Things were shaking up at the House of PoPo whilst I was away.
The physical fitness test has been modified. Yes. It is still mandatory. Yes. It is still Olympic standards. However the Chief took away the punitive part of the testing. No termination and no flagging your jacket and disqualifying you for promotion or new assignments if you failed.. Those are big deals. I'm somewhat relieved. I did pass the last test, but it was not easy and I have passed all the others. Did I have fun and was it challenging? Yes. But it did cause some anxiety at my age.
I think our department is about retention right now. We are losing veteran officers to other jobs, not other law enforcement agencies, but other careers all together.
Getting back in the swing of things has not been a very nice cup of tea for Fargo. It's like jumping into rough waters without your life jacket or looking forward to a nice cup of coffee and getting handed decaf. Seriously.
For instance, Squirrel pulled over a psycho. This call was challenging to some, not me, but some. I have no problem communicating with crazy people. Not only was he over 260 pounds, wearing plaid pajamas and sporting pink hair, but he was on top of his car jumping up and down like a monkey and screaming.We really should be able to live stream some of these things.
Instead of getting my bitch on in 2.2, I just gawked in silence. I am not sure if I was in disbelief or waiting for him to fall through the roof. Occasionally I would look back at Squirrel. He was giving me the gentle shoving signs to get my bitch on and show this guy that the PoPo were not going to allow this shenanigans.
|Simulated image and fake stunt man to show dramatization|
Why? Why interfere? It was entertaining. I didn't want to stop the behavior. He was damaging his own property so who cares! He was mad at himself for hitting a tree with his car and it was late morning. Afterall, the whole neighborhood was getting a freak show free of charge! And then I thought, maybe he should not be driving in the first place. But you can drive while crazy. It wasn't drug induced.
Was I a failure as a public servant? Well, I surely didn't see it that way.
I decided to get the information from the other passengers and pass it along to Squirrel for his accident report. Information like name, address, date of birth, phone number, etc. After I was finished being the perfect little assistant backup Queen, I then gave him the paper:
SQUIRREL: What does this say? Janazapan?
SQUIRREL: This is terrible. What happened to you?
GRAFFY: What's wrong with her handwriting? I can read it.
ME: Yeah. Me, too.
SQUIRREL: What's this? Slobbermahanalink?
ME: Middle row backseat. Lincoln. Geesh.
GRAFFY: I would have never complained. You can read mine, I can read yours.
ME: Thank you. That is why we work the same area and are partners. Harmony!
SQUIRREL: I think you lost your PoPo magic while you were gone. What is this? Willbdrivahanagan?
ME: William. Backseat behind driver.
GRAFFY: I could read it perfectly.
SQUIRREL: This is terrible. Why don't you guys go work your magic on that dude with the pink hair?
OFFICER WOJO: This dude is nuts. Did you see the front of his car?
ME: George of the Jungle.
|Not this hot of a George|
ME/GRAFFY: Watch out for that tree! ( in stereo)
ME: High five!
So GRAFFY and I reaffirmed we had not lost the magic aura we shared..working the same area, knowing how to mesh as area partners. We were in cop bliss thinking on the same page.
SQUIRREL: [big sigh] Could you go help that crazy guy? I'm lost with him.
ME: Why? He will run out of steam. The average fat person can only last on crazy at full speed for two days and 2.5 hours. Then they peeter out.
GRAFFY: It's true. Venting at Mach 7 is actually good for the brain waves and it later boosts creativity and reproduction.
And then it snowed. Life was perfect in Antartica again.