Events like this remind us that there are bad guys everywhere. It's not just a city problem. Certainly having the thoughts of killing cops and taking action toward it seems to be getting easier for criminals. It's pretty bad when even the criminals lose their moral compass. Perhaps they are just following the way of the world right now. So many have lost their compasses and maps and cannot find their way back to morality.
First, you lose it in small ways. Those problems grow bigger and before you know it, it's easy to lie, cheat, and steal. But you have a good reputation. Until that one day when you are exposed. And you will be exposed. It is inevitable. So why do people do bad things? I don't know. I'm not a psychiatrist, although being a cop sure is close.
For criminals it is a right of passage. But what about us normal type folks? What makes one of us go bad? Desperate times? A life event? A job loss? A divorce?
My life event caused me to get two more jobs, try to stay afloat, fight to the death, be a better mother...but that one thing...I globbed (definition: aimlessly super grab onto something or someone with no forethought or brain activity) onto another boob of a man and another and another. Then I married one of the boobs. Yeah. Fargo picks dogs. Not the good kind of dogs, but the other kind of dogs. Now literally, when I think of lifelong commitments, I go get another puppy.
Now back to the fallen cops.
I have not thought about Officer Black for quite some time. Back in 2000 ( I was assigned as a detective while pregnant), I called upon the assistance of a gang unit in California to locate a suspect wanted in an aggravated assault with multiple other warrants tied to a drug ring tied to a bunch of auto burglaries tied to fraud cases. See how the organized crime used to work? Drugs-auto burglaries-fraud-aggravated assaults/murders/rape-then you become a politician. Anyhoozle, I contacted the State of Confusion (California) and got some help. The officer I was assigned to was a go getter and very nice, reporting back to me often his progress. He and I got along like peas and carrots over the phone. I was somewhat depressed I didn't get Erik Estrada or Larry Wilcox, but he made it up with his enthusiasm and great personality.
I hadn't heard from him for a few days and it was not like him to check in with me. We were about to get this bad guy with the long arm of the law. I left a message for him at his office. Then I got a strange call one day from one of his cohorts. My new found cop friend had been killed in an ambush.
I really didn't know how to feel except empty with a hole in my heart and helpless. All I could really do back then was donate to his family.
After time, you close the gap a little and move on. But you never forget and at odd times you will remember vividly. I didn't even really know him, but yet you have the blue bond so it feels like you lost a family member.
And you guessed it again..my stupid humor rings in my ear...right this minute...Lauperized.
I know my humor is not appreciated by all, especially during a somewhat solemn and sad post. Cops are awkward. We soften terrible things with sick humor and dumb funnies.
But not to get weird about it, however, that's how I feel when I hear about another cop being killed: Empty with another hole in my heart. Even if it is just for a moment, I feel for the families left behind. I'm pretty sure on the inside I look like baby Swish cheese about now.