Police officers see all kinds of living. There are different styles found in many criminal establishments. Surely you will see a nice fancy ride parked out front and the big flat screen television through the window. Those are common at every household. The rest is really unique to the area of town or type of crime they are engaged in conducting in your fair city. We can all appreciate the different ways of expressing ourselves in home interior and yard retreats. You know you are at a bad guy’s house when you find…
1. Clay pots on the steps, wooden window boxes on the trailer. Usually the flowers are neatly arranged and in a multitude of colors. And the fragrance...plastic. Oh, there might be even be dirt in the pots and window boxes. It makes a difference to have them growing in good, fertile soil.
2. Engine parts. Apparently if you stack them in piles in the lawn-it's yard art. Just like Van Gogh, only different and very metal. The grease makes the personality come out of the sculpture and the interpretation of the piece says a lot about America. Sometimes these are even kitchen centerpieces.
3. Trash heaps-a new type of composting. Ten to fifteen years in the making, or perhaps longer, and then it becomes rich soil for the garden. Butter boxes, Fritos packaging, and baby diapers seem to be ripe for making black gold. If the shit smell attracts flies, the maggots compost things even faster. Brilliant!
4. Keystone Light cans. These are often thrown in the corner of the yard near the front gate. It is certainly a new organizational system of recycling. Those green people! Love them! Being green is great for our environment and these fine citizens are just doing their part to clean up America. They even make nice pyramid coffee table displays.
5. Lawn furniture. Even though the stuffing could be hanging out of a 1970’s Lane sofa with gold, brown, and white flower print, it is quite quaint on the porch next to the Bucket-O-Butts.
6. The large chain laying across the top steps leading to Fluffy, the attack dog-police friendly and all- beats a stone lion.
7. Mountain Dew cans, crown royal bags, overflowing ash trays, and dart boards often adorn the living rooms in these fine homes.
8. Coffee table books. They are so overrated, right? Who doesn't leave their sexual devices out for everyone's viewing pleasure? Cookie and a dildo, anyone?
9. We can’t forget the stench. It often has hints of body odor with a mist of cigarette smoke, stale beer, and undertones of cat piss.
I love ghetto gardening and unusual interior adornments. At any given day we might stroll up to the front doors of these places to introduce ourselves to serve a warrant or respond to a call. What we see along the way are fun landscaping ideas and unique inner designs. Perhaps we might start off the conversation by picking their brains about their gardening techniques or wall hanging choices. What other great things do you see in the hood?