Evidence 101

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Thursday, March 16, 2017

The Prostitots

So there are moments of professionalism, grandeur sleuthing, and then the ugly human cop moments. I hate it when we are human. It happens. Why am I sharing such travesty of justice and showing a horrible moment when I was very unprofessional? Because it is real. I'm not proud. It is just showing the true moments when police are not perfect. Did I get in trouble? No. Did I get a complaint? No. Should I have been more professional? Yes. 

So here it is...me in my NOT-SO glory. 

Got to love the kids that break out of the Youth Crisis Center. Running amok. All over our fair city.

Cornfed caught a car load of kids who happened to steal mom's sports car.

Sweet.

And they ran into the Popo's attention at 0200 in the morning.

DUM  kids. They didn't even meet the spelling of the word. Yeah. I'm not proud to use that analogy of their intelligence level. It is really degrading. But it is all I got right now.

One was a fugitive runaway. They were all very misbehaved and disrespectful. Like LOUD. And NAUGHTY. And VULGAR. What do I do? I fight fire with fire.

They were dangerous criminals....maybe in 10 years...maybe sooner.

Mom was a prize. Sent over her felon boyfriend to check out the situation because she was too drunk at the bar to care and couldn't be bothered away from her current shot glass full of Fireball.

We started from that point.

It was one of those moments where you just throw up your hands. Mother voice doesn't work. Voice of reason doesn't work. Professional voice doesn't work. Frustration just kicks in and one of my pet peeves is disrespectful kids. I was raised better and so should they have been.

Possibly, Auntie Flo, the bitch, had something to do with my attitude. Maybe...I don't like to see kids with bad attitudes...and scantily clothed.  Smash 'em like a bug. Teach them to have some respect for themselves.

The kids were all smart- mouthed. The girls were dressed as Prostitots and the boys were Gangsta G. All of 14 and under. Groovy. And that is no exaggeration.

Cornfed just continued to do his job and took all of their shit. Nothing phases him. But I was there. I was there to set the record and adjust some adjusting. Some things just slip out of my mouth. I could blame it on Tourettes...if I had been diagnosed with it. I think I might have had temporary Tourettes syndrome...TTS.  Or multiple personalities? Sometimes it was a voice in my head. When they both occur side by side...I have to have some medicine [wine, beer, mojitos, rum]. It's a sign. [FUCK ME IN THE ASS!]

An 18 year old boy walking on the street stopped by the traffic stop and tried to pick up the girls Prostitots. I'm not kidding. He was a genius.

They worked it. [SLUTS] Their flirting and scant clothing was too much for my mother instincts. Besides, anyone who walks up on the police is at least one sandwich shy of a picnic. 

It was Cornfed's traffic stop. I tried not to interfere. [FUCKOFF, whatever] But I would never let an unknown subject just walk up on a traffic stop. Not unless I wanted to get killed.

I couldn't stand the fact that the male had walked up to the suspect YOOTs' car. What was he doing? Why did he think that was OK? Was he going to jack us all? Ok. Maybe I've seen too many movies. It bugged me a lot. [COCKSUCKER!] I had warned Cornfed the dude was coming up behind him...thinking Cornfed would approach him. He was very busy. That is why we have backup. I decided to exercise my duties as backup queen. So I crossed over Cornfed and his note taking and shoved the male back just before he reached the super danger zone. The male was immediately pissed off. [PUSSY! BALLZ!]

ME: What do you think you are doing? [FUCKAH! NUTSACK!] Get out of here. You don't walk up on a traffic stop, peer in the patrol cars, and then make contact with a stopped vehicle with the popo. [MONKEY BALLS] That is a good way to get hurt. We could have some dangerous people here. 

TREE HUGGER: What? I was just wanting to know what was going on?

ME: Really? Are you fucking kidding me? It's none of your business. [ASSHAT. BUNGHOLIO!]  ID. Now. But now you just made it your business.

TREE HUGGER:  [handed me his ID]

So...I ran him and he was clear. No warrants. Not even for felony stupid. [KISS MY ASS. FUCK!]

ME: Get out of here. Leave or I will arrest you for interference and don't ever do that again. Ever. [FUCKFACE. BUCKAWK!] 

PROSTITOT:  He was just talking to me.  I wanted to give him my number.


No, they weren't cute like this. 


ME: You know what? Stop acting like a whore. Act like a young lady with some sense. He's over 18, you're 13. Can you say nasty, creepy, inappropriate? Oh, wait. I say ILLEGAL. Next thing you know...you'll be found in a dark alley...beat up or worse.  Fucking dumb kids!  And get some clothes on. Slut!


[pointed to her to get in the car and slammed car passenger door when she sat down and looked at me in disbelief].

CORNFED: Wow.

ME: Did I say all that out loud?

CORNFED: [giggle] Yes.

ME: Oy... the voice in my head...

CORNFED: Tourettes?

ME: Auntie Flo. She's such a bitch.

6 comments:

Old NFO said...

One wonders if any of them are still alive... That kind of stupid usually goes all the way to the bone...

Sylvia Plathypus said...

You are DEFINITELY my hero!! xD Absolutely the kind of cop all of those dumb fuckahs needed at the time, and coincidentally, exactly the kind they got! That almost never happens -- kudos, mama!

MrGarabaldi said...

Hey Momma Fargo;

LOLROFLMAO...Yes I can totally see you doing that. Hopefully got some sense in that girls head along with her friend or yes they will wind up in some ally somewhere, pregnant or worse. That is the problem...people are afraid to snap a kid back into line.

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo?:
((shakes head and sighs))
And to think there are dipshit people out there who conceived and raised such mini-thugs and thuglettes.
An excellent tale, and I always liked that term you used "prostitots"...lol.
WTF are they thinking?
(oh wait, I retract that last query...no "thinking" involved, apparently on their part).
You "Fargoed" those kids REAL good!

Very good post, and great comments.

Roll safe down there, Kiddo.

Mad Jack said...

Kind of hard on the mere civilian spectator, but I'm sure he'll get over it. The prostitots and the wanna-be bad guys, now, that's a bit different. Give 'em something they won't forget.

I hate smart mouth kids. I never did have the patience for 'em. That, and drunks. I don't deal well with drunks either.

Reminds me of Migraine One's teenage daughter, who at 16 got herself arrested and tossed into juvvie. She's driving a car load to the fast food drive through, and there was a traffic accident in the parking lot, along with a fist fight. The officers were getting everything sorted out, and one of them directed Miss Smart Mouth to 'just pull over there and park'. Her response?

"You can't tell ME what to do."

So... they find an open bottle of wine in the car, she blows dirty, she goes to juvvie (You can't arrest me!) and five somewhat tearful little accomplices get to call Mommy and Daddy to come get them. The car got impounded.

Serves her right.

Cheryl said...

Let's hear a resounding "that-a-way!" for your TTS. I don't think being overly PC to kids that are being idiots is sending a clear message to them. The fact you didn't bitch slap them makes me consider you the epitome of professionalism. This is why I could never be a cop. I hate smart mouth, disrespectful kiddos. I would want to do worse than you did and then go after their mother with my bad mouth spewing judgement laced rants.