Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...







Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Down At The Porn Shop

Check out the local news for the latest on the CPD shakeup. It's getting quite dramatic over there. 

Another night assigned to the ghetto. I think LIFE is just bliss. The encounters were "gihugenormous" fun as THE ROOK would say.


No sooner had we turned the corner of the PORN SHOP when we were flagged down. It just so happened to be to the parking lot of the PORN SHOP. There stood a man who resembled Carrot Top only without the fro. He was holding a hanger.

As I exited the patrol car, I tried to wipe off the smirk on my face with no avail. I think it is just natural to smirk when you arrive at a porn shop. The calls are always interesting and we proceed with caution. First rule of thumb-DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING. My rookie mostly remained silent. I could sense he was not too keen on being there or maybe he wasn't too keen on what we were going to have to do there.  Maybe it was just the idea of him being at the porn shop. It was dirty. Shame. Embarrassment. Some people frown upon those establishments. To me, it was pure entertainment. It was a time for him to observe his FTO.

ME: What can we help you with?

RED RIDER: Could you unlock my car?

ME: We aren't allowed to do that anymore. I'm sorry. Can I call a locksmith for you?

RED RIDER: Sure.

By now, he was shuffling his feet and a little embarrassed. We called for a locksmith real loud on the radio and made sure we announced the PORN SHOP on the radio rather than the street address for the troops to giggle about and get a little free entertainment.

ME: You aren't from around here?

RED RIDER: No. Live about 160 miles east.

ME: Heavens to Mergatroid! You drove 160 miles to go to the PORN SHOP?
[
RED RIDER: No. I came here for counseling.

ME: Most people just say it like it is. Down here in the hood, no one cares you go to the PORN SHOP. You sure don't have to refer to it as "counseling."

RED RIDER: No. I mean real counseling.

ME: Yeah. What I'm sayin'.

PUNKY BREWSTER: [whacks me] He means psychologist counseling.

ME: Oh. Really? You came all that way for a mental health appointment?

RED RIDER: Yep. We don't have much at home. Two of them.

ME: I suppose you are related to them.

RED RIDER: No. Why?

ME: Well, you are close to Nebraska. Small town.

PUNKY BREWSTER: [whacks me on the arm] Locksmith is here.

ME: Hi. Thanks for getting here so quickly.

LOCKSMITH LARRY: What happened here? Got a little quick to get out and lock your keys in?

RED RIDER: Yeah.

LOCKSMITH LARRY: Get a little excited, did ya?

RED RIDER: *blink*blink*


3 comments:

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
Yeah, that CPD stuff is one hot mess.
---You stopped carrying SLIM-JIMS?
When did that change?
(I know, when cars got electronic-ish...lol)
---"counseling" at a porn shop...well, that IS a new one.
---"excited"...ROFL!
Good post.

Roll safe down there, Kiddo.

MrGarabaldi said...

Hey Momma Fargo;

When I saw the word "Porn" I got interested, lol

Seriously though I have been following that circus down in Casper from your FB references....and Circus is accurate. Perhaps it will serve as a warning to other small cities and towns that if they are "dirty" they may need to clean up their act or they will be all over the news for all the wrong reasons.

Well Seasoned Fool said...

Far awhile in the car biz, I was dating a cop. She would call me to bring my lockout kit to open a car. Could have done without opening a Mustang with a dead, and smelling, body.
Her patrol area was in the neighborhood of our store. Strange what a man will do for.........