Evidence 101

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Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Useless As A Bag of Dicks

We have gotten so mean



In case you were wondering...this is the Boogie Man focus today...to flush out the meanness and expose it like a naked old lady in front of the courthouse. If you think this sounds a little harsh, read on.

I must also give an introduction that I believe there is much buffoonery afoot in our political system including acts by the presidents. These are normal in all political arenas even if you might think they are extraordinary. Apparently, you don't pay attention. While I will agree that some things are more extreme or deviate from the norm than others...politicians come with many faults and personality quirks. They are just observations on my part which do not align with things I agree with but it should be noted it is just my opinion. It doesn't mean I am going to start labeling people or starting things on fire nor retreating to my safe space. I still am an avid conservative and have faith in our system.

                 But first...a word from our sponsors...

Today's post is brought to you by underscoring, critical thinking, the color 7, and spring blossoms. 

Weather report: I am praying the show of bulbs really does happen and Mother Nature doesn't freeze their balls off. Right now it is freaking cold outside because winter is here for a day and then back up to 60s and 70s. WTF? Over.

Expert introduction: Fargo, unknown blogger of The Boogie Man Is My Friend, is today's jack of all trades, master of none. She has graciously accepted the invitation to talk to us about some humanitarian issues, politics, and worldly views. Yes, now is your chance to click off. You might think Fargo has fallen off the train of funny farm candidates choo chooing their way to the asylum after reading today's post.

And now without further ado about nothing...heeeerrrreeeee's Fargo!


"Thank you, Guy! I love your tie, by the way. You look very patriotic today."

"Why, thank you, Miss Fargo."

"Oh, please no formalities. Call me by my first name."

" Ok. Miss."

"Uh. No, Guy. 'Miss' is the prefix. Fargo is my name."

"Oh. Oh good. I thought that was weird. Carry on, Fargo."

"Good day to you all! I hope the sun is shining on you today and all that other zen crap. Peace. So, today I am proposing a totally new and different look at things. What things? Many things. Stick around. You might find this interesting, boring, or falling in the 'I don't give a shit' category. You can respond accordingly afterwards when we take questions from the audience. My dad often said, 'Who GAS?' Translated, this is a nice way of saying, 'Who Gives A Shit?' Get it? Got it? Good.

I just want to you to think about some of the underlying things I present today. I'm not saying this perspective is right or wrong. Truthfully (that is a sign of a lie about to come out), it might all be fucked up for all I know. I just thought about it and decided to go around the globe and speak about it. I am just throwing it to the wall like spaghetti in hopes that some of it might stick. That means the spaghetti is done, by the way. Free cooking tips are always appreciated, right?"

Ok. Intermission, folks. I need some coffee."

[pause for coffee break]

Fargo returns with a second outfit and new hair do. 

"Hello again! So about all this meanness. First, I want to say that I don't care if you like, dislike, or even hate President Trump or anyone else I am about to talk about. I am going to talk about what is happening to people and break things down a bit. Have you heard or even said yourself that Trump is mentally disabled or has a literacy problem, etc. and so forth? Who here expects our president to be top notch and super smart wonder brainy and all that?"


*crickets*

"Come on, mother fuckers! Are you alive? Pinch your neighbor."

[screams and moans and many "ouches"]

"See what I did there? You guys are all mean. So anyway. Back to our scheduled program. So what if our president has a learning disability or a literacy problem. What should we say about that? Isn't that sad, right? We have failed one of our citizens or perhaps the result is the best he can do and has come a long way. Does it prevent him from doing a job? No. Why not? Because he has support. That's what our country is about. Albeit it would be nice if the support were not a bunch of assholes and underminers. But hey, dicks can have jobs too. America is all inclusive.

But why do we think we are so perfect? That's right...little ol' us out here in the boonies of society. Do we expect a president to be perfect or represent us in truthful and pure demographic representation? Are we so snobby that we are going to exclude handicaps, disabilities, and imperfections in our leaders? What about Temple Grandin? What about Stephen Hawking? Huh? What about Einstein? We are pathetic hypocrites, aren't we?

Some say Trump is going all willy nilly with orders and rules and blah blah blah. Well, he, like many feel our country has become disorder and he is trying to scrape by what he thinks will help. Possibly. Anyway that is a theory or what we gather from what he says. Sure. There is always some personal agenda in politics. Duh. Is he different from other politicians? Aren't they all the same? Oh and yes, he has now become a politician by the way. He is in office, thus dubbed thee.

About the uproar in executive orders, persuasions, and ruling thoughts. I use ruling lightly, btws. But you forget we have checks and balances. And boy howdy...are we using them.

Sawright! That's what the system was designed for...keeping all branches in line. Think of it as an insurance policy. Hey, we impeached Nixon, right? And when he got old, people loved him again. Crazy turn of events. Is that forgiveness or memory loss? I'm not sure.

Now, I am going to take some sips of coffee and I recommend you do too. Heck, I'm going to get my last costume change on which represents Americans. Be right back!"

[exits stage left]

Fargo returns or we think it is Fargo. 

"Howdy! Yep. This is me, representing America. One of you motherfuckers is going to call me out on my color and ask why I didn't choose a different color and why am I highlighting green. Well, two things here. First, Oscar the Grouch is fucking green. The fucking Sesame Street god made him that way. Second, if you mix all the colors of the world up in one melting pot...you get this puke green color. So there. I am inclusive of all. Shut the fuck up.

Why are we so judgy? So perfect? So critical of every little thing. I'm like relax, relax. You gotta be wearing down that ticker being so wound up. Can't we have any fun anymore? Are we so high and mighty that we can't accept each other's faults? What the fuck happened to June and Ward? What about the Partridge family and the Brady Bunch? The Jeffersons? Sanford and son? And so forth. Didn't you learn any lessons? Friends? The Andy Griffith show? Clifford the Red Dog. Sally and Spot. The Velveteen Rabbit. Come on. Even though some of those shows would not be accepted today, they had good lessons. The books were awesome. Books are knowledge. Books are power. Read more. Go books! Don't put them in my house (points to garbage can.)

No. Random House did not pay me to say that. Let's shift to some more political mumbo jumbo mixed with a little sociology and morality and yada, yada. Have you noticed this presentation is all over the place with no organizational thought? Yeah. Shad up!

Here's a thing...if someone has a learning disability or mentally or physically handicapped...why can't they be president? Or any big shot? Eek! You say and gasp with disbelief. Think about it. Are we being a bunch of assholes? Of course, there is some competency needed. Duh. But so what if Trump can't read and write very well? So what if he has some narcissism? Should all that be an exclusion? You decide. I think we have become big assholes about something and expect purism.

Moving on to free speech. When did we decide that free speech is only if it aligns with a certain viewpoint. All others will be quashed with violence, noise, disruption, etc. Thus, creating a censorship. In turn...that is really no free speech. You really are censoring things when you shut things down or cause someone to cancel a speaking event or prevent passage. This goes for Trump, too. He just says it rather than burn you to the ground if you don't listen.

You are limiting what people can say and do on television and radio and in person. Yes, of course, we have some standards. But mostly anything goes these days. Look at me. I say bad words and I am entirely inappropriate. If you don't like it, don't listen. Walk away. Click off. Don't sit there and click on it because views equals money. Sure, you can speak out, but when extremism rules over some type of diplomatic or at least discernible communication and free speeches, then we really don't need the stinkin' Bill of Rights, correct?

When you flop around like a fish out of water in front of something because you don't like it or walk around with a vagina on your head, I can't respect you. You are an idiot. I'm sorry. I just think there is a time to be cute and a time to really be adult about things. I still believe in contacting our representatives, commenting on social media, petitions, peaceful protesting, even organized speaking events or platforms. I can't support all this nonsense I see nor the censoring of the language. Shit. We are so afraid to say anything about anything because it might offend someone. Well, fuck off!

I'm sure that offended my mother in the least.

We dwell too long on stupid things. I don't like Trump's Tweets. But he has free speech rights just like my neighbor. I just wish he would choose wiser when to use them. People are shouting to take Twitter away. He shuts out media. He tells people they are fake or fake news. So what? I get sick of it. I agree he needs to grow up and act like an adult. If you don't focus on it, maybe it will subside. Don't feed the fire. But neither he nor should you or I try to shut people down. It's censorship. It is squashing rights.Something for all of us to remember when we get up in arms.

I didn't like how he treated Merkel. It was awkward and unfriendly appearing. Well, not every meeting with any president of any generation is all perfect. Let it go. Move on. You criticized, we saw. Next!

Another point...so what if Trump brings his daughter into the White House? He's the fucking president. I happen to like her better than him. So what if it is unprecedented? Are we stuck in the same wheels of thinking that we can't look at something different or something new? If it doesn't work, don't you think it will be corrected? Fuck. I think I just want to shake people. And actually, who can the poor motherfucker trust these days anyway? And those of you who make fun of it being some sick sexual relationship...fucking shame on you. Incestuous relationships and molestation are no laughing matter. Fuckers. Grow the fuck up. You can make a lot of jokes, but that is some sick ass shit.

Of course all of their vacations and place of residency is also under contention. I don't fucking care. Should I? I don't know. They can just go print more money. Come on. I'm kidding. Trump has a big family which equals a big price tag. Down the road there might be a president with more expenses and more family. Here's another thing...inflation. Today's cost don't match yesterdays or tomorrows. So what is the value? I don't know. The Kennedys were lavish vacationers and probably in that day they spent wads. Well, he got killed, so didn't we do a fancy job? Can we stop fucking making it headline fucking news. I'm about to put Donald and company in the Mount Rushmore heads so his location isn't always advertised to the enemy.

I could go on about irresponsible media, but we don't need to. They do a great job of exposing their bullshitness all by themselves.

Continuing on down the road to nonsense. Let's talk about our colleges and universities. Somehow we have given too much power to these professors who now encourage unruly behavior, censorship, and abandon the fucking classroom to throw a tantrum and try to extinguish free speech somewhere. I fucking pay for my education you motherfuckers. I want you in the classroom. I want my degree. I don't want you to be a political embarrassment. Stay in your fucking lane. Oh and the greatest thing is they influence the students to join along with them. Meanwhile, I'm the only fucking student in the classroom showing up for my education. And this is tolerated? What the fuck is wrong with you people?

In closing, have we all forgotten where we come from and where we want to be? Have we forgotten the Golden Rule? I, personally, am sick of the lack of common sense and the meanness in people. It really makes me want to become a Viking and wield an ax around. If everyone else feels that way, then we might be at war soon. I will be ready. I will be shouting from my balcony-"you stupid motherfuckers....this is friendly fire...stop killing each other"-anyway, that was hypothetical. Be nice. Don't be a mean motherfucker. I wasn't raised that way. I have not raised my child that way.

I leave you with my biggest words of wisdom, 'Don't be as useless as a bag of dicks, you mother fuckers! Oh. And be kind.' "






5 comments:

Mad Jack said...

What the fuck happened to June and Ward?

Wally, Eddie and Lumpy went off to college at Kent State in Ohio. Lumpy flunked out in 1965, served three tours of duty in Vietnam, and now has a Vietnamese wife and three over achieving children. He acts like he's happy.

Eddie graduated with a bachelors degree in marketing, enlisted in the Navy, and after two years was discharged for conduct unbecoming an officer (General under Honorable). He is married to his third wife and is Vice President of Claims Adjustment for the Prudential Insurance Company.

Wally decided to remain at Kent State and pursue a doctorate in Clinical Psychology. Sadly and tragically, on May 4, 1970, Wally caught a 30 caliber ricochet in his frontal lobe and is now a ward of the State of Ohio. Former friends and family say he's happy.

Ward and June Cleaver divorced soon after an unfortunate incident involving Eddie Haskel and June Cleaver being caught in flagrante delicto in Ward's den. June now lives in an efficiency apartment in downtown Detroit; Ward's whereabouts are generally unknown, although it's supposed that he's living at home with his mother.

Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver came out of the closet in 1969. He's a successful commercial artist living in San Francisco, where he cohabited a modest home with his long-time boyhood chum, Gilbert Gates. Gilbert works as notable female impersonator Gee-Gee Dingbat and is active in the gay rights movement.

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
---Great intro...!
"The color 7"...:LMAO!
---AGREED on this dipshit, craptastic, can't make up it's damn mind weather! Roger THAT!
---I think we covered that shit category well on my comments today...HA!
BTW...love that "who GAS" thing.
---Pinched myself...we're alive here.
---"Dicks can have jobs too". Sister, you HAVEN'T been to MY part of the ghettohood, have you?
---We're not ALL hypocrites...just the ones that say one thing and do another, kapeesh?
---You got a good take on the gov't gig, too. Well said.
---EXCELLENT call on free speech!!!
---Yes, we (as a society) dwell on the STUPID and all but ignore the IMPORTANT.
---You nailed the TEN RING on higher education as well (shame it's now filtered down to elementary ed., too)

That was one HELLUVA post, Kiddo. I could swear ('cause I know all the words) that I might have written this myself, but I DO know better.
((Rule #1 - never mess with Fargo!))

Keep on keeping it REAL.
And always roll safe down there, dear.

Old NFO said...

I can't out do MJ or Bob, so I'll just agree with both of them... 'I' am still polite until you do otherwise, then all bets are off... sigh

MrGarabaldi said...

Hey Momma Fargo;

Like Old NFO said "I can't top that", to paraphrase MC Hammer. I am polite to everyone until it becomes time to be come unpolite. Very good post btw.

Cheryl said...

That is one AWESOME post. Seriously couldn't of written it better myself....but then I never could write anything better than you.

I, too am a conservative that relies on checks and balance to keep us out of the gutter. Still it seems we are routinely heading there.
Yes, Trump seems to struggle with being articulate and saying he has "some" narcissism is like saying there is "some" THC in Whoopie Goldburg's urine. You are such a kind person.

As for free speech...I love that there are so many people screaming in our faces about their rights to free speech but the minute someone challenges their point of view, they are pretty quick to tell the opposition to shut the fuck up. It's not PC to be anything less that open to every liberal concept. I want people to respect that EVERYONE has the right to free speech just not their group's ideology.

Your point about Nixon....What is it about the rotating door of acceptance or admiration? One day someone can be total shit but if they happen to get really old or die then they become beloved or at least revered again. I guess it's not the worst thing to let bygones be bygones, but it is rather interesting how often we see it happen. Seems the best way to be beloved is to make it to old age or die...take your pick.

Maybe this means I will like Trump more in 20 years or so when he's a really old man.

Just LOVE your sense of humor and your keen grasp of the world's muck. BTW..I don't find your language at all offensive. I think of it adding emphasis and clarity to your topics.