Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Gym Thoughts

Here are some thoughts running through my head while I was at the gym...

How do you heal a nation of us versus them with the cops when every police contact becomes a potential tinder box? You need to create community partnerships and "interface" the cops with the public through other means rather than just beat walks and daily "chattin' them ups."

Fargo predictions...

The Future Evolution of Law Enforcement

Leadership development will take precedence as police administrators reinvent their departments with those who will implement forward thinking and positive growth. Leaders may not fast track in the traditional chain of command advancement, but from any level for the betterment of the organization based upon department needs and leadership characteristics of selected persons. Additionally, leaders will be expected to contribute in progressive needs and positive change at all levels of law enforcement from patrol officer to chief, regardless of rank.

Police standards will increase in response to the public outcries for excellence. Officer development tracks will be revised to raise the expectations and merit of the profession. Departments will focus efforts on quality rather than just quantity; addressing career path development, enhanced training, and certifiable skillsets. Reorganizing internal procedures such as officer evaluations will have to reflect qualitative information along with quantitative data and productivity. Emotional intelligence, business acumen, and competencies will become forefront in hiring processes, evaluation, and retention. Training deficiencies and acknowledging standard shortfalls will have immediate responses from management followed by more stringent retention policies.

Community policing is not a new concept but one which will become redefined. Officers will expand communications with citizens to engage in partnerships, projects, events, youth activities, and charities. Public input will be key in centralizing efforts to improve neighborhood problems and address community concerns. Some of the partnerships and projects will use best practices to combat crime as a village, focusing first in target areas. Activities and events will be designed not only to be educational but also mesh police with community members, humanizing the badge. Not only will this allow community buy-in to law enforcement goals, but as relationships are built, it will reestablish rapport with citizens and create law enforcement trust.

Police organizations will have to integrate new technological and equipment upgrades which in turn will have administrators reaching out to city government for budget increases to affect these changes. Technological advances will aid in record keeping, evidentiary value, and officer/citizen accountability.

With all that said, most all of law enforcement has welcomed positive changes but has been constrained by financial limitations.

I have no idea why I think of these things while running. My brain does not stop, I guess.


Did we not learn anything from Ferguson?

I am pretty sure the police know how to react to protesters and violent thugs. I am assuming they were given other directives to do nothing in Baltimore. And that they did or so it appeared. And for what price? Several officers were injured. Businesses and vehicles were burned. Places looted. Homes and neighborhoods lost to thugs.
Gif credit: Pinterest
These are not peaceful protesters you are protecting, but thugs who use a moment for opportunity.

Shame on them.

Perhaps the city administrators had lost their way and laid down in the middle of the battle of what is right, letting the wrong have its way. Were they waving a white flag?

Are we that afraid to have order that we allow disorder?

Way to throw in the towel instead of using it wipe your brow and go back in and fight the good fight, politicians...you pussies. How is all this anarchy and passive leadership going to make better changes? Do we join them? Is a chick supposed to go out there and throw around some gang signs?

Courtesy Pinterest

Gangs made open threats to law enforcement. Open season? NO. Government powers need to put a kabosh on that and pronto.

It doesn't mean you have to declare martial law, but get a grip on the thugs. Even citizens are standing up for what is right. They are lining up to stand in front of cops, businesses, and the weak. Bravo, brave citizens! You are what makes me proud of my country. Govm't, I am appalled at your behavior and way of doing things. Be leaders! Take charge of your country for God's sake. I'm sure The Man is frowning down on some of this nonsense.

Is it only me who sees all this as WTF and throws up my hands?

And the media fuels racism and hate in these instances. Call it news reporting if you will, but their spin creates a mindset skewing what is actually news and which direction they steer people. It angers me so. Just report the fucking news. And while you are at it, do something good for humanity.

All news is sensational or spun one direction or another these days. ALL. I can say that will confidence. Prove me wrong. Does it make it UNtrue? Not necessarily. Just spun...tweaked...stretched. In a court of law...a stretch makes it false.

Is a grip only for good mastubation nowadays? I wonder.

Courtesy Pinterest

Leaders, get the grip off those pencils and grab onto something sturdy. Or bigger.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Take Me To Your Leader

Last night at the running track, I had an epiphany. Around and around I went, and everywhere I looked, I was looking for exits and hiding places and what ifing the scenario of active shooter(s) taking over the gym. Seriously. It was an obsession.

Let me explain...

I was even thinking, "If I shimmy down that pole onto the basketball hoop, I could then hang off it and jump on the gym floor and roll and run. BUT...I can't just jump off the suspended track below in haste because I would probably break both my legs. Now can I go up? Yes. If I get on the stair climber and go through the roof and over, I could drop down to get out without being detected. Hopefully. If they started shooting upwards, I would have to crawl really fast. Now...if they shot up from below (the basketball courts), I would have to go to the far wall and crawl, hoping the rapid fire would ricochet off the iron railing, but not a guarantee. I could leap frog pillars and drop down to the suspended nets on the gym and then hope for the best by swinging from the railing. Now the one side of the gym is a cement wall so if they come in from the south, I would have time to flee down the stairs if they didn't block that exit. Otherwise, at this end, it is a tunnel of death. I must run faster in this area just in case. I might be able to make myself tiny and small behind the stationary bikes, then run to that big pillar. "

Like I was some sort of fucking ninja.

Yeah. Aliens.

Maybe it is a sickness. PTSD from being a cop and watching cop shows. Or something.

No, it was aliens. Those bastards. Messing with my head. 

Monday, April 27, 2015

Life Boosts

Life can be legendary. According to Nike's new slogan..BE LEGENDARY...we will if we wear and use their brand. Right? All I have to do is wear a t-shirt and maybe some socks on a cheapskate budget and I'm in like Superman. Right? Hmm.

Not so much.

It's a gimmick.

So what does it take to be legendary? I plagued some students with this question. Answers:

1) You have to do something famous in either a good or bad way.
2) You have to have a successful life and go down in history.
3) I am a legend in my own mind.
4) Who gives a shit?

I kind of like answers 3 and 4. Those would be my average students. Answers 1 and 2 come from my overachievers. Is there reality distorted? I don't know. Are they right or are they wrong? I think they might all be right.

But who gives a shit, right?

Most of us coast through life satisfied with whatever path we take or not and after some discomfort, we try to redirect ourselves. Most often. Sometimes the wagon gets stuck in the ruts, but eventually, there is a reprieve in the road.

I would have to reflect on some good advice I have received over the years which somehow escapes me at opportune moments in life. These are the moments where I should have banged my head afterward...and perhaps these voices of reason would have surfaced.

Here are some LIFE BOOSTS (that is my coin phrase, bitches) for you to absorb and pass on...

1) Nothing good every happens after 2 AM-words from the dad.
2)If you can't say anything nice, say nothing-words from Grandma Yost.
3)Things happen for a reason-words from many friends while drinking and pondering why I had such a shitty time of things. Warning: this was multiple times, multiple friends, and multiple glasses of wine. Not that this would not be spewed sober, but drinking became a toast to the terrible. I had to change to water for fear of becoming an alcoholic. And really-what fucking reason? Huh? Give it to me.
4)Some people have expiration dates-Lana Banana and The Bitch Goddess.
5)Don't postpone joy-Rainn Wilson.
6)Wait for it...my brother while pushing a fart.
7) Don't knock it until you try it...from the mom while snarling at yet another casserole she tried to get me to eat.
8)All guns are loaded...words from the dad, firearms instructors, your inner cop.
9)Don't be a cheapskate...when you give...and...nothing is worse than a cheap man. Lana Banana
10)Sharp tongues get the ax...Grandma Yost and adopted by me. This one needs some explaining. I could sometimes had a sharp tongue when I was a cop and most often used it according to the place and time I was presented with the need. Sharp tongues are hateful when it comes to children, friends, family, and loved ones. Prepare to die. Well, Ok.. not really. You might, however,  burn a bridge or get deleted.
11) Never stop dreaming or setting goals. Ever...words from the dad, my high school teachers, my inner child.
12)You must make the choice and take the chance for anything to change...Honors Program college professor. I couldn't stand him, btw. Ask Amanda. He impacted my life mostly negatively, but pushed me beyond my limits. For that, sir, I thank you.
13)If your moves don't win your freedom, fight through with other moves and counter moves. Keep fighting..Jujitsu instructor.
14) Stop being a pussy...Kirk Buchholz, CrossFit instructor and cop colleague.
15)Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory...Dr. Suess.
16) Do these things with your whole heart-love, shine, soar and never regret it...my inner romantic self.
17)The only person who can beat you is yourself...well, and Chuck Norris..Jujitsu instructor.
18)People cross our paths for a reason..sometimes we don't understand until later....Lutheran minister.
19)Difficult roads and failures line our highways to success...English teacher.
20) And drum roll....FUCK ME IN THE ASS! Fargo

Do you have any life boosts to share?

Friday, April 24, 2015

Fargo Filosophy

Strange things happen in college. I think viewing the world in college glasses is very telling of the delusion we put our kids through about reality. Goals, dreams, and visions are very important and I don't think they should be stifled no matter how big or small we think they are. But I see a trend of alarming traits in our yoots-which I am told-is not generational, but age specific. I beg to differ on some of that. Anyone who differs from my opinion...I just give them a little Fargo...OK. Maybe only in my mind...

So here is my philosophical take on my bubble called college..

Black and White-Kids want black and white, instructions in stone, and unwavering rules. When did gray become a shade we don't think or work in?  Remembering back ( I know...it's so far...how could I possibly?) to the years of grade school, I believe black and white was the way of the times and still is at that level. However, junior and high school introduced critical thinking and visionary thoughts with encouraging yoots to...GASP...question everything. Right? Am I missing the boat? When I got to college, nothing was given to me, I had to apply myself and think outside the box, fend for myself. So, my conclusion is this is a generational issue, not an age factor. Right? No? Maybe?

Coping Skills-kids got none. Period. I have no idea what happened here except that mommy and daddy cloaked Little Johnny with a force field and didn't let him get dirty. Generational? Yes. No? Maybe? I never had these problems.

Yesterday, a needy child was in my office giving the softest and longest whine of the century. I wanted to so Fargo flick her on the forehead and send her tail rolling out the door. Gah. It was the most unattractive and annoying sound EVAH. Beat me. What was it over? Papers. Like the paper documents that require name, addresss, phone number and fill in the blanks. She couldn't do it. Is this unusual? Was it a rare kid problem? Individual? NO. It is not. It happens continually on a daily basis. EVERY. single. FLIPPING. day.

No Skill or Complete Thought Processes-If it ain't computer, it ain't happening. They can't write or type a complete sentence. It's all in text language or fractured senctences or pictures with one word statements. They think in blips. I'm not even exaggerating. 6 second blips or you have lost them. 

Entitlement-They deserve the sun, moon, and stars, bitches! And if you don't give it to them, they sick mommy and daddy on you. Whoo. Shiver me timbers. I'm terrified. I ate your mommy and daddy for lunch on the street, little girl! Yes, I'm the big bad wolf. Behind me...at my desk...is a large wooden sign painted with these words..CALL YOUR MOTHER.

This! Yeah. It's behind me. I point. They shat up.

No Sense Of Value of Money-It grows on trees! NO worries...we can just borrow it now and pay back hundreds of thousands later after we get that job right out of college working for Oprah. Get a job! No. That requires work. Apply for scholarships! No. I forgot. The deadline came too soon. Oh, hell no. That scholarship requires an essay! GAH! They want a letter of recommendation and my transcript? An application? In writing? It's not online?

Yeah. My head hurts already. 

You mean my card is empty...it's declined? No way! Just swipe it. There's something on there. You must have demagnetized it. Drat.

Yes, I created that myself. Isn't it the cutest bear butt?

Coddling-Is it even a word? It sounds so slimy and creepy. It must involve some sort of act by...like a serial killer or child molester. Yeah. Not happening at this desk. Take a number. Move on. Barney died years ago.

Ok. Barney is kind of cute...I like purple...

I could go on...but I'm told it's their age, not generational. Hmm. What do you think?

Thursday, April 23, 2015

It's Random Thursday

In the wake of the crisis in Pakistan and the accidental killing of hostages, I actually thought the President's speech and the fact he openly stated he took full responsibility was what he needed to say. For once. It was Boomshakala boom. Right words. No fluff. Direct and concise. I did a double take.

I know. Miracle, right?

Now...him stealing my "fog of war" coin phrase..yeah. Plagerism. Not really. But it sounded good. I actually Googled it's origin...Here is what our friend and all-knowing, all-right and correct dictionary says...Wiki..The word "fog" in reference to uncertainty in war was introduced by the Prussian military analyst Carl von Clausewitz in his posthumously published book, Vom Kriege (1832), which appeared in English translation in 1873 under the title On War. Boom. There you go. 

Do I think it is a tragedy? Yes.

Is it the cost of war and terrorism that innocent lives are lost? Sometimes.

Do we need to hammer the US government over this? No. They came forth. But the hammer will come, I am sure, just like beating a dead horse.

Will they blame it on bad intelligence? Already done.

Hillary is still in the news. Seems like Monica gave some words of wisdom for the Democratic candidate..

I have no idea.

I also make a point never to wear blue dresses. Ever.

I'm just hanging out casual, waiting for the fallout to see who is left standing and who makes it through the nominations. My friend said she likes Hillary and we need someone with balls. "Well, then, she's your man," I said. Maybe she is just an ugly woman. It was not received with favor. No one likes my humor.

Michael Brown's parents are suing the city of  Ferguson. Like we weren't expecting that. It will be interesting to see what happens with this. Who would want to replace the leaders there? Not me. I wouldn't even want to be the interim chief. Apparently, Chief Jackson received a $96,000 severance along with health insurance for a year.

Michigan Police Chief Vicki Yost steps down. I wonder if she is related to me. Never heard of her.
It's random news, what can I say?

I might get to the range after this cold spell. I am being pessimistic because every chance I get to go, the weather turns to pouring rain. I have much need to shoot some ammo. Frost on the pumpkins today. Brr. Real frost. And another race on Saturday? 30-some degrees? Brr. Yikes. Winter running pants...check, check!

From my serious side: Search Warrants.

Let me know what you think. Any feedback on some law enforcement topics you would like to see? If you want to get the latest updates on some great educational works, please like the Facebook page.

And if anyone cares...I have recovered from eating off the grid. No details.

Schedule back on.

Running, Trotting, Explosive Leaps and Pounds

No one really has to throw me tests or test me in life for any such reason. I do it to myself. God doesn't even have to toss me any challenges but I'm sure He does it for amusement.

Yesterday...I decided to go to breakfast with my friend instead of eating my homemade stuff. The cafeteria is cheap and the Chef makes up a great feast. Breakfast is no more than $2.00. It's all homemade, but not with the stuff I can consume except for the bacon and eggs. I opted for homemade jumbo biscuits and gravy.

I opted to spend the next hour sitting on the pot and evacuating all college students from the 1st floor restroom. When that was too mighty for me to stand, I then bombed the basement level restroom.

Noon came around.

The boss took us out to lunch. I could have chosen a salad with grilled chicken and balsamic vinaigrette. I opted to join my colleagues with juicy burgers by selecting a blackened chicken sandwich and homemade malt vinegar potato chips.

It was delicious even though I took off the bun because it had too much butter on it.

One hour later...while running and sliding into home base (a stall) in the 1st floor restroom, I evacuated the place again. 30 minutes later I consumed the 2nd floor restroom with fog. 30 minutes later it became necessary to use the basement facility.

I went to the gym.

Two trots to the bathroom followed by runs and not on the running track if you know what I mean. The lights flickered. I continued to do my bitness, although the sound and consistency of the shart stream was affected by the power outage.

I used the whole roll.


Yeah. Did not happen.

Two minutes to blast off and a few feet from entering the door and I left to fog up the lower bathroom then go home.

Once I got home, I went to bed.

Epic failure.

I guess that taught me.

I don't think descriptive details are necessary, but everything was a strange yellow color. I wish it was more of this kind of crap...

You can file this post in those things you needed to know. Or not. I like to share. You're welcome!

Monday, April 20, 2015

The White Jacket is the New Black

Sick Bug. Poop. Shit. It sucks. I worry about her. Puked on the bus today. Wheels on the bus go round and round. Eeek. Sorry, kids. Hopefully there were no chain pukers on there.

She is so pitiful when she is sick. It hurts my heart. So...I have been pampering her and I skipped my workouts and jujitsu to be with her right after she got home.

The fuzzy bears are helping as they always do by being mindful of her puny self and snuggling beside her. Up and down, up and down. I think we all as a herd of elephants caring for Bug went up and down the stairs about 2 bazillion times.

Got my B12 crack attack about 8:40 PM. 109 squats, dishes, three loads of laundry, caring for the Bug, feeding and caring for dogs, garbage, art project, and personal hygiene. I'm still going. I was really tired up until then. I need some good sleep.


I must check in on the Bug, so I will be up all night.

Dancing with the Stars was on before The Following -which I am disappointed in-first season was great, now we are getting a little cray cray-but it's Kevin Bacon. You know, he still has his swagger from Footloose. I think it is just the way he walks. He is a most hawt man and I want to see him in Dubois with his band some time one August. It's on the Bucket List. It's a long list, so I better not die anytime in the oh...let's say...200 years or so.

Anyballroom, DWTS is fun. Bug and I like to watch it sometimes. I must say that Rumer Willis is absolutely stunning. Where did that time go? She is a beautiful combo between her mom and dad. Amazingly striking. I didn't watch the entire show but the few I did watch, they were all getting bad scores.

Soze...it's just me and the red rugs...or is that Murph? I love sleeping babies. I just want to pet them. Not like last night when I was petting Bug's slipper with my foot but I thought it was Murph. Yeah. Disturbing. Three men were outside my front door later with a nice white jacket for me and a van. At first I thought a serial killer had arrived, but it was Vern and Benny from that farm I like. They're so crazy. To think they wanted me to wear that jacket on backwards. It reminded me of Michael Jackson's red jacket he used to wear in the 80s. Only instead of zippers, they had these cool straps with silver buckles.
Oh, Michael. You so silly. Maybe you were on to something there...fashion statement or life premonition?
Speaking about crazy...how about that Hillary? While Walmart is retaliating against their employees, I couldn't help but think we should inquire if she is running the Evil Empire because retaliating against her peeps is something right up her alley. Oh, wait. They just die. Or something.
How about that new book coming out on her and Bill's Financegate? Won't that be interesting. Not sure it will do what it intends because Unlimited Access did nothing to dent their political stance. It only told us cops what we already knew from behind the scenes. Like...how she hates cops and talks down to them and she is just mean. I am impressed I could probably challenge her to a match of how many f bombs one could use in a sentence. No one believes me when I say she is mean. From experience.
And how about those secret Secret Service disclosures I got back in the day when I didn't even have to sleep with any of them to get the scoop? And they NEVER talk about our LEADER ever, but they did them. And vowed to still take a bullet for them because they have sworn to it and their duty means more than anything. I'd like to be dedicated like that, but I question my integrity on that matter.
For instance...if I had to save a baby from a moving bus or Hillary...well...I'm sorry, but babies are cute and everyone loves a hero who saves a baby. At least Hillary would go out a legend of some sorts and perhaps then the truth would be revealed. Why is it that the truth of the matters does not get disclosed until someone dies or decades go by when documents get declassified? Gee whiz, does the government really believe we are all that gullible? Those aren't real questions, silly. They are more like statements with that funny whoopsa daisy symbol at the end. I remember that from first grade...whoopsa daisy symbol. Strange right. B12. It brings clarity. Or something.
Where did I lay that pretty white jacket?
The problem is they don't care if they have the people's trust so long as they don't have to admit or reveal anything, it didn't happen. True that for most politicians of any sorts.
I had a workshop today which was most excellent and the presenter was talking sidebar with us and somehow we got on the topic of our country, leaders, and business management. She said what we all were thinking...that our country better get on it and get a clue before we tumble and the rest of the world flies right past us. Do you think they will pick us up on the fly by? Uh. No. Everyone kicks a superhero when their down. Duh. You can be Batman and save the world, but if the world grows and Batman still drives a 1955 T bird Batmobile...you can bet he becomes the Joker.

Now that some art! Photo credit: Pinterest

For the first time, I felt I was in the wrong world today. I wore a beautiful amethyst cross necklace which was worn with pride during the Bush homicide, seeing how he had been a self-proclaimed atheist, I felt I should have Jesus out there like a neon sign. Do you know how many people complimented me on my necklace? One lady next to me at workshop, my eye doctor, my doctor's receptionist. That's it. I mean this thing is stunning. Want to know how many people made fun of me or pointed or said some derogatory comment about praying? Yeah. I was stunned.
If you walk around Wyoming with a cross around your neck and a cross on your purse, you are considered part of the scenery and people flock to find out where you got your stuff and compare it with their stuff and their shirt with a cross on it and that Texas star bracelet and those bling bling jeans with angel wing pockets. Cowgirls wear that stuff all the time. Plus my purse has a cowhide cross so that makes it cooler.
Here...I'm a toad in a frog pond.
I guess I look at my fashion sense as a common thing.
Even thugs wore crosses or had them as tattoos.
We had conversations at work about how anti-Christian the academia world has become and we must neutral down and not be throwing Jesus up all in there and in front of every one. Since when did wearing a cross necklace become politically incorrect or questioned? I see my Jewish friends with the star of David. I see Catholics with their rosaries. I see Muslims in prayer. Some employees have Buddha on their desk. It's all crazy. Except Jesus has been exiled. I embrace the differences and don't criticize anyone for standing to their religious principles, whatever they are. Sometimes I ask questions because I am curious and I like to know about different religions in a learning sense.
Now...if you are on the extreme end like the KKK or ISIS, then...well...I might introduce you to Vern and Benny. And I would be a little judgy. There are exceptions to my nobility, you know.
Ok. It's time to go to bed now. I feel the crack attack adrenaline dump.
This post was brought to you by B12, the letter C, and the color white. 


Sunday, April 19, 2015

Aged Out


After returning to my normal routine of home activities, I find it refreshing. My race on Saturday proved my progress is going according to plan as I shaved off 4 minutes and 32 seconds from my time. This may not be a big deal to many, but to me, it is a monumental achievement. It was 80s and humid. I was concentrating so  much on my pace, I missed all the water stations. I did suffer some heat exhaustion but recovered by nightfall.

Jack Sprat killed the cat! In the midst of all this heat, I killed the George Jones dead. My lawn looks like a botched Brazilian. I have to approach Sheriff Mike about fixing my macheen but he is off to having eye surgery and it looks like I might bale hay by dawn. Not sure about solutions. Perhaps some garage saling might be in order this weekend.

I mean, really. Lord Farquaad complains about my circles. Can you imagine what he will say when he sees my back yard? He might go and mow it himself like he does my side yard. He is an OK dude but an ornery cuss.

Finally, I feel things are in order again and my response to my new lifestyle is positive. Not only do I have energy to accomplish the simplest tasks, but I can see my personal goals on the horizon this time. That's no joke. It used to take all I had to vacuum or fold clothes. It was the fact I can't live in total squalor that kept those things in order. No longer is there a gloomy forecast or pessimistic reactions when my mind thinks one way and my body goes another.

I find it odd I was not in tune with the steady decline and reality escaped me. Who was I fooling? And why? Was it monetary based? Was it denial? Was it being stuck in a rut and not knowing how to get the wagon out? I'm not sure. Your body is your castle. Don't be a dumbass like me. Get it fixed. Make it work properly. Stop being a stupid head.

The next stage of medical bills came in this weekend and instead of crying myself to sleep over them, I put them on the table and said, "Yep. Gotta make payments again and again and again." I laugh because my income has been reduced by 100 dollars a month from increasing taxes and benefit contributions on insurance which pays out less. WTF, govn't?   It's all good. Drink your Mimosas on the White House lawn. This time being middle poor...it will not defeat me. Well, what can they squeeze out of me? Nothing. They can make my life miserable by calling me every day but in the long run I can only pay what I can pay per month and that is the way it is. I'm pretty sure Paul Harvey said that.

Now I only feel travel restricted and long to return home to see the land I love and the people there who make me feel near family. BUT---I will get there. I just can't move around like I used to because of funds and vacation time.

Maybe it's time for a transition to another job. I am a little leery right now because I am now in the "unemployable" age. NO one wants an old lady with a bachelor's degree and experience. I never thought I would see the day that bachelor's degrees have become obsolete. Why do we do this to our kids? Why then don't they have a new employable educational system which does not bankrupt everyone. Academia are snobs. They do not value brains, the person before them, nor experience. It is only your title which matters.

I have become more and more accustomed to Indiana and not so tied up in my demise and choices of regret or states of confusion. Maybe it's the B12. Maybe I'm growing up or growing old. Egads! Run for your life, Batman!

I did start a craze at work. There are now 5 people on B12 or B12 complex. I am not sure how they are fairing and none of them are taking the B12 shots which are supposed to be a significant difference. I guess I might know the success if they start running around like crackheads.

Oh...and for those who spy? I am a good parent. I have wonderful friends here who help me when I need it and love my Bug like their own. They also take care of her and have "aunt" days and her friends (I've done NCIC checks on the whole family btw) have sleepovers and go to events as well.  I have a wonderful daughter which shows because of my family structure, values, and influence...despite my struggle with her teenage years. She does retain the slob habits of her father, but for the most part she is a bright star like me. So...piss off. If he has a problem or question with my parenting, he can surely call me. But if you feel you must go run tattle about my daily doings, then go forth. Last I knew, he could read and has access to this blog if he wished to view it. I could care less what he does on a daily basis. Oh, yes...Bug was at my race cheering me on and monitored by friends because (gasp) a 14 year old can't be on the sidelines of an event by herself secured by police officers and university staff. (gah). The next race we are doing together.

I love my Bug. I love my dogs. Family is most awesome. And my guns. Guns are awesome. I have many.

Now...to get to the range...

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Password Required for Asses and Masses

Returning from Milwaukee...let me just say...I had a BLAST! What a fun place. Of course, their motto is: "Milwaukee is full of history, come drink it in."You can imagine it is lush with bars and such and beer selections and drinks and things related to drinks like brats and steaks and great food and great drinks and music and drinks. I found it so much fun.

Loved the Milwaukee Public Market...

Milwaukee Public Market
I would live there on weekends for fresh food shopping. It's a high class fresh food market with little restaurants and every kind of food, spices, kitchen gadgets, coffee galore, and et cetera.

Anybrew, I would go there again.

I found The County Clare to be most Irish awesome...

The County Clare Irish Inn and Pub

and The SafeHouse...well, it was da bomb diggety. EVERYONE must experience this place...or be square...

The SafeHouse in Milwaukee: http://www.safe-house.com/

Seriously. Very.Cool. I wanted to apply for a job there. You have to know the password to get in. I knew it...and then forgot and had to do a hula dance to get in. Of course, the whole bar watched on camera my moves.

So...much to do and explore, but I had limited time after sessions and workshops. I did get a kick out of the panhandlers stopping us every so often. I do believe NONE of them had teeth or at least they didn't have them in and all were trying to get somewhere ELSE. Like. Chicago. Whatever. Humor me. It was like I was at work only I could only imagine the NCIC hits on them and the fact that they looked dirty but did not stink. They must have put on their "work" clothes to get money for cigs and brews. Maybe they were homeless imposters.

Rolling along to the previous post and days events...the next night...

My boss did mention the next day he felt the comments about Republicans were quite bold upon a first meeting of a person. "I was thinking...OOOOOoo....Kathryn's blood is boiling. I was waiting for you to unleash, but you were very nice about it." It was funny. He knows my nice is snarky nice. 

The rest of the conference was uneventful with brain overload. 

Chicago speed limit signs: guidelines. It was fun to drive fast once again. 

Meanwhile back home. I missed it. I missed Bug. I missed the puppies. 

Again, I have failed to get to the range due to rain. WTF, Mother Nature. 

And no surprises here...I have been drilled at work and online and in person and on the phone and everywhere about the police shootings...OK and SC.  First of all, let me say...the MEDIA sucks ballz. I am so upset at that pregnant female (yes, I know females can be pregnant, males cannot) CNN anchor in the morning. The one who is a brunette with long hair. Can't remember her name, but she is OUT OF CONTROL. Some of the questions she posed to viewers..

OK case:

1. Did he actually shoot the man INTENTIONALLY? WTF...seriously. Lady. The old guy made a grave mistake. Intentional. You bring that up on the first few minutes of the breaking story? This is what is wrong with American media...they skew things and get the masses riled up before any facts are out. Now...is this case a disaster? Yes. I sure would hate to be that police chief, let alone the volunteer officer. I could go on like...age issue, training issue, buying the badge, and WTF is a volunteer doing on an undercover gun trafficking operation. Fuck me in the ass. Ok. I will end there. It is a tragedy all the way around. AND...continuing on CNN's bullshit making the suspect a saint of a victim. Seriously? The dude's jacket is longer than the skids in Hillary's underwear. Not that I would know...but I can just imagine. Anyterriblereporting...I love the questions to the family...soft spoken...tilt the head.."I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure you remember him as a wonderful brother and family man." DUDE. The dude was a felon and still committing some serious crime. But...oh...he was a good man. Fuck me in the ass. Can we not just be straight up? Yes, there is a manslaughter charge and rightfully so...we'll see what a good lawyer buys as far as a verdict. Shameful, but money does buy freedom. Police department sanctions...oh boy. Watch as some leaders resign or get terminated. I am just glad I am no where near that fiasco. Harry Houck was a guest on CNN during the first days of this story breaking and I liked his answers and statements to the Brunette Dingbat anchor. He was straight up. 

2. SC dude. Just wow. I don't have all the facts and the ones unfolding are bizarro. WTF was he thinking? I don't know. Mental disaster. Anyhow...the news...again...full of idiot reporters who have no inkling of law enforcement procedures. When the officer video/audio of Slager being given NEUTRAL crisis advice from a fellow officer who told him to write things down...and telling him the police procedures...that was basic shit. Hello. Idiots who don't know Garrity rights and warnings to officers and any thing else law enforcement related...shut the fuck up. Do some research. The media jumps out their asses to stir up the masses. That..I should coin as a rhyme. I have been yelling at the television over some really lousy national reporting on all networks. Really biased. Really lousy. Wow. It's like Charlie Brown's teacher is given a mic and told to sit pretty in front of the television and say this. Do they have to have any ethics or research done or hard questions? Fuck me in the ass. I'm not saying this officer is innocent by any means. He was charged with murder.

And now the media are experts on how people react during an adrenaline dump or dynamic crisis. I have seen people laugh, cry, stare, faint, yell, whatever. Gah. I am so over media assumptions. What happened to the truth? What happened to facts and not summations?

Now...could the reporters ask  legitimate good questions about this case and unfold FACTS instead of sensational melodrama? It's all I'm asking. It's a simple question. 

Fuck me in the ass. 

Tuesday, April 14, 2015


Conferences put a damper on my personal life. Plus too much pub hopping and computer sessions give me a total brain drain. However, they are much necessary in the life of academia according to the powers that be. So Yeah.
I was sitting at a table networking against my will ( I hate people-they suck my batteries down) and low and behold a conversation about politics unfolds. A lady I just met stares right at me and said, " Well, I don't know how to put this, but well, I like Republicans...but"
Right then I knew she was a racist. And a Democrat to boot.
"...they are just well, so far cutting our budgets and they don't care about people and that's why rural people love them and city or urban dwellers see it the real way because we are affected."
Yep. That was the way it was and it continued.
"Well, but we might have a chance with Hillary. She really cares about the middle class."
"Yeah. She wants to be a Champion," I said with no sincerity.
I snorted water across the table at my new found friends.
"Sorry. It is customary to give you a shower of my friendship upon the first greeting. "
I choked on the water going up my nose. I had to excuse myself. Once I returned, the conversation was still about Gov'ner cutting and doing some insane things with education.
"Yeah. Yeah. But Hillary is going to make a difference. I think she will get elected because all the Republicans are wingnuts and crazy assed off to the right. I really think she has just waited all these years for Bill to do his thing, but she really called the shots and she wants to make our country better."
"I think she is evil. She is only self centered and geared toward the upper class. Her middle class marketing ploy is just a game. It isn't real.  She eats her young. She creates scandal every where she goes. Look at her track record. It looks like an  F 4 tornado. If you want someone who goes for the throat on the American people, she is the one. Foreign policy? Yeah. We've seen that. Or have we? We still don't get answers."
I was then looking at a bunch of Cupie Dolls full of wide eyes and silence and had to say my good byes. They won't even look at me. I'm THAT one. THAT ONE REPUBLICAN in the group.
Or so they might guess...or maybe I'm just a Hillary Hater and not included in fan club. I'm really sad I'm not going to get those newsletters. I'm surrounded. Is it possible to teach school and be the only conservative? I think so.
"I'm Hillary Clinton and I'm running for President. I want your vote."
Oh HILL no!
In non-related news...wait until tonight when I post my conversation on the cop news.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Stop Being White

Have you ever been stuck in time?

I mean, right now...I have all these plans of grandeur, but no money and no time. Then I have time but no money. Then...yeah. That's pretty much it. It stops there.

I have never before felt limited. Or looking blandly upon my future. It kind of saddens me. And yes, I do realize, this too, shall pass.

There is no assistance for grad school, so I have to really sit down in the next two months and figure that one out. I already have three jobs. I can't take away from Bug any more. I have been looking for a new, better paying job, but I am limited to this area right now. I am going to keep trying. The boss is going to ask for a raise again, but I am not getting my hopes up.

I don't think money is everything. I think it is nice to be secure, though, and being on both ends of the stick, I really miss the days where I could go buy toilet paper on any given day and not budget for it. However,  on the flip side, I can squeeze $20.00 out of a dollar.

I miss police work now more than ever and that might be due to me feeling better. There is no ambition to write any more books and frankly the last book did so poorly that it isn't worth the effort. Just to keep my mind into it, I am rewriting the first book, but I really have no idea why. LOL. Wyoming also calls my name and I can't return. So, for some reason I am supposed to be here.

The other day a man told me I was driven and too intimidating to be with any man. He said I was "intense" and "strong." He did not mean physically, I am sure. LOL. He added my "looks" will attract people and then when they find out how driven and active I am, it scares people. I just thought I was normal. I clean house, I am a mom. I have dogs. I go to work. I workout. Nothing special. Sometimes I even decide to dust.

No, I wasn't dating this person. Why? Because I don't want to and I am not interested in him. This was just two people having a conversation that he brought up by saying, "You are intense. You just set out to do what you want to accomplish."

It was an observation a man made out loud. He said he was attracted to me at first but not anymore because of how I am. I go and do and have so much ambition and energy. Wow. That was not something he needed to share. It kind of hit me right in the gut. Not his attraction part, the part where he said I drive people away. And I don't feel I am that driven or intense to scare people. Like I said, sometimes I don't dust.I can even name some of the dust bunnies in my house.

I feel like I am a slug and need to get back at it with all things. I don't really know how to process that. I am who I am. It seems to be a pattern of feedback I am receiving as of late. So do I pay attention or do I file it in the folder of weak comments?

And I have been getting bombarded by people who mock my organic lifestyle now. I expected it and that is all something easy to handle. Who cares? But-it is just another one of those things I notice and file on the shelf. Sheriff Mike is one of them as are some friends at work. I don't talk about it or brag..I just do. I am doing what I am told by my doctor. That's about it. So far, I feel fantastic. I have to refuse many things and somehow that portrays me as a weirdo.

In conference with the doctors (orthopedic and family physician), we observed how much muscle mass I lost over this time period. That part really bothered me and continues today when I see progress one way but not another. I hope it will come and I will have strong legs again. My arms are pretty shot from my rotator cuffs so they might have some strange muscle configurations, but I just want them to work and look healthy. If that makes any sense. I'm no Barbie doll.

Perhaps it is just a melancholy time of year. Maybe I should consult with the stars and see how they are aligned. Rain does not depress me, so I know it is not that. It makes things grow and allows me to take peaceful naps.

Ok. I need to get off this cantaloupe train and back into the B12 crack of my life. Onward ho!

Um. The other kind of ho. Not a garden tool either. That is spelled hoe. The non-slut kind.

Ho is used to express joy and not the joy of sex. Land ho! Or onward ho! It is joy of a destination or placeholder or an urge. Again, no sexual urges. LOL

Get your mind out of the gutter.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Being Gump

Pictures of the President show him aging well with office as they all do. Today, I posted an article on Faceplant and went "BAM! He looks old." I'm pretty sure I said that out loud. Just a few short months left of this heinous administration. I wonder what moving and shaking will be going on or if we are just going to prepare for another terrible leader. I fear that. I also fear our country is in such peril that it will slowly spiral down the drain. Maybe I should be more optimistic. Alas, I can only do so when it comes to my own personal matters because I control that. The country...hmmm...not so sure.

Stupid is as stupid does.


How about that weather?

I also noticed over the last few months how liberals are moving into using "climate change" versus "global warming." Wasn't it scientists and conservatives who stated our earth was going through "climate change"? The only difference NOW in opinion is the percentage which is contributed to human contamination or just natural occurrences. So watch for future tug and pulls on that matter.

Stupid is as stupid does.

Who doesn't like a little House? Huh?

And now in media blitzes everywhere we have a WHITE cop who murders a BLACK man. I say let justice prevail and he should be paying his just dues for committing a very serious wrong. It just isn't that simple anymore is it? It is going to reopen the wounds of racial bias all over again with law enforcement because that is how the media is already spinning the story. Maybe that cop is racist. Maybe he was in the wrong job. He made a very grave decision which was absolutely criminal according to his local jurisdiction. Dumb. Maybe he was just stupid. What will come of it?

How about little Sam Holtz, an Illinois 6th grader, who tied for first on ESPN's contest? Brilliant, I say. Oops you have to be 18. Now he seems to be miffed about the rules. “I’m irritated, Holtz told the Daily Herald. “"Yes, I'm still proud of my accomplishment, but I'm not happy with the decision."

I say..."good job, chalk it up to bravo-ness and stop spouting off to the news about the rules not in your favor." Rules are rules. And I can see why most contests require you to be a consenting adult. Duh. And ESPN is putting together a special prize for him and he is irritated? Where are the parents? Tell him to get some public manners. He can pout at home.

We interrupt this special broadcast of randomness for a yawn.

A yawn is a simple scream for coffee. I must go. get. some.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Range Day 9mm Review-Ammoman.com

I don't always have the answers to life's mysterious or weird questions. Wait. Yes, I do. It's aliens.

Perhaps it will come to you as a surprise I have not shot my duty weapon, a Glock 19C, for over two years. Oh, I've cleaned it and oiled it and and held it and carried it and loved it like a good little Glock. I have not pulled the trigger since I was a cop. Scary, right? Yeah. It scared me.  The thought.


Then, I got to thinking what kind of tribe of weirdos did I belong to?

Thanks to Ammoman.com... I blew off the dust bunnies and fired it up again.

Well, I have cleaned and oiled it since 2012, so the dust bunnies were not too bad. However, I think my firearm missed me greatly and was relieved to get out to the range. I didn't ask, but I assumed it had thoughts like that. The love is mutual.

Let's talk about the customer service I received from Ammoman.com. Email contacts were promptly sent after I agreed to review the ammunition and I gave a list of the calibers I shoot most often. I expected a box of ammo and only a single caliber. I received 4 boxes of 12 gauge, 4 boxes of 20 gauge, and 2 boxes of Speer LAWMAN Luger 9mm TMJ.

I received the ammo-the.next.day-by FedEx.
This alone was very impressive. The ammo was packaged as if it were made out of gold. 
Call me quirky, but there is just something western and cool about the name LAWMAN. These cartridges were 9 mm 115 grain. The only firearm used to review the Speer ammunition was my Glock 19C. 
Photo by Bug: Speer LAWMAN ammunition 9mm
Photo by Bug

The drive into the range. 
No, we don't canoe to the range. This is not the road to get in there...we just pass by this creek. 
It is very serial killer woodsy.

I like it.

This last weekend (Easter weekend) was not only the first nice weekend in quite a while, it was perfect for range days. Finally. Not only did I think it was a great day to review some ammunition, apparently others felt it was a great day to run dogs and shoot at the trap range so the shotgun ammo was put on the back burner until Thursday. Yes, I could have shot at paper targets, but not nearly as fun and not a true test of my bird hunting skills. We attempted to go to the shotgun area throughout the day, but it was packed all day.
Rounding the pond are near the range house and around to the handgun range. 
There are several hundred acres of "Sherwood Forest" and hills, ponds, creeks, dog training fields, plus trap ranges, long gun and hand gun ranges, tree stand areas, archery ranges and a competitive course, etc.  In fact, it is a lot like Georgia featured on The Walking Dead. The train tracks are on the outer edge, which completes the Zombie Apocalypse feel.

Introducing Sheriff Mike and Bug: target designers
I put the dog sticker up there, telling them (Mike and Bug) I could see it clearly and needed something other than a white piece of paper on top of a white background. Old age and vision decline are not helpful. 

We did not come prepared with nice targets. They were conveniently and neatly stored in my closet and once we got to the range, none of us wanted to retrieve them. This was not due to our laziness, but because it is so exciting to be at the range. Who wants to leave?

Sheriff Mike and Bug diligently worked on target placements. I was not impressed by white on white backgrounds continually being placed on the target stands. It was a good thing Bug had dug out a pen to make some dark circles...

Do you see what I was working with? It's hard to find good help. 

Bug said, "Uh. Mom, you better not shoot the dog sticker because that is just wrong in the first place and PETA would protest." Well played. I even felt guilty having the dog sticker on the target stand in the first place for color demonstration, let alone the thought of shooting a two dimensional "fake" dog. I told Bug we could pretend we were saving the dog from bad guys on the left. Again, it was hard to play pretend with a teenager. 

For testing purposes, I fired rounds from 7 yards, 10 yards, 15 yards, and 20 yards. I did not attempt 25 or 50 yards. Why? Because I was being a namby pamby. Plus, I really didn't want to embarrass myself on the internet by trying my marksmanship at long distances just yet. I do have some pride left in me. We will save that for another day. I did throw in some scenarios at angles of 45 degrees to the targets as well as shooting uphill slightly which will be shown later. In some cases I moved around while shooting. I should have marked each shot individually to hone in my skills, however, we just observed groups.

I began at 7 yards and worked my way back, finishing up with some moving and shooting. First, let me say during all tests of the 9mm LUGER Speer LAWMAN 115 grain (TMJ), I didn't feel much recoil. I had a loud report but it was easy to shoot several rounds rapid fire without feeling a jolt or shove from the recoil. This is great target ammo and I would recommend it for competitions.

It is not my preference for defensive rounds because it goes through a target and could hit someone else or maybe not stop the bad guy should you not hit (accuracy and precision change under stress and adrenaline conditions) center mass or head shots. Additionally, hollow points expand. I know that sounds brutal, but when you are stopping a bad guy, those are critical things to know. For defensive rounds, I would choose hollow points and a heavier grain. You can also find those on the site at great quality and a reasonable price.

Putting defense aside, you can't go wrong with the price of these Speer 9mm 115 grain for range practice and competitions. They are $17.00 for 50 rounds. The price is comparable to online offers from other retailers and certainly watch for bulk deals on Ammoman.com. You can shoot multiple rounds which deliver low recoil and light push.

What adds to the appeal? They are delivered to your front door without the hassle of crowds, unavailability, and waiting in line. If your area is like mine, my caliber of ammo is hard to come by and you certainly have to plan ahead. For instance, .22 rounds are scarce. Target loads for 12 gauge are usually pretty abundant, but 9 mm is hit and miss unless you want to fork out the money for the expensive rounds in a pinch.

So let's see how Fargo shot after two years of hibernation:

7 yards-Meh

20 yards

I stunk at 20 yards as my vision was not cooperating with the multi-focal contacts moving around to focus. The first five rounds I could see the front site and the rest of the magazine were Hail Marys. 
Various distances and shooting styles-Fargo needs practice-stop trying to read the news


So let's just say I had a lot of fun and I could have gone through more than 100 rounds easily without having any soreness in my hand because this ammo was perfect for this type of practice. Yes, I have another vision exam in a couple weeks to see what is going on with Fargo's eyes.

Oh, and I let Sheriff Mike shoot some rounds to see what he thought. He agreed they were great for target practice and competitions and little recoil. He called them "nice, soft rounds." I didn't put his targets up because he is dealing with vision problems which require surgery. Now, he is a sure shot on his best days. Even his practice on this day was not bad at all, but not to his liking, so I decided to only show some of my targets. There were others, but this shows you the basics. And, no, they were not bad targets. I chose not to give you overkill.

Overall, I would rate Ammoman.com very high and I recommend it to anyone, anywhere. Please share this post if you want to spread the good word about a great company with super products. Look it up for yourself. If you want to share my weak accuracy and precision and poke fun at me, go ahead and do so. It was great fun!

Thanks to Eric at Ammoman.com for the opportunity to review this ammunition. I will be posting another review on the shotgun ammo soon. Even though I have not shot and reviewed the shotgun ammunition, Ammoman.com has a new customer! I am sold!

Sunday, April 5, 2015


Apparently, Good Friday is the day Jesus was crucified, but the day I rose.

I believe the B12 crack attack hit me at 5:00 PM. I got some groceries, shampooed every carpet in the house, washed the floors, wash walls, washed and folded four loads of laundry, washed dishes...all in 3. 5 hours and it continued the next day where I walked to the hardware store and home, walked to the post office and home, and walked to the Dollah Gentral and home, walked to the General Store and home (three times), planted flowers, cleaned up the yard, did some minor repairs, some more spring cleaning, washed sheets, and fixed meals, got Bug's Easter basket ready, worked out, went to town twice, mopped the mud room, gave dogs grooming, dusted, and still continued until 10:00 PM when I went to bed.

It's Easter Sunday!

I feel alive! What have I been missing?

Perhaps I was just plodding forward all this time and so used to feeling like crappo that I didn't know what 25 was like until now. Woohoo!

It made me think that the last year I was training rookies would have been much different if I had not felt so exhausted and run down. I attributed it to the process of selling the River War Haus, working as a copper, and closing down the landscaping business, selling all my machinery. I nodded off at times and felt my training really lacked pizazz as during the time of Wheels and Squirrel. The later rookies really got ripped off. I was more irritated with their mistakes instead of having oodles of patience. Never did I think of it as any type of deficiency. Nor would I have mentioned it to my physician.

Had my new doc not given me the Home Alone questionnaire, made me log every minute of every day including food and activities, and done the extensive blood work...I may have continued on as I was making little progress. I guess I owe it all to my eye doctor who started the whole process.

Speaking of which, I still have no answers to my failing eyesight. In Target, I was trying to read the instructions on a bottle of cleaner and no matter how near or far I was...I could not see it. It was just a blur of words. I was increasingly frustrated to the point that tears formed. I had to leave the store. I sat in my car wondering if it was just me or the container packaging. Here is a challenge for you. Go to the store, get a bottle of this and read the back. If it doesn't bother you or you can read it loud and clear, then I know it is just me.

Something strange I have noticed is I am drinking more and more water and less and less tea and coffee. That is not normal. The doc told me green tea and coffee (black) were good for me. Actually, so did my respiratory doc who said coffee helps asthmatics because is it a bronchodilator. Bam! Gotta love those beans. Today...I had three rocket fuel cups. Add that to my crack attack and I might drive myself crazy, 
After our Easter Sunday brunch, I hope to get to the range and test some ammo. Next week, I will also take some ammo from Ammoman.com to trap shooting. It has to beat those Busch Light reloads I was given.  Perhaps my crack attacks will help me at the games. Have to give the old guys a run for their money so they don't kick me out of the club. LOL.
Christ has risen! He has risen indeed!

Friday, April 3, 2015

Mind Games

"What's your name?"


"Hmm. Have you ever been to my office? You look familiar."

"Uh. Maybe. It's probably because I look like John Lennon."

"That's right. John Lennon has been in my office. Oh, wait. That's impossible."

"Don't I look like John Lennon? People say I do. I've had these round glasses forever."

"Yes. I was thinking that before I asked you, but I didn't want to say anything because he is dead."

"Did you know all those things that they say about Yoko Ono is true? She really is whacked."

"Never did meet the gal. I knew John long before Yoko."



"Did you know Cynthia died?"

It's college. I can't even make this shit up.

"Um. No. I'm very sorry for your loss."

"I didn't really know her."

"Oh." (Thinking...who the fuck is Cynthia?)

"Yoko made a statement about her death. I think the funeral will probably be Saturday."

"O-K." (Lord, this is a trick, right?)

"I can tell by your forehead lines that you don't know who I am talking about."

"Not a clue."

"Cynthia Lennon."

"Oh. Cynthia. Yes. Are you going to the funeral?"

"Ha. No."

Silence. I couldn't stand it anymore.

"Do you read forehead lines?"


"Yeah. You said you could tell by my forehead lines that I didn't know what you were talking about, so I was wondering if you could read all forehead lines. You know, like reading someone's mind or fortune telling."

"Uh. NO."

"Whew. Good thing. I will keep those thoughts private, then."

Yep. He got up and moved away and ruined all my fun.

Thursday, April 2, 2015


"Oh, raspberries, how I have missed you."

I was sure the cops were going to be called. It was me at the salad bar salivating like a serial killer over their next victim. It was that INTENSE.

You see, our university ships in organic HUGEST of raspberries for their salad bar from a farm where the chef has connections. It's time. They were here. I was admiring their beauty today. Then I had to get some. They are cheap, too. I can't really afford them in the store unless they are on sale. Luckily, we have farmer's markets and I can pick some up at a good price. Once in a great while, I get to pick wild ones with a friend. Ok. Enough with the hippy dippy.

Last night I exercised three times which is not normal, but it just happened. I'm not addicted. I was asked to walk through the woods at lunch. Check. It was a gossip session with my friend. Then after work I had CrossFit but there was an hour wait so I decided to walk for an hour before the class. Check. It was finally beautiful outside. So then...CrossFit.

New instructor.

Not a fan. He was INTENSE.

I will call him SebASStian.

He strutted around with puffed out chest or maybe that was just because he had good posture and was fit as a fiddle. He introduced himself to each of us separately with a nice firm handshake. That was good. Once it was time for class, he asked the students to my right what their major was and what year in school they were. Then he turned his back to me and asked them further questions about their studies, but never looked at me or included me or asked me anything. I thought that was kind of a snubbing.

The Snubbing. It could be a movie.

I waited.


I waited.


"So...did you not ask me about my student status because you thought I was too old to be a student?" (smirky smile)

*record scratch*

(students chuckled)


SebASStian turned slowly toward me with nose (he moved it a little more upward like your second grade teacher giving you the look of .."did you just speak?" ) in the air and stated with a British attitude in an American accent...

"No. I did not. I just thought you were a professor."


"I was just kidding with you."


Wow. He was INTENSE.

A voice in my head said, "No one likes a smart ass, Kathryn." It was Dad. Yep. I know, Dad.

Apparently, I pissed off the CrossFit god.

"I just work here. Going to get my Master's one class at a time."

I got the head nod and then he focused back to the students.


So...the rest of the class I did as I was told and dutifully asked questions about proper form and whatnot. He was INTENSE. All his instruction was non-smiling, militaristic, and harsh. The students acted as if they were all in boot camp and did not speak. One. Word.

They were a lot smarter than me.

Or maybe I didn't give a fuck.

It was debatable.

See now...during the whole class while I was being a good little robot, I kept thinking of Officer Shiny Keys (named appropriately because of raccoon like behavior and cut ups in the field) and how I missed his coaching style and funitude. He made it fun. He made it so I wanted to  learn and do more and reach for higher goals. Kind of like Shamus on the first day.

I was comparing Shiny Keys to SebASStian the whole time like a scorned bitch. I might have even had a frown or an air about me stating with extra daggers, "Well, you aren't as good a coach as Shiny Keys. Hmpf. Take that."

"Don't be a dick." That's what I really wanted to say, but did not muster a sound even close to those words.

The workout came to a stoppage much to all our gladness because we all gassed out and were expended beyond our physical capabilities.

"Ok. That is a class. Any questions or comments?"

When someone asks this question, you should just shut your mouth.

But the teenager in me couldn't contain myself.

"Oh, how about let's do that again."

Groans from the class.


I did not just say the dreaded words of the "hated" type. You know...the ones who fuck up in the military and make everyone do more push ups or at the police academy where you get to do extra burpees.

The voices in my head had projected outward. My medicine must have worn off. Egads!

Yeah. I was running and trying to pull my words back into my mouth and shut the yips. Bang, bang my head. Facepalm. D'oh. All that.

Too late for do-overs.

SebASStian turned to me and said with a half eye frown and nose upturned, "You can if you want to."

"Maybe another day. That was an excellent workout. Thank you very much."


I moved faster leaving class than I did running sprints during the WOD (workout of the day)

"No one likes a smart ass, Kathryn."

"I know, Dad. Don't be a dick. I know. I know. Ugh."