FARGO: Unless you are a politician. In that case you can spin a yarn in any fashion you please and pretty soon you have convinced the masses to join in a cluster of devowing your vows.
HAP: What hark! is Fargo muttering about?
FARGO: Well, of course, Trump's new declaration to take back his pledge of loyalty to the Republican nominee if it isn't him because he has been unfaired. Now do I give a rat's ass about a pledge? No. I think it was everyone fishing around to see if he would go third party if not supported or if he lost the nomination. Then, it became this BIG THING. *shudder* A pledge. It isn't like the Gospel for Pete's Sake.
HAP: Well, it is giving your commitment. Why can't we just play by the rules?
FARGO: Why? Because if Nellie Olson doesn't like the rules, she can change them to suit her. Right? This is all so silly and full of hair flips. It is our very fine government at its very finest process: chaos and bupkus.
HAP: A pledge is a vow is a promise is an oath is your word, blah blah.
FARGO: Maybe Trump got confused.
HAP: There is a lot of attention on Trump with the assault charge against his campaign manager, the GOP trying to railroad him, and the like. I think it is all pitiful. He gives plenty to unhinge him on, but we have to pick the stupider and ridiculous and make something out of nothing?
FARGO: Fuck me in the ass.
HAP: Well, you know my wife won't do that so...
FARGO: Shut the fuck up. It was an expression.
HAP: Yes, I know.
FARGO: I was not pledging my booty to you.
HAP: Well...uh...I know...but you scared me...ordering me...forceful voice...anger.
FARGO: Get yourself together. You are being dumb.
HAP: Talk about dumbing down America, well, this takes the cake. This is really dumb. Let's get to real issues, shall we? Or can we? We've been asking for it for some time now. And what about poor Hillary in the midst? She skates by another time. I think we should start conspiracy rumors about Trump and coverage theories about Hillary.
FARGO: I just can't figure out who she is sleeping with to get away with all of this. Maybe several. It just gives me visceral images I don't need to endure.
FARGO: Someone hand me some sticks so I can poke my eyes out!
HAP: Egads, Fargo. That was in poor taste.
FARGO: I got visuals, dude.
HAP: Whatever. I think we all need to take pledges more seriously and your word is your word.
FARGO: I, Fargo, under God, solemnly swear to pledge my sarcasm to the world, and give it freely to the masses who ignore it and declare to make a stand for one nation very divided, with liberty and justice for us all.
I will stand by this because I have love in my heart. Do I need to sign it in blood? I'm not very good around needles. Can we just pinky swear?
HAP: Fargo, you're so weird.