Evidence 101

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Wednesday, April 5, 2017

NOT The Most Embarrassing Moment In Cop Work


Man, that was too heavy of a post last time. Fuck that shit. That's what happens when I get too deep in the internet with news and conspiracy theorists. My cop brain starts acting like it's on full dumb shit mode. Or maybe the NSA paid me to say that.

Let's lighten the load. It's pretty dark and drizzly in some neighborhoods right now, including my old one and bless their hearts.

So to preface this day and these situations, at one time when our teams were operating with one sergeant, they appointed a veteran officer whom they trusted to run the shift. That so called person for a time on my shift was me. I would like to think I made my sergeant look good by making sound decisions and not fucking up the place. And yeah, I probably wasn't favored by all because I was a girl with a brash attitude. But I tried to be fair and rule with emotional intelligence. If they didn't like me, well fuck them. Not really, but it sounded tough. I think it went all good back then. If I had discord, it was silent. I would have addressed problems. 

Anyway, back to the way I represented the Sarg: I also liked to say things which made him golden in the eyes of the upper echelon. My Sarg is now a lieutenant and the lieutenant became captain and the captain became chief and is now on the city council. I was always and remain to be me. 😂


Take things as they are inside a police organization where you defend the citizens with your life and back each brother or sister in blue in all circumstances of danger. The police brotherhood is often fun and a positive police culture develops a lot of smart asses. I might have been one of those. 😎


I was in charge again. The Sarg was away...the mice will play...or something. I always have to make the Sarg proud when he is gone. That way the Captain welcomes him back with open arms. Sarg always tells me that the Captain gets mad at him when he is absent for vacation, training, sick, whatever. Sarg mentioned he doesn't understand why the captain gets so bent out of shape. Hmm. I wonder. Yeah. I have no idea. 😄
I'm in charge, bitches!

So, I was conducting briefing,advising the troops about all the chaos running amok in the city, what to be on the look out for, blah, blah. Then it was the Captain's turn to speak. He went over budget concerns.

CAPTAIN: We are cutting back 4 police officer positions, several thousand dollars in other funds, some civilian positions. All jobs will be lost through attrition. No one is getting a raise this year and health insurance is probably going to increase by 30%.

TROOPS: [moans, groans, bitching]

CAPTAIN: I do have some good news about our fleet, however. Apparently, Ford is discontinuing the Crown Vic package. They are going to a Taurus package. I'm not too keen on the Taurus. We had them before and they sucked. But I ordered the new all wheel drive Dodge Chargers. They go real, real fast.

TROOPS: [cheshire grins]

CAPTAIN: And I worry about some of you people tearing them up when you drive off road or not where you are supposed to go with a car. [turns to me]

ME: What? I have to save people.

CAPTAIN: [rolls eyes at me] So, the new Chargers will have the new paint job and we will slowly replace all the Crown Vics over time. Just don't fuck it up.

ME: Awesome. It's all about looks. We are going to look smoking hot. [cheshire grin]
Yep, I'm driving a new modified muscle car. 


CAPTAIN: * blink* blink*

ME: What? No one's going to mess with me when I come out of a Charger. Badass bitch coming out of a badass car.

TROOPS: [cheshire grins]

LIEU: [giggle]

CAPTAIN: * blink* blink*

ME: What?

CAPTAIN:  We're going to get a lot of complaints from the public. Apparently, the all wheel drive models only come with a tricked out interior and leather seats. I had to have IT design a new console to get the computers and other radio gear in there. And they only come with a console shifter...no gears on the dash.

ME: That's super! Awesome! I am going to look so cool. We can just tell the public the seats are PLEATHER.

CAPTAIN: *blink* blink*

ME: What?

CAPTAIN: We also have to be careful with the leather seats. They will probably last longer than the other kind as long as our gear doesn't cut them up.

ME: And don't drive naked because your ass cheeks will stick to the seats. [cheshire grin]

LIEU: [giggle]

CAPTAIN: *blink* blink*



CAPTAIN: I also ordered Tahoes so that every cop has 4-wheel drive on their shift in the winter, combined with the sergeant's Durangos. We should have 4-wheel drive for everyone. And we have to take care of them because the city manager told me to never ask for those again. But I had to show him why we need 4-wheel drive in the winter. And we are going to equip them with evidence equipment, shields, and extra gear. So, whoever drives them will be in order of priority...evidence technicians or whoever has it will have to respond with the gear to special calls.

ME: Well, you could have just ordered magnetic 911 signs to go on our personal trucks for winter to save money.

LIEU: Yeah, pay us government mileage [giggle]

CAPTAIN: * blink* blink*

ME: I would have to say I would get to calls a lot slower in my personal vehicle than if I was driving my police cruiser, tho.

CAPTAIN: Pray tell, why is that?

ME: 'Cuz I wouldn't drive my personal vehicle like I stole it...like I do my g-ride.

CAPTAIN: [hangs his head in shame]You are going to be the death of me.

I later found many uses for them such as a great way to haul some evidence: 



While it is true, I got chewed out over this, it served the purpose needed on this date and time. I think the lieutenant was more worried about it being on the internet or a YouTube sensation. No worries. That would NEVER happen.

And yes, I would have done it again if need be. 

Later, the captain, now city council member, would say the purchase of the Dodge Chargers proved to be an error due to their expense. I would beg to differ. I think they were splendid. So what if they cost the city money? They were awesome, cool, safe, and very, very fun. Oh, and fast. I liked fast. 

10 comments:

Well Seasoned Fool said...

Did those Chargers last longer after you left the force?

Well Seasoned Fool said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Coffeypot said...

The cops I knew back on my old neighborhood didn't like the Charger. Their main complaint was too long a lag time going from D or R or R to D (when they had to turn around to chase a doughnut truck or speeder or some other bad guy. They said the bad guys had a better chance of getting away. Personally, for citizens safety, I wouldn't chase them. I would shoot them as they drove by.

Momma Fargo said...

WSF...probably. LMAO

Coffeypot...you had shitty drivers posing as cops. WTF, dude. Come on, now!

Old NFO said...

The Chargers were 'better' than the Intrepids, for versions of better... WAY too much throttle lag, lousy turning radius and dashboards falling off in officer's laps weren't/aren't good for morale...LOL

Cheryl said...

Too funny! I guess you didn't worry too much about the Crown Vics being hit in the ass and catching fire as you might of kept a good distance ahead of all the "slower" drivers.

Here it appears that most of the cop cars are SUVs. There are some sedans (mostly Fords) but I don't recall noticing any Chargers. Perhaps, our city wants to make mattress hauling easier by having full size SUVs.

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
Had a chance to ride in a "civvie" version of the new Charger...AWESOME pickup!
(reminded me of my old '75 Torino with that nice V8 under the hood.)
Not much into any FWD cruisers for police (Impala OR Taurus). Got a feeling they won't last AS long as the Crown Vics used to.
But an ALL-WHEEL drive Charger...had be the baddest ass in the department (goes with the lady wearing the shield behind the wheel)...right?

Good post.

ROll safe down there, Kiddo.

Momma Fargo said...

OldNFO...dashboards falling in laps? Good Lordt. I never had that happen.

Cheryl...SUVs are great for hauling evidence. We had a truck and a van but they were always busy. I had to improvise. LOL

Bob G...we should race some day.

WL Emery said...

How fast would the Charger go?

Momma Fargo said...

Very fast, Bill, but I would only go the speed limits. LMAO

I have floored one and the speedo goes to 160 so that is what I would guess. But if I were to say I would say I was blowing the cob webs out of it so it would run better.