Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Sexual Violence and Books...What the Erpie Derp?

Howdy! We are brought to you today by peas and carrots...

I am drowning in college finals and projects if anyone cares. I don't read the materials all the way and mostly skim them. Most of the time, anyway. It's a lot of text. I can't read past 10 words without falling asleep. I mean, who writes these textbooks anyway? Oh. The instructors. So boring. I write a lot of window dressing in my papers, otherwise known as bullshit. I do take my research projects seriously, however. I'm pretty exhausted. It is easier being a cop.

Yep. That's my comparison.

This is how I roll in college. 

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and the month is coming to an end. Please don't stop the good fight to reduce sexual violence.

 (Fargo going off the rails here)

I mean, if you choose to engage in violent sex like S & M, then that is your choice but don't force it on others. That's what I'm saying.

(back on the rails)

Anyway, I wrote a pretty bold ditty about rape culture here.   

(back off the rails)

Pass me around on Twitter and Facebook and share me like a Thursday hooker. 

I don't think that is probably very appropriate verbage near the topic, but I'm a funny person, but serious about reducing sexual violence. Make sense? Kapeesh? Kapeesh.

(derailed the train)

On the home front, Gotham City is suffering greatly and my old CPD is in turmoil. 🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀You can google it or read about it everywhere because it is just sad. I might have some things to say about that later. But for now, I'm studying, studying, studying...

I'm kind of a little pscyho about getting A's. I am making up for my undergrad which was horrific and boozy in nature. I think I partied my way to a degree at UW. No, I'm pretty sure I did.

Anyperfectionistproblems, here I sit. And wait. Group presentation today. I'm going to wing it. Why? Because I do.

Luckily, I have a mouth and I can just get up in front of people and roll some bs off my tongue and my instructor will be like...

Bravo. And I will smile and say thank you. In my mind, I will think...whew...another day another good day of coming up with some fluff to impress the teacher. I got this.

I think.

Please God, it's me Fargo. Please let me get A's. 🙌🙏

Friday, April 21, 2017

Sometimes You Just Get A Bag Of Dicks

Sometimes police work isn't fire, death, and roses or even adrenaline rushes. Most of the time it is filled with random or strange calls to service. 

Once in a while you get a stinker of a dead body. Boy, those sure make your day go to hell in a hand basket. I guess that is what makes the job so much fun. No one wants the buzzer on the hot potato game, right? Bonk! You get the dead body, Fargo. 

Actually, that's the great thing about being an ev tech. Sorry, dudes! I gotta take pictures and log evidence. I can't help you haul that guy outta here. I have a really bad gag reflex and luckily most of the guys were super accommodating to me. I lurved their kindness. Truly. I didn't want to ever embarrass myself in front of a family. 

But there are days where shit happens. I suppose you think this post is going to be about a cool homicide or a really old stinky dead body. Nope. Not at all. It's about the random bag of dicks you get thrown sometimes. 

But a lot of patrol can be boring. Or humdrum. That's OK too. You need it to break up the great stuff. Even though you have to right mundane reports on the stuff, you never know what you are going to get...

My first day back was not unusual. After being filled in from the crew that I missed an exciting arson, assaults, a fatality or two...a rapist...and more calls on the board than cops available...I was sure to have an exciting first day.
Yep. My day was as weird and creepy as this hippo cat.

The first call as darkness fell was a possible residential burglary in progress.SUPER! Let's go get those bastards!

I got to the scene and blacked out. I was informed the reporting neighbor would meet me halfway down the street. As I approached the area on foot, I saw....


...a short balding hairy Italian man in thin boxers with the hatch flopping open exposing Mr. Wanky. I mean, seriously? When, in his infinite wisdom, did this man think that was a good idea?

After being traumatized by a one eyed snake, the call turned out to be-you guessed it- BOGUS.

Next we received a call from another jurisdiction on a possible domestic hostage situation. BONUS! Let's go!

Finding the address where "Mr. Psycho ex-cop" may be holding his wife hostage was a crap shoot. We had to ping phones, comb old computer records, and link associates. It was more work trying to locate the crime scene than anything. On the third address to check, I was greeted by a very drunk man answering the door.


It was a hairy Cajun man holding a pillow on Mr. Wanky. If that wasn't bad enough, sometimes when he laughed, he would use the pillow to cover his face. I would holler out "WHOA!! WHOA! PILLOW! PILLOW!" And he would smile with embarrassment and say, "OH, sorry, Ma'am."

His situation was a little more understandable because he answered the door in the early morning hours and grabbed the first article of concealment he could muster. But still, why me? He was only a new tenant living at an old known address where the suspect used to reside. He had no information.

Later, when we found the subjects, the call turned out to be-you guessed it-BOGUS!

The entire night, was turning out to be very disappointing until we had a drive by gang shootout. BONUS! Let's go!

While going to that call, I was diverted to a strange drunk man who turned up at a neighboring house.  Come on, dispatch. I want to go to the fire! But I did as I was told. Sometimes we override them, but this was a case where enough were going to the big tire fire, so to speak, so I could go to the weenie roast. As I was directed to the people's living area, I saw a very intoxicated Native American man in shorts with Mr. Wanky peeping out. Literally, a weenie roast.


In his act of desperation in getting away from his assailant, this man ran to a nearby residence. He was a victim/suspect who appeared on the front steps of this home. You may only understand what a victim/suspect is if you are a cop. Think about it. It is exactly what it sounds like it means.

It turns out the call wasn't related to the shooting and he and his wife beat the tar out of each other at a nearby house. This was a night she won. He was the loser. In many different ways, that is.

The night drudged on with boring calls and periods of silence.

To my dismay, the entire night was filled with a bunch of weenies.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Summer Pool, Schweaty Balls, and Other Flavors

Captain's Log:


Current status: Frazzled from Grad School Meteor Shower

Navigational readings: Dazed and confused

Ship's course: Steadfast ahead

I think Oliver is feeling the effects as well.

So, meanwhile, I will be starting another research project, working on a final exam essay response paper, a group project, and discussion boards. Is there enough Advil and wine in this world? Just kidding. I don't write my papers under the influence.

However...here is a blast from the past about the first time bath salts started to float our way into Gotham City...

Interesting topics always pop up in briefing. For instance...we all discussed the latest craze that started with teenagers experimenting. 

And where they come up with this stuff is beyond me...but yet another product on the market that we will probably end up regulating. 

Can't anyone just use the products the way they were made and intended?

LT. KANOOK: Everyone knows of the newest thing where they are smoking the bath salts?

OFFICER BIG CHEESE: Yeah. Everyone should know they are smoking these bath salts, hallucinate like LSD, then do something crazy..usually driving into a house or something.

ME: So...I bet we can guess what the best flavor is for the biggest high.

OFFICER SAVVY: Cucumber melon?

OFFICER SHINY KEYS: I'm liking musk...no wait....sandalwood.

ME: Jasmine moonlight

CAPTAIN: Ocean breeze.

ME: Yeah. Ocean breeze has to give you the biggest high. It sounds like its from California.


THE ENGLISH: Bacon. Bacon flavor.

ME: Would that be a pun on cops? I think bacon flavor would totally be ironic.  What about Schweaty Balls? 


ME: What about "Boob Schweat"? "Dirty Money?"

OFFICER SHINY KEYS: Hey, Big Cheese, does it show up what flavor on the test? [laughs]

OFFICER SAVVY: Yeah...what color is their tongue...does that show what flavor?

ME: I wonder if we can tell if it is "Wet Dog" or "Sorority House Rose" or "Yankee My Wankee" or "Blueberry Bromance" and stuff. 

[laughs from the team]

BIG CHEESE: You guys are so funny. This is serious stuff.

LT. KANOOK: No seriously. It's like an epidemic with kids now. You guys need to be aware of this and take it very seriously. Call Big Cheese if you need some assistance. He was informed on the last conference and we have been seeing a lot of here already. 

ME: Yeah. Make them breathe on you so you know if you are dealing with quality brands or generic flavors. It could make a difference in their highs. 


OFFICER SHINY KEYS: "Oh, yeah, officer...I forgot to tell you my dealer's name is Bed, Bath, and Beyond."

Yes, we amuse ourselves. 

Friday, April 7, 2017

Momster Chronicles #450984

Good morning! May you have a peaceful day full of awesome sauce! In the sweetness of friendship, let us share light, happiness, and exchange pleasures. And you, sir, are still going to be ugly in the afternoon when I am sober. Just kidding. I'm sober now.

I bet you didn't know that I just globbed a bunch of brainy quotes together for that compilation of hogwash. Well, it isn't all hogwash. I do wish good things upon all of you.

To lighten our spirits, I must share some great parenting skills. Being a cop has many advantages in parenthood. There are obvious reasons, but the best is my art of interrogation skills. The kid doesn't even know what hits her..

"Mom, I have done something that you don't know. I am not going to tell you. It's a secret that some of my friends know."

"Did you have sex?"

"What! No! I am not that kind of girl! You should be proud to have me. I have told everyone I wear a purity ring and I mean it."

"Well, that's good. I'm proud of you. I'm not ready to be a grandma. And don't ask me to take car of your kid, er..my grandchild. I am too busy trying to life myself, let alone life for you. Did you decide to go to first base?"

"Kissing? I have done that. You know. I told you."

"No, the boobs."

"Ew. Gross, mom! No! Everyone in my school knows not to touch me."

"Wow. That might be seen as a challenge to some or a lifelong spinster sentence, and maybe to the good boys...a deterrent." 


"Never mind. Are you going to tell me you use tampons now?"

"Ugh! Mom, you know I tried them and I didn't like them. I use pads. What do I always tell you to buy at the store? Pads."

"You better not have tried pot. Have you been hanging out with potheads?"

"Mom! I don't do drugs and you know it! My friends don't either. We don't talk to those kids."

"Some kids peddle scripts to get you started on something and that is the big thing now."

"You are making me mad! I can't believe you think I would do drugs."

"Well, I know you have drank alcohol."

"That was in front of you. You gave it to me to try and I spit it out. It is nasty!"

"Well, how do I know you didn't acquire the taste or go to a party and start drinking."

"Mom. It is gross. I don't even drink pop."


"I caught you that one day you stole the car."

"I didn't steal the car. I drove it when you were gone and parked in the garage to clean it. "

"Still. That's very bad. You don't have a license."

"I have a permit."

"Not the same. End of discussion. No more of that because you will be only riding a bicycle if you break more car rules. Stealing cars is the gateway crime to robbing banks and homicide sprees. So if you are thinking about having sex, you can talk to me."

"Mom! I am not doing sex. I am waiting for marriage."

"Well, maybe we should talk about your school stuff."

"What about it? I have all my homework done."

"Well, don't be cheating on an exam for school or helping anyone cheat. You have to keep your grades up for your scholarship. And cheating will get you no where fast. It's  like worse than being Satan. Colleges won't look at you. You might be able to get a job at Burger King, though."

"Mom, I am an overachiever and I only do it myself and you know that! Stop saying bad stuff about me! It's making me mad!"

"Well, I just worry about you. I don't want you to get arrested or in trouble at school. Have you robbed a bank lately?"

"Mom! My parents are cops! I can't do anything wrong because you will know. Then my head will be through a sheet rock wall as you say."

"No. That's what I said about my childhood if I got in big trouble. But, I might repeat history if you are naughty. Genes and all. So what was it you wanted to keep secret from me?"

"Mom! I'm not going to tell you."

"Did you kill someone?"

"I am a very moral person. You don't even know your own daughter. I am done! You don't get me! I am going to go do some homework. You better learn that you are lucky to have me as a daughter. I could be a rotten kid. They are out there, you know."

[stomp, stomp]

So I called after her as she stomped away, "I don't think it is really that nefarious of a secret since I just used a process of elimination..."

I got no response.

See what I did there.

My daughter has never tried drugs nor had sex. She is still wearing her purity ring. She hasn't even gotten to the touchy stuff. In fact, I would say she is a big chicken shit when it comes to breaking norms or moral codes. She isn't using tampons which I wouldn't care if she was. She is not cheating or helping anyone cheat. She is not doing crime. She is not drinking alcohol. Although she felt guilty about moving the car without my permission, she learned her lesson.

I feel pretty good.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Nerdly Thinktank Reports


What does it mean to you? Score? Baubles in my pocket? Change in my pants?

Let's get our nerd on.

I used to read so intently when I was young because I loved the fantasy and inserting myself into the story. Who didn't?

No, I did not read porn books. I have. But I don't. For some reason I could never get into them because I thought they were corny. For instance, how can you get all hot and bothered from "Finn put his sword in her warm, moist shaft." Ew. I used the word moist. (giggle) Maybe "wet" would have been a better word choice. It was just an example. See. I would totally suck at writing romance novels.

(giggle) She used the word "suck."

So it does nothing for me, you see.

I always liked "other" books and totally skipped the romance section. That might be why I have such personal relationship issues. I don't know. It's worth contemplating. Perhaps there is research on that.

It brings me to another phenomena in the book industry. Why do we call it a blow job when you actually suck and lick? I don't get it.
Think about it, bitches. You could be Lagertha. 

Ladies and gentlemen,

Try blowing on a dick and see where that gets you. I dare you. 

I would really think it might ruin some sort of climatic moment. Just a thought. But the research of the whole idea might be amusing.

Words are so funny, aren't they?

They can be a sword to your heart, or a ping in your groin.

I still read a lot and most of late it has been text books. This poses a problem of no stimulation. Mostly boredom.
I love to read. I can't understand nor comprehend those who either don't like to read or really hate to read. I try to understand, but I can't. I might be able to understand somewhat if a person has difficulties or disabilities with reading and writing. In which case, my heart bleeds for that. I think it should be something for all and those who have challenges, should be helped. If a person chooses not to, then that is their choice, but the opportunities should be abundant.

And if you liked to read, you can read porn in secret and not have it blast throughout the house on television where your significant other might catch you. You could even go be the Master Baiter of your domain in a small space without cords.

Sex drives the world you know. It sells shit. It makes us like shit. It makes us do bad shit. It makes us demand shit we probably should not demand. It makes us want shit we can't have. It makes us spend money on it. It makes us interested in shit. It gives us ultimate pleasure. Sometimes it gives us cramps.

Really it drags us around by the nose.

Think about it. No, don't. You pervert.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

NOT The Most Embarrassing Moment In Cop Work

Man, that was too heavy of a post last time. Fuck that shit. That's what happens when I get too deep in the internet with news and conspiracy theorists. My cop brain starts acting like it's on full dumb shit mode. Or maybe the NSA paid me to say that.

Let's lighten the load. It's pretty dark and drizzly in some neighborhoods right now, including my old one and bless their hearts.

So to preface this day and these situations, at one time when our teams were operating with one sergeant, they appointed a veteran officer whom they trusted to run the shift. That so called person for a time on my shift was me. I would like to think I made my sergeant look good by making sound decisions and not fucking up the place. And yeah, I probably wasn't favored by all because I was a girl with a brash attitude. But I tried to be fair and rule with emotional intelligence. If they didn't like me, well fuck them. Not really, but it sounded tough. I think it went all good back then. If I had discord, it was silent. I would have addressed problems. 

Anyway, back to the way I represented the Sarg: I also liked to say things which made him golden in the eyes of the upper echelon. My Sarg is now a lieutenant and the lieutenant became captain and the captain became chief and is now on the city council. I was always and remain to be me. 😂

Take things as they are inside a police organization where you defend the citizens with your life and back each brother or sister in blue in all circumstances of danger. The police brotherhood is often fun and a positive police culture develops a lot of smart asses. I might have been one of those. 😎

I was in charge again. The Sarg was away...the mice will play...or something. I always have to make the Sarg proud when he is gone. That way the Captain welcomes him back with open arms. Sarg always tells me that the Captain gets mad at him when he is absent for vacation, training, sick, whatever. Sarg mentioned he doesn't understand why the captain gets so bent out of shape. Hmm. I wonder. Yeah. I have no idea. 😄
I'm in charge, bitches!

So, I was conducting briefing,advising the troops about all the chaos running amok in the city, what to be on the look out for, blah, blah. Then it was the Captain's turn to speak. He went over budget concerns.

CAPTAIN: We are cutting back 4 police officer positions, several thousand dollars in other funds, some civilian positions. All jobs will be lost through attrition. No one is getting a raise this year and health insurance is probably going to increase by 30%.

TROOPS: [moans, groans, bitching]

CAPTAIN: I do have some good news about our fleet, however. Apparently, Ford is discontinuing the Crown Vic package. They are going to a Taurus package. I'm not too keen on the Taurus. We had them before and they sucked. But I ordered the new all wheel drive Dodge Chargers. They go real, real fast.

TROOPS: [cheshire grins]

CAPTAIN: And I worry about some of you people tearing them up when you drive off road or not where you are supposed to go with a car. [turns to me]

ME: What? I have to save people.

CAPTAIN: [rolls eyes at me] So, the new Chargers will have the new paint job and we will slowly replace all the Crown Vics over time. Just don't fuck it up.

ME: Awesome. It's all about looks. We are going to look smoking hot. [cheshire grin]
Yep, I'm driving a new modified muscle car. 

CAPTAIN: * blink* blink*

ME: What? No one's going to mess with me when I come out of a Charger. Badass bitch coming out of a badass car.

TROOPS: [cheshire grins]

LIEU: [giggle]

CAPTAIN: * blink* blink*

ME: What?

CAPTAIN:  We're going to get a lot of complaints from the public. Apparently, the all wheel drive models only come with a tricked out interior and leather seats. I had to have IT design a new console to get the computers and other radio gear in there. And they only come with a console shifter...no gears on the dash.

ME: That's super! Awesome! I am going to look so cool. We can just tell the public the seats are PLEATHER.

CAPTAIN: *blink* blink*

ME: What?

CAPTAIN: We also have to be careful with the leather seats. They will probably last longer than the other kind as long as our gear doesn't cut them up.

ME: And don't drive naked because your ass cheeks will stick to the seats. [cheshire grin]

LIEU: [giggle]

CAPTAIN: *blink* blink*

CAPTAIN: I also ordered Tahoes so that every cop has 4-wheel drive on their shift in the winter, combined with the sergeant's Durangos. We should have 4-wheel drive for everyone. And we have to take care of them because the city manager told me to never ask for those again. But I had to show him why we need 4-wheel drive in the winter. And we are going to equip them with evidence equipment, shields, and extra gear. So, whoever drives them will be in order of priority...evidence technicians or whoever has it will have to respond with the gear to special calls.

ME: Well, you could have just ordered magnetic 911 signs to go on our personal trucks for winter to save money.

LIEU: Yeah, pay us government mileage [giggle]

CAPTAIN: * blink* blink*

ME: I would have to say I would get to calls a lot slower in my personal vehicle than if I was driving my police cruiser, tho.

CAPTAIN: Pray tell, why is that?

ME: 'Cuz I wouldn't drive my personal vehicle like I stole it...like I do my g-ride.

CAPTAIN: [hangs his head in shame]You are going to be the death of me.

I later found many uses for them such as a great way to haul some evidence: 

While it is true, I got chewed out over this, it served the purpose needed on this date and time. I think the lieutenant was more worried about it being on the internet or a YouTube sensation. No worries. That would NEVER happen.

And yes, I would have done it again if need be. 

Later, the captain, now city council member, would say the purchase of the Dodge Chargers proved to be an error due to their expense. I would beg to differ. I think they were splendid. So what if they cost the city money? They were awesome, cool, safe, and very, very fun. Oh, and fast. I liked fast. 

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Tune Into To SKN

For all I know, this could be a fucking raven.
Pinterest doesn't know the difference.

What I find interesting today is there are a lot of crow festivals going on out there. 

Kackaw! Kackaw! 

It must be served up for every meal lately with a little garnish of parsley. I wonder if the feathers were plucked off well before dining commenced. And how about that side dish of crickets? 

What, Fargo, do you mean by that? 

Well, it seems the Susan Rice escapades have silenced a lot of media and the shift toward really grasping for fact finding is starting to turn. Perhaps. Don't count your eggs yet. 

I still think of everything as skewed news. SKN. "Skin" for fun. Skewed News. That's kind of catchy but it sounds like a porn channel. 

But has she really done this? Is it fake news? The left seems to say so. What about the emails and spreadsheets released about it with her name on it? Oh, silly Fargo, those can be faked. Someone had to get thrown under the bus, right? Whatever. I think Nunes went the route he did because if he went straight to the committee first, they would have silenced him. So he plays stupid befuddling politician and says, "oops sorry, I skipped step B accidentally." He apologizes for his misstep in reporting processes. Whatever. He did that so he wouldn't get thrown under the political bus. The bus is rolling and runs over a lot of people who don't conform. At least that is my theory. I don't really know for sure. I don't even know the guy. 

Mainstream media were slowing their roll and didn't really seem too enthusiastic to expose the news blast of Susan Rice's "unmasking" scandal. 

Whatever happened to all of us just watching and reading and absorbing but remaining silent until all the facts come out. Wait. We would be skeletons if we waited that long because we will never get all the facts.

Do I think the government officials and politicians do some dirty, underhanded things? Duh. That is a no brainer. 

Oh no! Have the American peeps been led astray and lied to by politicians? Tell me it isn't so. Who do we trust? Pffst. No one. Learn the rules of cop 101. Don't live in a fog. But don't live too far in the paranoid jungle either. 

For so many years now, the media outlets have been sensationalized, skewed one way or another (yes-left and right), and purporting some agenda that they seek. No one cares! Isn't that astonishing? 

I do, but no one cares about that either and certainly dismiss what I think. What happened to reliable news sources and integrity and the truth by reporting both sides? I think it went out the window when we hit moral bankruptcy. I don't know if we ever had truthful news but it was better than what we see now. It really is sad that journalism is thought of as a watchdog, a checks and balances to the government, but now has been played. I think sometimes that shit is spoon fed to us like sugar is our American fat crack.

Funny. I find all this funny. Not as in "funny haha" nor "funny odd" but "funny ironic."

I've been complaining about biased news for years. We long for real news about facts from both sides, not propaganda. So now we all have to question what is real or thought to be real and what is the bait put in front of us as a nation. 

Oh, you are just a paranoid former cop, Fargo. 

Maybe so. 

But I also like to the be the sheep at the end of the herd so when the first batch goes off the cliff, I have time to change my direction before I become some slaughtered lamb. 

I think if you took a news article and circled every fourth or fifth word and then wrote a sentence with it then combined it with another news source article conducted in the same way, you might start to find some factual basis. It's like the DaVinci code only not as cool. 

Is it binary code?

Who are we all kidding? We love conspiracies! They are so fascinating! It's like a mystery puzzle or something. Ok. It IS a mystery puzzle. We are all shitty sleuths. Say that three times fast.

What if the press has been sending us code all these years and we didn't know it? 

I kill myself. I know. I'm the only one giggling at my warped humor because none of this is really funny. I loved Clint Eastwood's famous liner that " President Obama is the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people."

Sure, I know Clint was a short lived politician and he is a world famous actor. He is pretty smart and a great film maker. I think he also might have some foresight into some things. Maybe I'm going a little too far. Does this mean I think Trump is perfect? Hell no. 

But I think they underestimated him when they treated him like a stooge. 

Hey, look. I want all our American presidents to succeed. 

It's our country for Pete's sake. But I'm not following any leader into a dark tunnel without picking apart everything and taking a look for myself. I'm not hooked up to the plow. I certainly don't get pulled around by a leash. Or at least not in public. Bwahahaha! Ok. That was a bad S&M joke. Ew. 

I have never blindly followed nor 100% loved a president and all their actions. I have supported all of them and claimed them all as my president whether I liked them or not. But I don't think they come without flaws. I have never seen so many people blindly love any other president more than Obama or so many hate one as deeply as they do Trump. I think there was more love for Nixon. 

Even Kennedy wasn't loved as much as Obama and he was assassinated almost as if he were a martyr. Was it a conspiracy? Was it mob? Was it really a lone wolf? 

Well, I can tell you one thing about that whole incident. He was killed. 

The movies surrounding it are sure entertaining. I try not to get too deep into that but not discount everything. Does that make sense?

I worked in government long enough to know you can hear his and her stories and somewhere in the middle is the truth. You may never find the real truth. I believe the "Good Old Boy" network is the demise of any organizational harmony. Sure, there are alliances and divides in every establishment. However, when they start working to disarm an organizational purpose to promote greed or self-propel personal interests then you have lost sight of what you stand for. 

PUBLIC SERVICE, people. That's what government work is all about. 

You can tell the media is going down the tubes in credibility when they report #PenceRule is shameful. I would have the same rule if I were a politician so that no rumors or innuendos could be started about me. It's a scandal free idea. And who wouldn't want to dine with their spouse at dinner?  We are now making it a feminist movement and turned it into a piggist attack on woman type of ideal he has. What? I don't get it. Oh, that's right. If you are a Christian, you must be crazy to want to keep family values. Do we need shields and swords? Are the Pagans trying to annihilate Christians again? Vampires? Which is it? Is that all you can do to pick Mike Pence apart? I don't agree with all his policies. How about we cremate those? But is he bad because he is good?

Heavens to Murgatroyd! I sound like John Grisham. Maybe I should write conspiracy novels. I could call it, "A Tale of Two Crows" or "The Lone Sparrow Brief." 

I think I just went off the grid. My marbles are surely lost. I guess I can't play jacks anymore. 

Is everything a conspiracy? No. But the true facts are not always known to us either. Like ever. Even as a police officer I hold secrets I can't tell the public and would deflect the information if pressed. All organizations hold secrets. Remember that. 

So have we all lived a distorted view of history or airbrushed pictorials from what some small handful of officials want us to believe or know? Who knows? My life is pretty bliss, so I will take it. 

Thank you, Bob Ross. Happy birds. Pretty trees. Purple mountains.