Evidence 101

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Thursday, May 12, 2016

Grease In The Pipes

The rumored announcement of Longmire's last season has probably gone over with many of you like finding a live June bug in your latte...at the bottom...after you drank most of it. I know I'm pretty sad about it. I hope it isn't true and is just sensational scuttlebutt. 

Oh, well.

I'm going to have to read the books in Walt's voice. Gah. Television continues to disappoint me. Bastards.

And then...one of my friends alerted me to this...




Whew. I feel much better now. So, watch it so it can continue and so I can retain my happiness.



Yep. This is me in case you didn't know it. 


Speaking of bending over... here is some great health information you should all be aware of apparently. I learned that lube is toxic and you should really research what you stick up in your spaces. Just some advice in case any of you were wondering about that. No, I did not have an infection, nor did I put lube up in my spaces. It was on Chelsea with Gweneth Paltrow. 

So I had to do some more digging to find out if this was in fact, true, or if it was one of Gweneth's (yes, we are on a first name basis) health kicks she gets on since she is a natural girl. It is indeed true.

IF YOU PUT THAT SHIT UP YOUR ASS.

So apparently, vaginas can take more pounding or lube or something. I don't know.

This is quoted from an old study that has been hidden from me. Why? Because I have not been paying attention, just like I missed the bad news about Longmire until now. 


'A recent study in the US found that 4 out of 6 of the tested water-based lubes were toxic to rectal cells and tissues.
“People who are using water-based lubricants during anal sex were three times more likely to contract rectal sexually transmitted infections than those who had anal sex without lubricant, found UCLA researchers in a laboratory study.” This was one of the presentations at the International Microbicide Conference held the end of May 2010.'

Out of curiosity, I just want to know who decides to research lube in those cavities and what made them go that direction. Maybe I really don't want to know. Maybe it is a question but we don't want any answers. It might be best to remain in ignorance. Are there government grants to study butt sex?
Furthermore, those non-water based substances are even more dangerous. I am sure that is attributed to the alcohol content. So stop putting it in your ass. I don't even want to know. But if you must, get some safe stuff.

Contradictory to that information, unless your junk is bursting into flames, then you are probably OK.  Junk is not effected if the lube is on the outside. Don't get it in the pee hole. 

If it is the inner workings of the booty that are inflamed, then perhaps you should have known that it is an exit only orifice. At least, I believe that is what it was intended for but humans get to experimenting and shit. And who wants poo on their junk or a dick in that hole? A lot of people, apparently. I don't ask and people don't wear it on a t-shirt, so I can only assume this is a wide-spread problem.

I know you all took my favorite saying, "Fuck me in the ass", literally. You are probably saying in  your head..."Well, aren't you the one who says..?" I can't explain that. 

Additionally, parabens  (including Methylparabens and Propylparabens--I mean, seriously, the spelling atrocity should scare you away from that in the first place. Who wants meth and props in your vagina? ) are in those products. Those things are connected to bad things also. They have been linked to breast cancer. So you know, you can now get breast cancer from butt sex. No kidding. That's what that means. Connect the dots. I don't know about you, but no man with junk that can reach all the way to my boobs during butt sex is getting near me. True story. 

The other ways to contract breast cancer might be by rubbing it on your boobs...the lube and the junk. But why? Each to his or her own I guess.

So how many bets on the fact that everyone reads this and goes "oh hell no" and I get no comments. I bet you all have been wondering these same things but couldn't say it out loud. Aren't you glad my filter is gone and I have naughty fingers. You know no matter what I type, it all sounds bad.
In the name of lube, we should all rethink our sexual strategies. 

Be careful out there. I hear it might be slippery.

6 comments:

Momma Fargo said...

*crickets*

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
ROFL...oh, to be a brain cell in your fertile mind...(some days)...!
That's why I like you so damn much...you bring the best from out in left field for us to enjoy.
(lubes...thought was meant for my CAR when I get the oil changed...heh)
ICE and TEFLON are slippery, too, but when it comes to certain orifices...well...(not gonna go there).

Cute and enlightening post.

Stay safe (and not THAT slippery) down there, dear.

Momma Fargo said...

Hey, Bob! Ye are not afraid! LOL. I know...my left field is WAYYYY left.

Ryan Bowers said...

I'm kinda wishing you'd included the names of the 2 safe ones.

Momma Fargo said...

Ryan,

Haha! I spit water when I read your comment. Apparently, Paltrow has a brand called Goop that you can put anywhere. That's Poop only with a G.

lotta joy said...

Uh...........I was watching a NETFLIX documentary on porno stars and how (before the video) they use enemas to get all the naughty bits out of the naughty bits. Made me think.

I thought "SHIT!" Then realized that's exactly what it was about.