Police officers see all kinds of living. There are different
styles found in many criminal establishments. Surely you will see a nice fancy
ride parked out front and the big flat screen television through the window.
Those are common at every household. The rest is really unique to the area of
town or type of crime they are engaged in conducting in your fair city. We can
all appreciate the different ways of expressing ourselves in home interior and
yard retreats. You know you are at a bad guy’s house when you find…
1. Clay pots on the steps, wooden window boxes on the
trailer. Usually the flowers are neatly arranged and in a multitude of colors.
And the fragrance...plastic. Oh, there might be even be dirt in the pots and
window boxes. It makes a difference to have them growing in good, fertile soil.
2. Engine parts. Apparently if you stack them in piles in the
lawn-it's yard art. Just like Van Gogh, only different and very metal. The
grease makes the personality come out of the sculpture and the interpretation
of the piece says a lot about America. Sometimes these are even kitchen
centerpieces.
3. Trash heaps-a new type of composting. Ten to fifteen
years in the making, or perhaps longer, and then it becomes rich soil for the
garden. Butter boxes, Fritos packaging, and baby diapers seem to be ripe for
making black gold. If the shit smell
attracts flies, the maggots compost things even faster. Brilliant!
4. Keystone Light cans. These are often thrown in the corner
of the yard near the front gate. It is certainly a new organizational system of
recycling. Those green people! Love them! Being green is great for our
environment and these fine citizens are just doing their part to clean up
America. They even make nice pyramid coffee table displays.
5. Lawn furniture. Even though the stuffing could be hanging
out of a 1970’s Lane sofa with gold, brown, and white flower print, it is quite
quaint on the porch next to the Bucket-O-Butts.
6. The large chain laying across the top steps leading to
Fluffy, the attack dog-police friendly and all- beats a stone lion.
7. Mountain Dew cans, crown royal bags, overflowing ash trays,
and dart boards often adorn the living rooms in these fine homes.
8. Coffee table books. They are so overrated, right? Who
doesn't leave their sexual devices out for everyone's viewing pleasure? Cookie
and a dildo, anyone?
9. We can’t forget the stench. It often has hints of body
odor with a mist of cigarette smoke,
stale beer, and undertones of cat piss.
I love ghetto gardening and unusual interior adornments. At
any given day we might stroll up to the front doors of these places to
introduce ourselves to serve a warrant or respond to a call. What we see along
the way are fun landscaping ideas and unique inner designs. Perhaps we might
start off the conversation by picking their brains about their gardening
techniques or wall hanging choices. What other great things do you see in the
hood?
4 comments:
VFD/EMS sees the same thing, usually including a back bedroom that you just want to take a shower after you walk in, and that's before you even touch the patient...
+1 Old NFO per my EMT son.
Yikes, I can only imagine. I see a lot of filth and clutter as a Realtor but usually even in the most nasty homes, what I see is the cleaned up version. OH..there are still sex toys laying about, the aroma of cat piss and let's not forget how wonderful human pee that has soaked into bathroom grout. One of my listings included the bong that lays on the kitchen island...but that house was a very high end listing. The filth and "things that should be hidden" aren't limited to lower priced homes. A million dollar house can have lots of really bad things going on with it.
I have always been intrigued by homes that have washing machines sitting on the front porch or toilets made into planters in the front yard. It just takes a certain person that would think of that as adding charm to the place.
Momma Fargo:
ROFLMAO...you HAD to have driven through our part of the ghettohood...!
Love your take on such people...because it's ALL...too...true!
I'd be open to ANY landscaping ideas you might have...OTHER than the ones you mentioned here, mind you.
But please don't totally decry the cat-piss thing...our cat is TWENTY years old, and he has a spatial location problem once in a while when it comes to finding his litterpan.
Very good post, Kiddo.
Roll safe down there, dear.
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