't even have goats.

I suffered through the rest of the allotted hour which took two because he kept going on and on. I was sitting with gritted teeth and fake face listening to his beratement (that is a word) of law enforcement and his stance on how the Christian school teaches all the kids to never talk to police and ask for a lawyer. Really? Again, I would argue with anyone that they do not understand these things until they are older and I believe the tone and way he is teaching this is giving them the idea that police officers are not there to help them, but to put them in jail. So...if a kiddo is a witness to a crime...he is supposed to ask for a lawyer? Puhlease.

I took that as my cue to never return.

Unfortunately, I will miss Ora and I do enjoy the folks. And I must beat myself because a while ago I was asked to help out with an event this summer and I said, "yes" and now my mind wants to say, "no". But...I gave my word. Perhaps a bird can poop in my eye in time for me to bow out gracefully.

Funny thing is...no one gave any input to his rant. I wonder if they agree or just smile and nod to get him to shut up and move on. Or perhaps they were as uncomfortable as me because of his tone and pitch.

And another funny thing is...I went to my Lutheran church Sunday and heard the message of the divine story of Easter loud and clear. The sermon was phenomenal as was the choir. It was peaceful. All wrapped up within an hour. Because that is how Lutherans roll.

Oy.

Is it just me? Am I the only one who gets in pickles?

Chief Weirdo

Today is all about weird.



Sometimes I question things.

I know, it's a loaded statement.

Murphy has become my right hand man. He never leaves my side and follows me all over the house. Like Otis. I looked at him and he looked at me when I was watching The Walking Dead. BTW...I am not impressed with it right now. I think Michonne did all I felt I should do and that was whack the shit out of Rick to make his crazy ass shut the hell up. He has the same look as Otis. I know I sound like a freakin' weirdo, but it is true. He sits on my feet like Otis did. He has that gentleness about him that Otis did. Sometimes I catch myself calling him Otis. I know he is his own person..dog...but some things are just weird. Maybe God blessed me with another Otis. I don't know. It's just a weird thing I noticed or maybe the voices in my head are making it up. Who knows!

I do know the dogs are happy and I am happy and the Bug is happy. Weird, huh? Not really. We are normally happy people.



I guess the doc was right about something. I ingested only organic foods this weekend-well, since Thursday-and kept the same routine, changing nothing but the food. Well, except I ate more calories as required by the doc. Guess what? In four days since seeing the good doctor, 5 pounds gone. Weird, right?

I don't know. I think it is weird.

I have not noticed the B12 kick in yet. According to a lady down the hall whose husband had to get B12 shots...I will feel and act like I am on crack/speed. I'm excited with anticipation for that moment. Weird, right?



I am reviewing some ammo from Ammoman.com  Let me tell you...so far...I am WAY impressed with the customer service. They reached out. I jumped up and down with a loud YES! I received a confirmation email of the shipment and it blew me away (not literally) because they were sending several boxes of different calibers. Beyond my expectations!  Bam! I had ammo... like...NOW!

I wonder if they had elves who sat outside my door waiting for my answer. It was that fast.

Weird, right? A company with fantastic customer service and great products? I know. I know.

When I responded to the inquiry, I thought it would be one or two boxes. Try bunches...sitting in my house...waiting for me to go to the range. Wow. Was I floored! And different calibers I use and often. Guess who gets to try all these out? Yeah. Me. And I browsed on the website...great prices. So...I am going to review them all with pics and details soon. Stay tuned. I am excited about this. They might become my new best friend.





Friday, March 20, 2015

Certifiable: Eat Lean, Poop Green

So...inquiring minds want to know...what is wrong with Fargo?

I have a partial diagnosis. I have a rare condition only subjected to the "group of extraordinary weirdos." What does this mean?

This means my bloodwork was a disaster. But I'm not going to die.

In fact, the future looks bright with some solutions. On the good end of the stick...(btw...really? Who the fuck came up with that one? What determines a good end? What does that mean?)...I don't have any major diseases yet and I am going to be back doing super secret ninja tricks and shit.

Apparently, I have several deficiencies on top of bad blood chemistry which is causing a chemical tornado in my body which triggers all kinds of physical problems. I asked if it may or may not be related to my loss of vision, but my doctor does not think so...so...on that note, I am now being sent to an opthlmologist.

In fact, when being presented with my lab results and her findings from my "issues", she told me what I was about to hear might sound ridiculous and would probably receive scrutiny from me or others, but it is the truth.



The doc stated I have an adverse reaction going on in my body which is attacking my immune system and metabolism related to biogenetically engineered food, preservatives, additives, and chemicals. A big science experiment is going on inside my body but the toxins are staying there having a party and breaking down things and organs to create an autoimmune problem. My office manager thinks it is a load of crap. She stopped at organic and walked away, waving her hands not wanting to hear any more information. She asked, I told. Obviously, she really didn't want to know the details, just whether or not I was dying of a rare disease.



Out with all my canned goods. Out with frozen anything which is not fresh frozen. Out with flour. Out with refined sugar. Now what? I won't be ready for the Zombie Apocalype. Do you know what kind of stress this causes?

So...now I have to get rid of every canned food item, refined sugars, anything grown with pesticides, biogenetically engineered and blah, blah, blah. I had to do homework and research myself. I got a list of foods. I got a list of where to buy them, what to look for. I can't have any more Cadbury Creme Eggs. Well, I can, but it might make me sick. Fuck me in the ass.



What does this mean?

Certified organic=food budget grows exponentially.

This is all accompanied by monthly B12 shots.

Yep. And a carny moved in next door.

It's my life.

Isn't if full of unexpected moments? (this is where we all chuckle)

You may be asking yourself...what do I think? After spending 6 weeks as her research project, I believe her. I am doing as she asks, well, tells me because she doesn't ask. She tells. She said I should feel a tremendous improvement in a month. I think I will fit into that red dress again in a couple months...



Do you know what wacko things just a B12 deficiency causes? It's wild. It's wacky.

Anyway...here goes. The eat lean, poop green lifestyle is moving to certified organic.

I wonder if I can sell my poop.



Thursday, March 19, 2015

D'oh! Big Butts!

"Let's go upstairs and look at butts."

"Yeah. Butts."

Giggle.

It stopped me in my tracks. They were two college boys who looked like they didn't have a clue. I giggled to myself. I don't know why I even pay attention because usually I try to blend into the wall. I'm sure I thought that way when I was that age, too. But then there was that opportunity...

"Listen, you little shits. No one goes to the gym to look at butts. They are trying to work out in peace and don't need anyone google eyeing them. You want to look at butts? Pull up JLo on your computer. Otherwise...go downstairs and lift weights with the heathens. Leave the girls alone upstairs. Stop making them just an object. They have brains. Didn't you see that piece they did on the news? That poor girl. "

I couldn't resist being an asshole. I just felt like I had to. 

"Uh, uh, ma'am. We're gay."

"Oh. Oh. Carry on then. There are some nice butts up there."

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Conceal, Reveal, Don't Steal!

"What do you think about the state's proposal for open carry/concealed?"

"I think it evens the playing field. I am concerned the state is afraid of change and will deny it, though."

"See! I knew I liked this one!"

"Don't you think you are asking a moot point at the shooting range? Your audience is kind of biased."

"Well, I was just curious."

"I believe gun control only hurts the good guys and the bad guys are always going to get a gun or find ways to break the law."

"See! I knew I liked this one!"



Trap shooting started yesterday. It was a good day. Any day at the range is a good day. However, I finally did better than most of the old farts. In fact, Ranger John said I was the star of the day and helped zoom in my skills with critiques. Now...to slaughter the masses with elite scores throughout the year. It's a goal. Second goal...to get my daughter to compete with me.




Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Ah The Spies

It amazes me people think I don't know I am a public internet site. After all, I am the alpha and omega of The Boogie Man Is My Friend. It was created in 2009. By. Myself.

I have been as transparent on here as Americans require of the government. If Obama poops, America wants to know and not only know, but they want a description. For instance, most people would like to know government color and consistency, along with the disclosure of the secret location of the dump. Why? Well, if the President has diarrhea-is it because he is stressed or did he eat something that doesn't agree with him? We can predict and assume with poo descriptions. Was he in a public place or a private latrine? Inquiring minds want to know.

That's me.

We discuss poo. You can predict or assume my shit happenings. Or, I will just tell you about it.

My two husbands all know about my poo, their own poo,  and anything on here because they both know about the blog. As far as I know...they can read. They have the URL or they know how to Google. So, if you are in Denver or Wyoming or your slice of heaven anywhere on earth and you feel like you need to spy for him, go forth and do. Report away. Do you need his email? Phone number? Find him on Facebook? If my life is that interesting to you...share! If you do it to get me riled up because he will question me about "issues" on the blog or say he does not like me talking about "certain things", it won't work. Why?

Because I don't give a fuck.

Why?

1) Because it is my blog and it is no longer his or a part of him. Actually, it never was. It was always about me and my life. He was just a supporting actor once. He is only a part of my child's life. I tell him these same things and did so today.  He agrees it is my life. He agrees he can't control what I write. I don't care what he does in his life as long as he pays the marital bills (his half still unpaid) and is a good father. Thus, we have a problem, dig it? Because they are unresolved issues. Believe his side; it matters not to me.

2) Because he knows. He knows I don't lie. He might get embarrassed or blow it off or try to tell a different story to save face. That's Ok. Maybe I need to be nicer. Maybe I am just a neutral resting bitch face type of person who isn't going to be snapped at anymore or pull any punches. He knows that, too.

3)Because it is the truth. That is what really pisses someone off..."airing dirty laundry". Well, sugar, I go commando.

4)He was there when the blog was birthed. He was there when I gave birth to Bug. I believe this is where the jealousy lies because his new wife will never have that and there is always that history. Some people can't get over that. Again, those things matter to me not. Oh, except...who's first in line for his social security? Me. Yep. That right there was me being a smart assed bitch. 

5)He gets told of the problems and the triumphs with the kiddo offline. I know, it is a shock. We sometimes communicate. Sometimes well, sometimes not so. He is the father. I was with the first husband for over 22 years. We grew up together. There isn't much he doesn't know and I really don't give a shit about him or his life now except how it relates to Bug. AND when he pays off his half of the marital debit... and how it affects my credit... those things affect me. And then...someday when we die of old age or get hit by a bus...we will never have a reason to communicate. Why? Because we will be dead.

Bug knows her funnies and tantrums are sometimes revealed on the blog as well. Again, I am no mystery. I am transparent.

So...spies like us. Go fuck yourself. You may stay here and read all you like. If the fodder interests you, join us if you will, I don't mind.  If life's diarrhea makes you tag along, I am your toilet paper. If my life interests you that much or if you do it just to report to the husbands, so be it. But don't think anything you say to the first one will affect me. It amuses me anyone gives a fuck enough to tattle, especially anyone associated with him. Why are you here? What do you need? Would you like me to help you? I have multiple blogs. I write all over the place. I have a Twitter account, LinkedIn, and Facebook pages up the wazoo.

I believe blood is important and a parent's love should be unconditional and unwavering no matter who is the new spouse. Spouses should not interfere with a child's love or a parent-child relationship. Some new spouses are just dicks of the earth like that and push the child aside to alter the child-parent relationship. I don't think you should abandon or even slight your chidren. Ever. For anyone. So that's what we deal with at the Harry Potter House...the single parent life. I am the mother. I am a part time father.

Spirit Taco

Is the mind and the brain the same thing or mutually exclusive? It's just a question.

Last night sneakeded (yes, that is a word) into the auditorium trying to blend in like a student. Yeah. I know. You are laughing. I wanted to see Rainn Wilson. There were a few more older adults sprinkled amongst the yoot, so I didn't feel so out of place. His messages hit me loud and clear. His intellectual side was quite impressive. Sometimes we only relate to the actor, not the person. As I listened to him, about 120 feet away, and awestruck, his story was full of inspiring messages. For instance, stop pursuing happiness as if you will never reach it. Be happy in all the moments along the way, but instead of the dirty word "happy"...be joyful. He emphasized pursuing happiness sounds unattainable and depressing. Instead, put your heart into everything, pay it forward when you can, and pursue human flourishing.

He also talked about failures along the way in our personal journeys. He said, "chew on life's big questions." Death was something he talks about a lot and I am along the same lines where I am not afraid to talk about it. Anyway, I found him inspirational and now I am off to find SoulPancake and read it. In the meantime, his website is awesome and edgy!

One of the students asked him how they came up with the name, "SoulPancake", and he stated, "Well, we were looking for a domain name and Spirit Taco was taken." Laughter from the crowd ensued, and he said, "Seriously." Another student asked him what his life philosophy and journey has in store for him on the big screen. He said, "Well, it has told me I have been in a lot of shitty movies." In a serious note he told us he likes all different kinds of roles in theatre, television, and movies. He likes raunchy comedy and weird roles. Rainn Wilson was most proud of his 25 year marriage and the work he and his company do to change America and other world countries. He said America is cynical and jaded and we need to spread joy, feed the hungry we leave behind, and make things positive. Is it a big pipe dream? I don't know. He influenced thousands of young minds last night to think outside the box.

Monday, March 16, 2015

Big Little Bug- Tune Up The Kid

This weekend was full of supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. That is translated to Super Cali Fragile Explosions in Big Doses. It's atrocious. The Bug was up and down with tears and then joy. I was exhausted. At least we came to an understanding yesterday. Today started out much better.

Teen years=when moms and dads lose their shit.

My race proved to be better than I thought. After getting an 80% recovery score at PT, I did the 5K race at a walk/run pace of 39 minutes. Yes, it is slow. However, considering I couldn't run for months and was enduring a lot of pain while even walking, I feel pretty good about it and it will only get better. Today, the neck is a little sore and I am working hard on exercises this lunch period.


Usually, I just want to go home and take a nap, but I drank my free beer at the finish line and felt wide awake and ready to tackle the world. Coincidentally, I just tackled the teenager attitude when I arrived in the door. I think she was waiting for me and holding in all her tude until I walked into the kitchen, then sprang on me like a sprung chicken. Yes, that is all grammatically screwed. It's how I roll...Fargo language.

Later in the evening, I took the twirp to Little Big Town. If I hadn't already promised her this occasion, I would have gone by myself to punish her ways. I realize I need to become a hardened criminal like Momster and stop being soft. It's not like I would have lost money anyway, but geesh, my word is my word. I know...I am contradicting and having conflict with myself and becoming an enabler for a day.

The smile on her face was worth it and it seemed to bring us to a place where we could talk about her emotional state with her father issues.

It is a huge benefit to have a wellness program to earn these dealios and I am using up my coupons. The ticket prices are not that bad around here compared to Wyoming prices. I was amazed. Economy difference, I guess.

In all the concerts I have attended (which is quite a few over the years), it was at the top of the list, slowly squeezing into the grand prize favorite shows of  The Moody Blues and Garth Brooks as far as entertainment value. They were fabulous and brought up children, nerdy college students and the like to be on stage with them. They went out to the crowd; they opened up more floor space. They joked with people and worked the crowd like they should as Entertainers of the Year.


I loved their new music along with the old hits. What more can I say? Bug took some shots which were not her best, but documented our closeness to the band.  She didn't even have to zoom in. Of course, the color quality and focus is a little sketchy, but who cares when you are having fun, right?


I might also add these women look FABULOUS at OUR age. *wink*wink*




Of course, the crowd favorite was Boondocks...and Pontoon...in reverse order...







And now...you know where I come from. Did it surprise you? I know, they don't mix real well with Eminem and Bone Thugs. 



Thursday, March 12, 2015

Head Trash



 
 


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          The Boogie Man Is My Friend
     
     


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Random Sh*t and Stuff

Random word of the day: piney-- "full of pines."






We all knew it would be a matter of time before the DOJ's review hit Ferguson and started up the animosity amongst the masses again. I feel like Ferguson is an eddy of Witch's Brew and people just can't get out no matter which way you spin the outcomes. The cesspool of Missouri, if you will. The new chief is going to have his or her hands full. How much money would it take for someone to work in that environment? Eh? We might joke they can only go up from here, but really, the pressure of NOT failing. Any stress while making improvements and change is heavy.

Prayers to the injured officers and my justice be swift to the bad guys!

I've been working on a new piece for my serious side which should be completed soon. It seems the more I write about the topic, the more tense it gets in that writer's world and my brain wants to explode. I may have to ease up a little bit and make it draw readers in more than sounding like a textbook. I mean, it's based on acumen, the word..well, and its meaning as well.

My neck is better and it gets worse. I assume it will be this way for a while until I find my groove and the level of pain or discomfort I will have to live with until it moves to a different stage of annoyment (that is a word). In the meantime, I am capitalizing on the feel good moments. 

My body has finally accepted the Eat Clean, Poop Green lifestyle. I was taken out to lunch and it went out as fast as it went in. REJECTION! This was followed by a long series of gas. Much obliged, Scotty!

Photo credit: Pinterest

As said before, I started marathon training again. Yes, it is slow. Being out of commission for so long, I am lucky to make it 3 miles without crapping out. I assume if all goes well, I will be ready within a year's time, so perhaps by Spring 2016, I will enter my first local marathon.



I won a prize at my university employee working well program. Yay! Free classes, concerts, and membership to our 40 million dollar rec center plus free rentals for outdoor equipment including paddle boards and boats. I am in hog heaven! Woo hoo! Yay me! I went to the running track last night and it smelled and felt like schweaty balls. I think they had the temp up to 90 degrees and with Indiana humidity, I felt like I was plastered between two ball sacks. But...it is an extremely nice facility.



The IRS still sucks balls because they owe me, but my ex owes them and so they are punishing me with his half of the unpaid tax bill. It is the way of the world I know. I was prepared somewhat but I found out they may be holding the remainder of mine because he owes from 2012 which was long after the divorce. Boo hiss, IRS, you can't do that. Be prepared for scrutiny and cursing! Just kidding. They scare me. I'm nice when I talk to them.

Photo credit: Pinterest

I was not hit by the Anthem breach for tax returns. Thank you, baby Jesus. However, I am concerned about identify theft for myself and my daughter. I mean, really, who wouldn't want to be me?

I just hope they pay all my bills...










Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Love Me Tinder

I never thought I would say the English language is becoming obsolete. Today, I have learned new slang words used by college students and the like. These words disturb me because of the bastardization of vocabulary.

Photo credit: Pinterest


The hippy days provided words like "swell", "groovy", and "hey, man." Later came "rad", "radical", "airhead", "barf me out". Within the last ten years we have become accustomed to "the bomb", "bling", and "beyotch."

To keep abreast of the latest chapter in the Urban Dictionary you must know:

bae or bey: term of endearment, upper cool or babe

brah: male friend

on fleek: the quality of being perfect, perfection

shifting: open mouth kissing

snogging: french kissing


Photo credit: Pinterest


Not only must you know the new language of the Urbans, but you should know the ways. Do you know how to use Tinder? It's a great app which allows you to find in your immediate area people who are willing to "hook up" (another 90s term). In other words, it puts a GPS literally on your ass and you can find people next to you who want to have sex on a whim. Kids are using it everywhere. It is worldwide. Scary, right? How about we just label that a "Jeepers Creepers" app. 

How about Instagram and the new Uglies. Those are pictures or yourself or others which are ugly, compromising, or silly. You shame people. It's shaming time. 

WTF does bae even mean? Shifting is the bomb, dude. Totally. How about a snog, brah? I'm going to own this slang LIKE A BOSS.

Yeah.

I've dumbed down, America. 


Photo credit: Pinterest


And as kids, we thought Shakespeare talked funny. 


I just have to keep up with this so I can monitor my kid's life. This is so complicated. To think, my parents knew we could be located in the pasture or the barn. Now I have to worry about Instagram, Tinder, Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, the park, the corner, the flop house, the boy down the road.


SAVE MEEEeeee!



Friday, March 6, 2015

50 Shades Of Green

Shh...I was not on the ball and did not create this post before or after work like usual, so I am doing it at my desk. Shh.. If anyone asks, I will have used my 15 minute morning break.

I have some random schmandom.

One thing is for sure, my Eat Clean Poop Green lifestyle is finally making a difference. I am not talking about the 50 shades of green which may or may not be the color of my poo. That depends on the intake veggies. But anyway, this post is not talking about the colors of feces.

It has taken quite some time to finally get all the toxins and bad "gunk" I will say, out of my system. My attitude is much better and I didn't realize how far in the hole you can get with a broken neck and constant pain until it becomes better. Although, I longed to run again and feel great, I didn't realize how much your body compensates for the discomfort and most importantly, how much it affected my attitude. I was really a bear. In my mind, I thought I was doing fine and at times I felt sorry for myself because my life is no where near where it needs to be, but I kept putting one step forward. It was a farce. I really wasn't fine. The physical pain and unhealthy status of my body really drug me down and it snuck up on me.

I think I had resting bitch face and denial. I will always have goals and move forward, but my outlook and despair was ridiculous.

Lastly, I was in a roller coaster relationship that wasn't for me but I think I tried to force it to work. I tried too hard and expected too much. Then the truth of the matter was unveiled in a shocking reveal similar to an episode of Jerry Springer. I don't think about do-overs because it is what it is and you can't change history, but I lost a good friend and I miss the camaraderie. I would rather have had that friendship than all the drama and chaos of being the other woman of the other woman. He could have kept his drama at home and we could have just been friends. Just a random thought because I think the relationship woes and actuality brought me down, too.  But, that is water under the bridge.

Holy smokes! My ex must have read the other post because he just put money in my account for Bug's ring and some for her lunches! I got a text message from him right now. Checking bank account...

Yes, random things happen when I write posts.

Anyway, I stopped suddenly a couple days ago while looking in the mirror. I HAVE AGED. Drat and what in the hell in Tarnation?!?! Why didn't God tell me I was old?

Yeah.

Look for yourself...

Ok. No laughing. Stop it. Yes, I have no makeup. Yes, I am old. Poop. Shit.
It is a huge difference. Now, brace yourself because I am hoping to turn back time with clean living and more exercise. Maybe I will shave a wrinkle or two off and drop a chin.

Maybe pooping 50 shades of green will help.

Wait. I'm getting interrupted again.

Frankie just shared a story with the office. His smallest child got in trouble at school and he was called. Apparently, his little girl was being picked on by a boy and she handled it. The school didn't really like how she handled it. Thus, she got in trouble. Apparently, the boy was a bully and continued to a point until she wrote him a note:

"Stop being a little bitch." 

Yep. Luck would have it that other kids grabbed the note and read it, laughed and it sparked a plethora of the other little kids writing notes to bullies to stop being little bitches. 

That's some funny shit right there. 

Happy Friday!


Thursday, March 5, 2015

Humbe Pie Makes Me Cry

A grateful heart is a sign of humility. I am ever so humbled by human kindness during the least expected times. Blessings bestowed upon me by you often come in different ways during unexpected crises or moments. 

There are these instances in my life where words escape me. I know this is hard for most to believe, but it is true. Yes. Stop laughing. Cool your snorts, too.

If you remember a while back I wrote a post where I was venting about the lack of fatherhood Bug receives and a purity ring she desired to have to show her faith in God and her support of abstinence. As a parent, this was such a significance to me. I was "wowed" by my daughter's maturity and values. I was not "wowed" by THE father because it was no surprise, just another disappointment.

Shortly thereafter, I received some very generous gestures from my blog buddies through Paypal donations. It made me cry. I didn't intend for the post to generate support for Bug's purity ring, but as a means for me to just express my frustration. I cannot be gracious enough to all of you for the moral support and your gifts. For your great hearts and generousness, I thank you, not only for this moment, but others where you have graced me with blessings in many different ways and during my cracks in the sidewalk of life. It will forever be firmly planted in my heart.

Aunt Superwoman and my mom picked up the remainder after your donations and mine.

Yes, it sucks to be poor. I have been at both ends of the stick. Perhaps God is making me realize something during the poor times I didn't see when I had no worries of money. I feel it has been a very good lesson and I hope it stays with me throughout life. I also like to pay it forward when I can and if not through a donation, through community service, or just being there for someone.

I'm ready to win the lottery now. Snork, snork. (My humor escapes me today)

Tah dah! Here it is!


So anyway...I was able to order one of the purity rings on the wish list. Although Bug's father said he would donate $20.00 to the cause, he has not as of yet but Bug does not know that because I put him on the card. No, she doesn't read this blog.

Am I surprised by his lack of follow through? Duh. No...I could go on and on about these issues but who cares. I just have to be the man and the woman. That is kind of creepy, but it is what it is.




When I presented Bug with her boxed ring and card with everyone's name on it, she was elated. I took "thousands" of pictures to post and keep of the moment. Tears formed in my eyes when I saw her face and reaction. It was precious. A proud moment to behold for sure! She instantly put it on and stared at it everywhere she went. She got ready for her school dance and was proud to wear it to the event. She was a most beautiful child. Her words were worth more to me than anything:

"Mom, why would people do this for me?"

"Because you are a wonderful kid and you are proclaiming something which should be celebrated."

"Wow, you know some really special people."

"Yes, I do. It is amazing how kind people are in the world."

"It is so beautiful and I will wear it always. (giggle, giggle) It says, LOVE WAITS, and I want everyone to know how I feel about myself, my pride, and my faith in God. (giggle, giggle). Gosh, mom, I am so lucky! I get to show the world I am not a slut and girls should have values."

Yep. I am not sure what to say about the last part, but it is teenager speak.

I really just basked in her sunshine.

[side note...you will be getting thank you cards from her...so hopefully you will share your mailing addresses in an email to me or get a throw down PO box for the occasion? :D ]




Bless you all from the bottom of my heart!



I took several pics so I could do a time lapse capture of it and show off her joy.

Yeah.

I forgot to put a memory card in the camera.

Duh.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Being Obama: Executive Orders from the Country of Fargo

You are in control. Of everything you can control. You are not in control of things you can't control. Yep. Not very profound today, am I?

Sometimes it takes an act of getting back in the game to feel the game. I know it may not make sense, but let me clarify. Jujitsu. Even though my Bug continually tries to get one up on her mother and go "full on ninja" as we say...I am loving the class. We went hit for hit paired up with different partners and the instructors told me I was a sadistic bitch. Yep. That pretty much sums it up. I love to fight.

Photo credit: likes.com


Hit me more, but be ready for paybacks. My new partner and I got to laughing so hard with one of the instructors that we couldn't even work on techniques. It was a Fargo timeout. We talked about police work and I was invited to come observe and participate in the competitive classes.

We will have to see.

It sounds like jolly good fun. However, I have that neck issue. I really don't like being defined by an injury because I have been very grateful for a mostly healthy life. I expressed myself whichever way I wanted to and this put a nix on my boxing class and sparring. I'm pretty sure unless they let you do it in traction.

My hot doc is not so sure about even a little sparring..like the half way stuff, not full on sparring... and not too keen on my enthusiasm. I told him I would drop the boxing idea if he would up the jujitsu. I don't think you can bargain with doctors. He was not amused. Funny guy.

Maybe I can pull an executive order like Obama:

Photo credit: Gary McCoy
Well, I could because I am the boss of myself. Isn't it funny how people influence our thoughts, like doctors? LOL.


In the wake of world news and lack of action toward ISIS, I found some good cartoon funnies of the political arena. If you don't follow me on Faceplant, I thought I would pin them here so you could get a chuckle if you like them and if you don't you can have a snarl or a frownie face:
Photo credit: Pinterest

Better yet, if you remember my post about the strap on for guns (yes penis like), you will find a video on The Boogie Man featuring German cops making fun of the device most humorous. It's on Instagram from Rob Pincus, so you will have to watch it on Facebook. It's precious. Watch for the dolls in the background. It was brought to my attention compliments of GunDiva. Really worth the look see. I peed my pants. 

Does it feel like the Ferguson and Garner issue are on the back burner now with Hillary and ISIS taking up front line news? It's not so. Those issues still continue to brew. Silence makes me worry more and not less. It's like a puppy or a teenager. Quiet is bad. 

In other non-related news, I was chatting with a much older friend and I have to laugh about what we discussed about dating in later life (NO NOT ME-HER). Here's what we giggled about:

Things people share to get to know each other at our age or older:

1) How many meds are you on? What kind? What for?
2) Do your parts still work?
3) Send me your medical history and financials.
4) Is this picture of you from 1989 or yesterday?
5) Tell me about your family life and household drama.
6) Do you wear pants with zippers or elastic?
7) Can you still drive?
8) Do you have hair?

Photo credit: Pinterest

I told her I would have to add a couple more things in my questionnaires like: 

1) How many guns do you have?
2) Do you like to fish and hunt?
3) Do you have dogs or cats? If a man has cats, I have to worry. Barn cats? Crazy cat man? No, just kidding. How many? Too many can be a depression or hoarding issue.
4) Do you like to travel?
5) Are you Republican or Democrat?

Photo credit: Pinterest


In all seriousness, dating is scary and I feel like my life right now with my kiddo and my dogs is the place for me until later. If God hits me on the head with a prize, then so be it. Otherwise, I am just here. 

I will admit I have had fat days and skinny days. Right now, I am not happy with my health and I am working whole hog on it. The best thing is the neck feeling better and now I have a new energy about life. It really drug me down. Funny how that works. The mind is a powerful thing. I started marathon training again. Last night I had a setback and had to take a Flexeril for the first time in many days but this morning I feel great and all the tension is gone. 

Yes, it is like that.  I feel like a geriatric patient. On another note, on the blindness thing, we are still testing and testing and testing. It is not diabetes. One disease ruled out...a bazillion to go. 

Just remember...if you are single no one cares about what you look like or what you do. You can go to the range. You can go full hog on a bucket of ice cream. You can race in running events without working around someone's schedule. You make your own schedule or not, it's all up to you. PJ's are acceptable on weekends. You can go to the range. Dogs are good for snuggling. Batteries are cheap enough. You can go to the range any time you want without permission. You can shoot up all the ammo which is about to be banned or hoard it so you can sell it at a high price. It's like being Obama. Or something.