Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Monday, May 9, 2016

Things That Make You Go..Hmmm

Police officers see all kinds of living. There are different styles found in many criminal establishments. Surely you will see a nice fancy ride parked out front and the big flat screen television through the window. Those are common at every household. The rest is really unique to the area of town or type of crime they are engaged in conducting in your fair city. We can all appreciate the different ways of expressing ourselves in home interior and yard retreats. You know you are at a bad guy’s house when you find…

1. Clay pots on the steps, wooden window boxes on the trailer. Usually the flowers are neatly arranged and in a multitude of colors. And the fragrance...plastic. Oh, there might be even be dirt in the pots and window boxes. It makes a difference to have them growing in good, fertile soil.

2. Engine parts. Apparently if you stack them in piles in the lawn-it's yard art. Just like Van Gogh, only different and very metal. The grease makes the personality come out of the sculpture and the interpretation of the piece says a lot about America. Sometimes these are even kitchen centerpieces.

3. Trash heaps-a new type of composting. Ten to fifteen years in the making, or perhaps longer, and then it becomes rich soil for the garden. Butter boxes, Fritos packaging, and baby diapers seem to be ripe for making black gold.  If the shit smell attracts flies, the maggots compost things even faster. Brilliant!

4. Keystone Light cans. These are often thrown in the corner of the yard near the front gate. It is certainly a new organizational system of recycling. Those green people! Love them! Being green is great for our environment and these fine citizens are just doing their part to clean up America. They even make nice pyramid coffee table displays.

5. Lawn furniture. Even though the stuffing could be hanging out of a 1970’s Lane sofa with gold, brown, and white flower print, it is quite quaint on the porch next to the Bucket-O-Butts.
6. The large chain laying across the top steps leading to Fluffy, the attack dog-police friendly and all- beats a stone lion.

7. Mountain Dew cans, crown royal bags, overflowing ash trays, and dart boards often adorn the living rooms in these fine homes.

8. Coffee table books. They are so overrated, right? Who doesn't leave their sexual devices out for everyone's viewing pleasure? Cookie and a dildo, anyone?

9. We can’t forget the stench. It often has hints of body odor with a mist of cigarette smoke,  stale beer, and undertones of cat piss.

I love ghetto gardening and unusual interior adornments. At any given day we might stroll up to the front doors of these places to introduce ourselves to serve a warrant or respond to a call. What we see along the way are fun landscaping ideas and unique inner designs. Perhaps we might start off the conversation by picking their brains about their gardening techniques or wall hanging choices. What other great things do you see in the hood?


Old NFO said...

VFD/EMS sees the same thing, usually including a back bedroom that you just want to take a shower after you walk in, and that's before you even touch the patient...

Well Seasoned Fool said...

+1 Old NFO per my EMT son.

Cheryl said...

Yikes, I can only imagine. I see a lot of filth and clutter as a Realtor but usually even in the most nasty homes, what I see is the cleaned up version. OH..there are still sex toys laying about, the aroma of cat piss and let's not forget how wonderful human pee that has soaked into bathroom grout. One of my listings included the bong that lays on the kitchen island...but that house was a very high end listing. The filth and "things that should be hidden" aren't limited to lower priced homes. A million dollar house can have lots of really bad things going on with it.

I have always been intrigued by homes that have washing machines sitting on the front porch or toilets made into planters in the front yard. It just takes a certain person that would think of that as adding charm to the place.

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
ROFLMAO...you HAD to have driven through our part of the ghettohood...!
Love your take on such people...because it's ALL...too...true!

I'd be open to ANY landscaping ideas you might have...OTHER than the ones you mentioned here, mind you.

But please don't totally decry the cat-piss thing...our cat is TWENTY years old, and he has a spatial location problem once in a while when it comes to finding his litterpan.

Very good post, Kiddo.

Roll safe down there, dear.