Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Friday, April 22, 2016

Riding With Mother

As many law enforcement organizations have a ride-along program, my former department does as well. Once a person signs a waiver and passes a brief background check, the program is available for citizens who meet the requirements of being warrant free and of non-felon status.  These programs are a great community bridge for law enforcement to connect with citizens. In turn, the public can view the world from inside a cruiser and witness firsthand how the police work. It can be a benefit for spouses, family, friends, and aspiring officers to understand the dynamic career.

After umpteen years I finally convinced my non-felon mom into riding along with me. She only wanted to ride for an hour.  Maybe she thought an hour with her daughter was more than enough. I don’t know.

Picture a cute little old lady who is a classy dresser and acts a tinge like Betty White-that’s my mom.  She is also a lady and very proper. Much to her chagrin, I did not pick up those habits, although I could act the part if forced.  My jaded police side often clashes with her refinement.

She seemed very nervous for the adventure. I considered it payback. It was the only chance I was going to get.  Ever.  She lived in Minnesota and was traveling around the state of Wyoming to visit friends and family. Naturally, I jumped on the opportunity to intrigue her with the idea because her Friday night was free. I had longed for this day. Finally, I would be able to show her how effective my command presence and emotional intelligence was in my community.

After introducing her to my shift after briefing, I took her to the basement to my patrol car and gave a short instruction on the ride along rules. Mom strapped her seatbelt on and off we went. It was quite boring for the first hour in the crime world, but we had good chit chat as I explained the uniqueness of my area where I patrolled. 
Not long after my preface and short rendition of police 101, a report of a drunk driver appeared on the mobile data screen. The call came into my area but was given to another officer. The responding officer found the lucky bastard. To showcase great teamwork to my mother, they needed backup and the responding officer called for my assistance.  I was far away and since it was dark, I drove somewhat like a madman, (but not against policy), to get there. 

You know as mothers are at home, so they are in your patrol car. “You’re going to kill us, Kathryn Ann! Watch out! Look over there! Don't hit the! Kathryn Ann, you can't drive like this! What are you doing? The cars! My neck!” 

I very calmly stated to my dear mother, “Mom, I do this every day. I'm the Popo.  It will be fine. Enjoy the carnival ride”.  Sweat beads began to form on my mother’s forehead at this point because I was going 5 miles or so over the speed limit.

Upon arrival, the officer informed me of the situation. I offered to take the call. The driver, a man named David, refused to do field sobriety tests and would not answer many questions. He just turned around and put his hands behind his back stating, “Arrest me. I will fail all your tests.” I told him the processes of a DUI and he agreed to oblige. Indeed the field work showed he was impaired and he was under arrest.

David got me by surprise as I steered him to my back seat, “You must be a rookie.” Little did he know, I had 13 years on the force.

“Yep. Why do you say that?” 

“You got your supervisor in the car next to you”. 

David was a total rocket scientist disguised as a drunk. 

“You are absolutely right about that!” I giggled along with my mom.  

“Well, you are the nicest police officer I've ever met”. 

“Oh, yeah?” I said as I drove David to jail. Mom patted me on the leg and beamed a proud look at me.  Like that was a compliment! I had worked so hard to be tough and strong in front of my mother. I did not want people to shout from the tree tops that I was the “nicest” officer on the block.
“Yep, you are a rookie. But nice. Thank you for being so nice. And professional. I'm drunk. But you're the nicest cop ever. “

We arrived safely at the jail. When we exited the patrol car, David had a revelation when I said, “Mom, we’re going into the jail. You need to get out of the car now.”  You could see it in his eyes.

“Honey, do I need to take my purse?”

“What? Uh, no, mom. We don't take our purses into the jail. I don't think anyone will steal it”.  I rolled my eyes.  Could you imagine if we came strolling into book-in with our purses slung over our shoulders? I would never live it down.

David piped up, “THAT is your mom? No way!” He looked at my mom, then looked at me. “That IS your mom. You ain’t no rookie. How long you been a cop?”

He looked at my mother and said, “Your daughter is a nice cop.”

The world was crashing down on me. I had this image of wowing my mom with my experience and calm edge. Luck would have it I had picked up a sappy nice non-cussing drunk. I needed a raging asshole so my mom could see I was in danger every day. And that I risked my life in this job. Plus she raised a tough kid so she could tell people about my strength. Now she was going to brag about how “nice” I had been. Yuck!

Walking into the book-in area through the iron doors, my mom was in awe. She had never been in jail.  Ever. Not even to pick me up after bailing me out.  Why? Because her daughter had never been arrested. I could tell Mom was taking all of this in. She was very quiet. 

David sat down in a chair upon my order to do so and I started to fill out paperwork while I waited for the process to begin at the jail’s speed. This depended on what was happening on the other side of the doors. It could be slow or it could be fast.

While I was working, my mother turned to David and looked him square in the eyes, “Thank you for saying my daughter is nice”. 

What the? No! No! No! Now we thank the criminals? What has the world come to? 

I gritted my teeth and booked the guy in. The detention officers took his belongings and put him in holding after removing his handcuffs.   

The detention officer happened to be my favorite and started to jest with me as was usual practice among cops. “Jeez, you didn’t even bring in a crazy one this time? The guy is nice?” I had quite a reputation.

David turned to my mother and said, “It was real nice to meet you, ma’am.” He then looked at me, “And thank you for being so nice, officer.”   

I smiled weakly.   

 “What the? Are you kidding me? [Jabbing my side] Sir, she is a flaming royal...bi..“


 “That’s my mom, Jason, shut up.”

 “That's your mom. Well, HELLLLOOOOO, Mom! Nice to meet you!” 

My mom grinned like a huge Cheshire cat so proud that her daughter was thought of as “nice”. She extended her hand to Jason, “Hi. It’s very nice to meet you.” All the detention officers heard my mom was with me through the camera and audio system, so they came out to meet her. We are all family in my county.

Jason escorted David to the next location to sit on the bench to await his cell assignment. “Once again, it was really nice to meet you, ma’am, but I hope I don’t run into you like this again.” 

“Likewise. David.”

All of a sudden my mom disappeared from behind me. She went up to David and shook his hand before I could intervene.  “It was very nice to meet you, sir.”  He shook her hand and smiled. 

I drug her back out to the garage. While I retrieved my firearm and holstered it, I thought I should give some advice to my mother about etiquette. “Mom, we really don’t go up to prisoners and shake their hand while telling them it is nice to meet them.”

 “Well, he was really nice, honey.”  Un-freaking-believable.

Two days later, I drove my mother to church. The ride was pretty quiet. About 10 miles down the road, she asked me, “Honey, how do you suppose David is doing?”


“David. The man you arrested for drunk driving.”

No! No! No! We were not bringing David Whoeverthehellheis into my day off. She referred to him by first name like he was family.

“Mom, who cares? He’s probably into a six pack by now.”

“Was that lady who asked him all those health questions a nurse?”

“Yes, mom.”

“Do they do that with everyone?”


“What will happen to David now?”

“I don’t know. I hope he is crossing the street when I’m going to church.”

“Why would you hope that, dear? Is he out of jail?”

“Yes, he is out of jail.”

“Can he drive?”

“Yes. He can. But his license is suspended. He’s not supposed to drive. He will go to jail if he is caught driving. Can we talk about something else?”

That really made my mother mad because my tone was a little brash. I had had no sleep after a 12 hour shift but it was tradition to go to Easter church service. It was silent for the next 15 miles. 

Church went without a hitch except for my mother’s cell phone ringing in the middle of the sermon and my 9 year old spouting off, “When is that bread thingy going to happen?” During the offering she also declared, “Mommy, did you see that guy put a lot of money in there?” My family were truly imposters and I wanted my old family back pronto.

On the way home from church, mom asked, “So, did David blow really high on that test? “

“Mom, David didn't want to take the test, remember?”

“Oh, yeah. You should really not drive so fast”. The rest of the visit was uneventful and my mother left for a vacation west of my town on the next day.

Six days later my mother returned from her adventures in Rock Springs, Wyoming. She came into the house toting a new cake pan because mine was “old and yucky”, therefore no good. She was proud of her purchase.

“Very nice. Don’t you like your new pan?”

“Yes, mom. Thank you very much.”

“So how is David? Did he go to court? What ever happened to him?”

My head hit the kitchen table like 30 times because I was trying to get an ambulance ride so I could avoid talking about David. I have no idea why there was this fixation with a transported drunk, but she was greatly concerned about his well-being.

She eventually left to go back home to Minnesota. On Mother’s Day, she called me to wish me a happy day. After we exchanged pleasantries her chatter went on and on. She blindsided me with a question, “How’s David?”

What. The. Hell.

Mom asked me occasionally about David for the next year until he faded from her memory like Gene Autry into the sunset riding Trigger. (Yes, that was Roy's horse. Gene rode Champion. Get it? That was my life. The wrong horse.) I was so grateful for that moment. In all fairness, it was a joy to have mom ride along with me. She did get a new appreciation for police officers. I do not know what became of David, but I would not be surprised if he ever so often toasted a drink to my mother.



Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
ROFL - that was one cute story (and I have NO reason to believe that it's anything BUT true).
I figured your Mom would be that kind of sweet lady (just never cheese her off, right?).
And to "thank" a perp for being nice to you...takes the cake.

FYI - Gene Autry's horse was named CHAMPION.
TRIGGER belonged to the "King of the Cowboys" - Roy Rogers.
(Just in case you need a sunset to ride into.)

Good post.
Have a great weekend and always roll safe down there, dear.

Momma Fargo said...

LOL. You caught it, Bob. That was my humor. Good job!

lotta joy said...

Well, your mom is in Minnesota, same as Betty White was on the Golden Girls, so I'd say you were expecting too much. And actually, I'm wondering how is David.

Old NFO said...

ROTFLMAO! Good one!

Cheryl said...

OH, so there is a thing "Bring your Mom to work Day". I love that. You know I think that is such a cute story. Your mom's concern for David is just darling. I appreciate that you wanted to show her the exciting part of your job and give her an idea of the crucial work you do...only to have a non-cussing drunk fill up your time but the fact she got so invested in his welfare tells us that she is such a caring sort of person.

Also, very funny about her telling you how to drive. I guess you could of assured her you wouldn't be getting stopped and given a speeding ticket.