Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Tuesday, June 27, 2017


Sometimes journal entries are random silliness. Behind the scenes, cops are super immature and riddled with sarcasm. On this day, I had just returned from a long vacation. It was a planned one, not one mandated by the administration which we fondly call administrative leave. Those are bad. This was good. 

Things were shaking up at the House of PoPo whilst I was away.

The physical fitness test has been modified. Yes. It is still mandatory. Yes. It is still Olympic standards. However the Chief took away the punitive part of the testing. No termination and no flagging your jacket and disqualifying you for promotion or new assignments if you failed.. Those are big deals. I'm somewhat relieved. I did pass the last test, but it was not easy and I have passed all the others. Did I have fun and was it challenging? Yes. But it did cause some anxiety at my age.

I think our department is about retention right now. We are losing veteran officers to other jobs, not other law enforcement agencies, but other careers all together.

Getting back in the swing of things has not been a very nice cup of tea for Fargo. It's like jumping into rough waters without your life jacket or looking forward to a nice cup of coffee and getting handed decaf. Seriously.

For instance, Squirrel pulled over a psycho. This call was challenging to some, not me, but some. I have no problem communicating with crazy people. Not only was he over 260 pounds, wearing plaid pajamas and sporting pink hair, but he was on top of his car jumping up and down like a monkey and screaming.We really should be able to live stream some of these things.

Instead of getting my bitch on in 2.2, I just gawked in silence. I am not sure if I was in disbelief or waiting for him to fall through the roof. Occasionally I would look back at Squirrel. He was giving me the gentle shoving signs to get my bitch on and show this guy that the PoPo were not going to allow this shenanigans.
Simulated image and fake stunt man to show dramatization

Why? Why interfere? It was entertaining. I didn't want to stop the behavior. He was damaging his own property so who cares! He was mad at himself for hitting a tree with his car and it was late morning. Afterall, the whole neighborhood was getting a freak show free of charge! And then I thought, maybe he should not be driving in the first place. But you can drive while crazy. It wasn't drug induced.

Was I a failure as a public servant? Well, I surely didn't see it that way.

I decided to get the information from the other passengers and pass it along to Squirrel for his accident report. Information like name, address, date of birth, phone number, etc. After I was finished being the perfect little assistant backup Queen, I then gave him the paper:

SQUIRREL: What does this say? Janazapan?

ME: Jackson.

SQUIRREL: This is terrible. What happened to you?

GRAFFY: What's wrong with her handwriting? I can read it.

ME: Yeah. Me, too.

SQUIRREL: What's this? Slobbermahanalink?

ME: Middle row backseat. Lincoln. Geesh.

GRAFFY: I would have never complained. You can read mine, I can read yours.

ME: Thank you. That is why we work the same area and are partners. Harmony!

SQUIRREL: I think you lost your PoPo magic while you were gone. What is this? Willbdrivahanagan?

ME: William. Backseat behind driver.

GRAFFY: I could read it perfectly.

SQUIRREL: This is terrible. Why don't you guys go work your magic on that dude with the pink hair?

OFFICER WOJO: This dude is nuts. Did you see the front of his car?


ME: George of the Jungle.

SQUIRREL/WOJO: *blink*blink*
Not this hot of a George

ME/GRAFFY: Watch out for that tree! ( in stereo) 

ME: High five!

So GRAFFY and I reaffirmed we had not lost the magic aura we shared..working the same area, knowing how to mesh as area partners. We were in cop bliss thinking on the same page.

SQUIRREL: [big sigh] Could you go help that crazy guy? I'm lost with him.

ME: Why? He will run out of steam. The average fat person can only last on crazy at full speed for two days and 2.5 hours. Then they peeter out.

SQUIRREL: *blink*blink*

GRAFFY: It's true. Venting at Mach 7 is actually good for the brain waves and it later boosts creativity and reproduction.


And then it snowed. Life was perfect in Antartica again.

Monday, June 26, 2017

Ode to Jeff

This one brought some tears to my eyes. Captain Jeff Atkinson has since passed on from complications of cancer in 2014. He was just 48. Great man. He was a joy to work with and was always there serving the public in a way you knew he put people ahead of himself. I can only think his passing on 9-11 was something reminisce of his dedication.

I was sent to a lockout with a 3 year old in an Acura. Let me tell you about Acuras. First, I want one. Second, you can't break into them even if you are a master burglar. I shit you not.

Arriving at Perkins, I found a very distraught dad who had locked his keys in the car with it running and the 3 year old in his car seat. He also called his wife and told her what he had done. She was at their home in Colorado.

I thought she was going to kill him through the phone. I strongly advised how you handle women is that you call them after the fact and tell them everything was all good now, not during the crisis. I gave him this advice.

It took 4 firemen, me, a locksmith, and grandparents to break into the Acura and rescue junior. And let me say...that took 2 hours. There was no immediate harm in temperatures to the little guy so we did not just break the window. We were trying to preserve the kiddo and the car. A twofer we call those.

I was not in my normal area on this day.

The distraught dad was beside himself, beating himself up-not literally, but figuratively, and very worried. We tried to keep him and his son laughing while the FIREMAN did surgery on the Acura.

I was just there for moral support because I already informed them they took our Slim Jims away because of liability. I could only break the window with my ASP which was not well received. Since the air conditioner was on, we didn't worry about the health of ACURA KID, just him being scared and bored.

He was a great kid. And didn't cry once. I entertained him through the glass. It's what cops do when the firefighters are around. We dance and tell jokes.

After it was all said and done...we had to stick around for another hour because the Acura ate the burglar tool and we had to take the door off.

Then distraught dad made a discovery.

One discovery I learned many years ago because I was looking in the right places. You can't help it. It's like those Victoria Secret sweatpants, only for firefighters. Bunkers have words.

DISTRAUGHT DAD: Oh. You guys have your name on your pants.

ME: Yep. Note the location.

DISTRAUGHT DAD: Yeah. Why do you suppose it's there of all places? [laughing]

JUST JIM: *blink*blink*

ME: They just want more attention. They can't get enough as it is.

DISTRAUGHT DD: You have the same name as my son. Look, son, this nice fireman has your name.

JUST JIM: Uh. That's actually my last name, sir.

DISTRAUGHT DAD: Oh. Well, I guess you aren't as cool as I thought.

ME: [laughing] Good one. High five on that.

JUST JIM: [big cheesy grin]

FIREMAN JEFF: [laughing] Someone needs to keep him on his toes. Great wit.

So we played with the little guy who was rescued. CUTE kid and an adoring firefighter fan. I got a high five, though.

ME: Give me five. You are one brave guy for staying in there and not crying. And you tried to get yourself out and worked really hard.

ACURA KID: Yeah. [gives me 5]

FIREMAN JEFF: Come on, let's slide down the hill.

WTF. Another hero story where the firemen outdo the popo. Why didn't I think of that? Oh yea. Grass stains.

So...JEFF took ACURA KID up the hill and they slid down the hill. I told ACURA KID who scooted down the hill as JEFF flew past him that JEFF had cheated because he was wearing bunkers. ACURA KID then got to use JEFF as a sled. I mean, seriously? Is that even fair?

ACURA KID got to check out the fire truck and hit the sirens. That really lit up his face.

Then he moved onto my g-ride which did not impress him. It was a slick back undercover.


To him, there was something wrong with it, it wasn't a real cop car. No matter how hard I tried to convince the kid that it was the super cool secret sorta undercover cop car, he wasn't buying it.

No wonder firemen are the heroes. Bigger is better. Especially in trucks. Oh, well.

DISTRAUGHT DAD: Do you have kids, Jeff?

FIREMAN JEFF: Yes. I do. An 8 and a 5 year old.

DISTRAUGHT DAD: Oh. I could tell you were great with kids.

FIREMAN JEFF: Yeah. They are at home with their mother.



ME: [laughing]

GRANDPARENTS: [laughing]

FIREMEN: [laughing]

DISTRAUGHT DAD: Yep. [red embarrassed face] Look, son, FIREMAN JEFF thinks he's funny.

ACURA KID: He is funny, daddy.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Unicorn Lessons

This story still makes me laugh. I love kids, especially ones who really aren't bad kids, but just might be out there pulling juvenile pranks. In their minds, they are just having some innocent fun but with a little edge.

We just so happen to run into quite a few good kids who maybe just needed a little guidance. Basically, you know you have good kids in front of you when they shit their pants because the cops pulled them over. It's a clue. If they fear the cops in a respectful manner, they are mostly good.

Officer Squirrel and I were on special assignment during the night. We worked hard and tried to find DUIs, traffic violations, suspicious persons walking. Basically, anyone out in our sight was meat. These would be prime training opportunities. FTO 101.

About 11:00 p.m., a red car caught our attention. Not because of a traffic violation...because they were clearly hauling around stolen property...

Actual captured photo of suspect car. Photo credit: Fargo

OFFICER SQUIRREL: Do you two know why we pulled you over?

BOHEMIAN JOHN: Yes, sir. [nodding his head]

OFFICER SQUIRREL: Not only did you steal a traffic pylon, but you duct taped it to your windshield. It's kind of obvious you were going to get caught. And what about the "shoo police" on your back window?

BOHEMIAN JOHN: The part that says...Magical Unicorn Ride?

OFFICER SQUIRREL: Yes. You do realize it looks like you have a you know what taped to your windshield.

BOHEMIAN MATT: Yes, sir. We thought it was funny.


ME: It sounded like a great idea at the time, right?

BOHEMIAN JOHN: We were just talking about that when we were pulling over for you, Ma'am.

So...we ran the little buggers and they didn't have a criminal record and were just freshmen in college. We threw the hammer down on them and made them drive 3 miles back to where they stole the cone and put it back, had a little lecture, and a little Fargo one on one time.

ME: Thanks, boys. Hope you make some better choices. You can be funny, but don't steal, even if it's seems like a little thing.

BOHEMIAN MATT: Thanks so much, Ma'am.

ME: Remember one thing.

BOHEMIAN JOHN: Yes, Ma'am. What is that?

ME: You don't have to have a traffic cone taped to your windshield to look like a couple of dickheads.

BOHEMIAN JOHN/MATT: [simultaneously] Yes, Ma'am. Thanks again.

With that last profound statement, we sent them on their way. I have to admit while I was driving down the road, I was laughing so hard the tears were flying. It was that contagiously chronic laughter. We both couldn't stop...probably because we used to do those dumb things, too.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Awesomius Randomis

How do I write thee words?

Bucket list:

1. Boating accident. (check )
1A. Near drowning incident. (check, check, check)
2. Car dying at Shoe Carnival. (check )
3. Near death experiences. (check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check)

                     Yes, I noticed #3 is up to 8. I probably had more, but those are what I remember.


I have no idea why my bucket list veers off the opposite direction of what I write down. It's like the pen lies or something.

Because my mother won't approve of the language on these memes, I apologize in advance. I can say I have given two fucks today...to all of you. Really. I do care. You held me up during some of my darkest hours when I was just an anonymous cop blogger.

Again, I apologize for the vulgarity and snarky humor. Wait. Why do you keep coming back here?

Meanwhile, politicians continue to capture the spotlight. Pelosi's own people are turning against her and the headlines read that Republicans love her because she turns her own party toward conservatives? I don't know. I don't write the garbage. I just share it. It probably means I am part of the problem.

While all this was going on, I was schooling and writing articles. Here is the latest on Criminaljusticedegree.com about what to do after you become a cop. I am slowly working on books. I am transferring them from the stone tablets to digital documents with features. Not really, but it feels that way.

Healthcare protesters are getting crazy. Once you change or take away something people feel are "rights", then they get violent. Who is going to tell them it is not a right? Those are in the Bill of Rights. Some may have also been formed from case law, but I don't see any out there about healthcare yet. It's a sham. Let's just have free healthcare for everybody, government subsidizes all and doctors will all be paid the same. Yeah. I don't think it works that way. It sounded good at the time I wrote it except for all those little loopholes and exceptions I forgot to add. I don't have any solutions, I just point out the problems.

Me? Part of the problem? I'm slipping.

I have to watch what I say and text and type these days, because now you can be tried for crimes inciting tragedies. Case in point: Michelle Carter. Her texts were awful. Truly awful. I have no words. I can't even mind channel where she was coming from or what purpose did she serve? She sounded like one of those mean girls. The significance of her case is that it is now case law. Your words can have consequences: severe ones. I think maybe kids are too immature to have phones. We didn't have these issues when I was a kid. We had party lines and you certainly didn't want to air your laundry on the phone. It also took a long time to dial and wait, so by the time the process was complete, you forgot what you were going to say. Face to face communication was where most of that was at.

Of course the GOP shooting at the baseball game has flooded your news feed everywhere. I find it odd that the FBI ruled it just an assault and not a targeted assassination or domestic terrorist act. Hate crime? I don't know. Maybe they are trying to scale down these incidents. Next thing you know, they will be labeling them as an abandoned vehicle problem or malicious mischief. Disorderly conduct?

Check out this article on firearms safety. Quick! Read now before all thing warm and fuzzy that go bang become a hot topic of gun control again. Oh wait. Too late. You might see a pic of me on there somewhere. Enjoy the articles. Give me some feedback if you wish. Pass me around like a Thursday hooker.
It's true.

Monday, June 19, 2017

Twangled Are The Twords.

First let me say, may the Navy souls rest in peace who lost their lives on the USS Fitzgerald.
Bless all those survivors in the recent attacks and may those innocents who perished at the hands of evil rest in peace.

As for you bad guys, fuck you. I'm sick of your shit. I wish I could extinguish you myself.

While life is passing me by and world is going to hell, I calmly frantically study. Many days I am worried I am going to stroke out or seize up from anxiety. Any of those long forgotten days of undergrad have rapidly returned to me. I know. You are sick of hearing this shit and Fargo, just suck it up. I wish I could. I try. All I do is get fatter and more seized up. My exercise routine went by the way side and I have recently picked it back up and let me say that I have lost a LOT of progress. I digressed 10 years.

So, in order to make things better, I am going to conduct a squat challenge. It has no prizes except maybe a JLo booty in the end. I am challenging myself and you to do 100 squats a day for 30 days. Let me help you with counting. That is thirty, not 28, not 27, not 31. You don't get extra credit. Also, challenge is on to drink the right amount of water per day. That is usually 8-8oz glasses, but look it up for your body.

I can't do any of these challenges with my kiddo. My daughter needs help with calendar days. After getting her license, I told her she could not have any passengers (kids) in her car for 6 months. She yelled at me and said I was unreasonable and said "the law was 180 days, mom." I said, yeah, that's 6 months. She threw a fit and said I was lying to her.

Go figure it out, math wizard kid.


I suppose you are really sick of the melancholy posts and Sad Sack ways of Fargo as of late. Many of you may not even know who/what Sad Sack was/is? Google it. On the other note, I'm sorry. I have no interesting news.
Not really. That would make me sick.
However, some days,..

As I write this, I am also choking down a protein shake which is very chalky this morning. I hope it helps, because it was torture drinking the thing. They need to put accurate descriptions on their products: "Tastes like green chunky wet chalk going down with hints of berry and if not properly mixed will be like a sewage sludge going down the hatch which might catch on the esophagus causing you to heave. But it's oh so good for you." That's more accurate.

The national news is pretty doomsday if you ask me. Every channel, station, outlet conflicts another or spins a little more one way than the next. I can't even piece together the truth. I do think everyone hates the US right now until they get into a bind. It's super. It's like the nation of cops. Everyone hates you. We used to be the nation of firefighters and everyone loved us. I know. That is such a bad analogy.

I'm actually mad. Fat people get that way a lot. Maybe we should do a study on anger and see if it is attributed to obesity.

I'm mad because no one cares about the truth and I can't find it. If you think about it in cop terms, that's real anguish right there. Sometimes I shut off any searching for news and just wait for my phone alerts or Facebook to tell me what is going on. I think that is driving with blinders? Or the blind leading the blind?

Anyway, you get my drift. What does that even mean? I have no idea.

So idioms are/were oms created by idiots, thus making the word "idiom".  When you have multiple idiot oms, you call them idioms, plural, with an s.

If I call on Webster, the meaning is even more convoluted: "a group of words established by usage as having a meaning not deducible from those of the individual words."

It's no wonder all the kids have problems in school. 

So we spew out words which have meaning but the meaning is not deductible from the words. 

See what I mean? The struggle is real. 

And we keep using these idioms over and over and pretend to know what they mean? 

I am flabbergasted.

That has nothing to do with flubber or gas. 

I know. That wasn't an idiom.


I know that. 

Thursday, June 15, 2017

The Narc Ark

Here are some not so pretty memories. I wrote them all down even if I wasn't always in my finest moments. Sometimes, I was downright disgraceful. Like these moments when I was going through my divorce and trying to run a business and go to work and be a mom and run a place all by myself. I came to realize after months of trying, that I could not do it anymore.

I reported to my FTO sergeant that I was having problems staying awake as the passenger while training. When I drive, I am fine. When I ride...it's like rocking a baby to sleep. Especially...if we have a lull in crime. SQUIRREL and THE ROOK have been good about it and try to help me stay awake. Despite business checks, training exercises, and traffic stops...there are seconds in between where I just collapse.  I even told Sarg I might have narcolepsy.  Self diagnosed.

My new uniform sleeping chamber

THE ROOK: You were funny. You can sleep and still carry on a conversation.

ME: Awesome. I am so proud of myself.

THE ROOK: When I was typing my report, I asked  you if you spoke to that woman on the last call. You said, "Yeah. I spoke to the woman at the counter. I got her statement."

ME: Nice.

THE ROOK: Except we never were at a counter. We were outside in the yard.

ME: Thank God.


ME: I didn't remember being at a counter and if I told you I talked to a woman at the counter, I didn't remember a thing. I was starting to get very concerned about my sleep problem. Like I was sleeping while out there with citizens. Yikes.

THE ROOK: [giggling] You were sleeping and dreaming. In the Tahoe. And talking. Funny.

ME: *blink*blink*

THE ROOK: It's OK. I got your back.

ME: Yeah. But I don't have yours. I am getting pissed. I think it's the vehicle. The Narc Ark.


ME: Narcolepsy vehicle. The Narc Ark.

THE ROOK: *blink*blink*

I feel like Carl

THE ROOK: [hits me] Hey. We have a prowler call.

ME: Ok.

THE ROOK: I tried waking you up by going to 60 mph and then braking. You didn't even wake up.

ME: Super. Beat me.

THE ROOK: I tried that too.

ME: No, I meant this is killing me. I hate feeling like this. I hate falling asleep. It's to the point I need to drive and that isn't going to do you any good for training. Sleep or no sleep at home. It doesn't make a difference. It's the passenger in the car thing. And boredom. We have had eerily quiet nights.

THE ROOK: It's OK. I just think I'm Morgan Freeman driving Miss Daisy.

ME: You're white.

THE ROOK: Yeah. It's pretend.

ME: Nice.

Singing in my sleep

THE ROOK: You know what?

ME: What?

THE ROOK: I was watching you sleep while I wrote my report. You were reading that training manual and you fell asleep.

ME: Ugh. I am getting so mad at myself.

THE ROOK: You are so cute when you sleep.

ME: *head*dashboard*


THE ROOK: Look at you! Rockin' the pony tail today. I have never seen you with a pony tail. Only the high and tight up do.

ME: Dude, are you the fashion police?

THE ROOK: [Big cheesy smile] Nope. Just wondering if that will help you stay awake.

ME: *blink *blink* You are beating me at my own game. Now I know I am losing my powers.

THE ROOK: What powers?

ME: The force. It's not with me anymore.
Are we there yet?


ME: Oh, sorry. Forgot that show was before your time.

THE ROOK: Are we talking Harry Potter?

ME: *blink*blink*

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

The Nation Is Like A Balloon With A Pin Hole...Pssssss

According to the Census Bureau as of a minute ago there is approximately 325 million US persons. Some born every minute. Some die. But average...this number.

By June 18, we will all be dead by Virginia governor's calculations from "gun violence."

Yeah. I know. He made a mistake. It's still funny to make fun of and I will get mileage out of it.

Another shooting here. Another shooting there. It's all crazy out there today.

Can't anyone just duke it out in the playground anymore?

I watched Sessions testimony in the Senate Hearing. I thought he was forthright and I liked him. I didn't really have a very good opinion of him beforehand because he sat back and I felt he was too timid to be AG. Not any more.  That changed my mind.

Although, many of my liberal friends would disagree with that. It's funny how neither side can completely take off the biased glasses and we will never come to the middle. It's not really funny. It's really scary, actually.

After watching the hearings, it is clear the left and right are at war with each other and have lost sight of what is right and really only seek the truth if it fits their agenda, everything else is discarded because the square peg doesn't go in their round hole. Never mind finding the right peg.

I also understand the dynamics of the politics and positions these people hold. I think I will wait and see, but right now I could say with politician certainty they have nothing. What does that mean? I see no facts as of yet. Not sure if they will make up facts or cover up facts. Today, I have been shown nothing significant. Today it is crap.

It's all convoluted and clouded by rhetoric, partisan politics, and personal vendetta. This includes Comey who was in a position to be neutral and investigate according to FBI purpose. I feel he did not. I don't like his methods. I don't like his leaks. That really hit me in the guts.

I agree with Sessions that Comey did some things which were not good for the country and we needed a change. It doesn't mean Comey is a bad person, he just made some bad choices in judgement and should not be FBI director. This began long before Trump was president.

And the leaks.

Shut the fuck up already. Sessions is right. This is bad for our country. Bad, bad, bad.

I guess every spy has a price and there is no honor among thieves.


Did I see some issues? Yeah. I thought as the top lawyer he should have been sharper on some things, but I understand he was on careful ground because of his position and privileged information and the possibility of a protected relationship. If he said one thing, the left took it this way and the right took it that. It was nutso.

And shut up about Harris being singled out because she is a woman. She was singled out because of her processes and the fact she was badgering witnesses so they couldn't answer. It was a tactic. She is brilliant. She knows this. It's propaganda for an agenda. Stupid media and celebrity twist on that.

Additionally, McCain needs to go away. He needs to retire.
In more random news, I think Trump reads my blog. All except he ignores my heeds to stop Tweeting. The mainstream media reads it too. I can't tell you why. That would be a leak.

I don't know what will come of this, but I do agree with many of the experts that I think he cleared the air for himself and his position. I think he was right to fire Comey and his recusal and Comey's supervision...they are separate things.

Just like when I investigated a case where the DA's son was a victim and another when he was a suspect, the DA stayed out of it. RECUSED HIMSELF. That was back in the day of 2000. But he was there on other cases.

It's no different than when I investigated a direct supervisor's kid but the man continues to supervise me. Same. Many people have a problem with that, but it happens in law enforcement all the time. It's no fun, but it's there. In my case, it was even more fragile.

But the leaks. They gotta stop. Put some gum in it.

It's unbelievable.

If you think this is OK, then you are nuts.

And now as for the baseball field shooter today. Stop blaming Bernie. He is upset about it. He didn't orchestrate this person to go rogue. And never would.

That is an individual choice by a man fueled with uncontrollable rage, hate, and lack of self control and self awareness. You could have coffee with a guy  like that and suspect nothing and the next day he goes off. Or he could have had escalating behavior which was irrational and out of the norm. We don't know yet. And above all, it was an individual choice. This was not an organized act.

I can say that with almost 100% certainty, but I don't know. Why? Because I don't know the facts. I am just assuming we haven't gone that far in taking out those we oppose.

I like to believe even all the politicians are MOSTLY good people. That doesn't mean I like them. It doesn't mean that some are not crooked, because they are. But they are mostly good people.

If I believe otherwise, I might want to hole up in my fort.

Monday, June 12, 2017

Comey Is Not A Homie

So did you watch Comey testify? I did.

Did it enlighten you?

It did me. Some things were good. Some things were concerning. I tried to look at it with a neutral filter as a moment to get some truth. I don't know if the oath means anything to politicians and muckety mucks.

I didn't see any "smoking gun" to bring Trump down, but what did concern me were a few things:

1. Loretta Lynch's statements to Comey need to be investigated.
2. The smug attitude of Comey, like he felt he was David bringing down Goliath type smug were really bothersome.
3. Any of his testimony did not prove obstruction in my book, but I'm no expert.
4. I felt it actually helped clarify the frustration Trump was having with Comey not going public about no investigation into the president, but I also understand his position. However, why can't they just come out and say, "there is no investigation at this time." That leaves it open so you don't have to correct.
5. I saw Comey in a different light. I thought he was very stoic and honorable before. In the hearing I thought he lost a lot of credibility being a leaker and a snake. This disappointed me.
6. I also thought his statements about "if I were a stronger man," to be fluff. Come on, we hired a namby pamby as an FBI director? I don't buy it.
7. He seemed kind of flippant at times. That bothered me.
8. I saw both truthful expressions and liar expressions in his body language.
9. I think he really has a lot of disdain for the president.
10. I think he was justly fired.

11. I watched the entire hearing and I think the news watched something entirely different. Their reporting of it was atrocious and false. If you hadn't watched the hearings and relied on the news. Oh boy.
12. Comey looked at the hearing like a time of revenge, but also had a duty. It was a conflict even I saw and at one time, he did admit he was biased because he was fired. It was a humorous moment. I could see why the senators thought he was a good and honorable man, but had problems with some of the things he did.

I'm just kind of really disheartened about everything. I think the deep state exists. I think no matter if Trump did good or bad, there are so many out there to undermine him, I don't know if he would really have a chance.

And he does need to stop tweeting random shit and negative crap. If he just keeps it positive about his visits and speeches, then that will be nice. I think he feels his voice isn't heard, but what he forgets is those Tweets are hostile and don't help his image at all. In fact, it really tarnishes any good he might be doing when he pops off. He needs to shout it at the wall and then NOT memorialize it forever. I don't think he wants to go down as the craziest president around, but he is doing a good job with those tweets.

I think the media is really scary and they have turned into a manipulative monster...much more so than I ever thought.

Those are my takeaways.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Wheels Is Wearing The Pants In The Family

I think no one read my post yesterday or didn't dare comment because now I have drawn attention to myself with the NSA. Well, surprise! They have known about me for a long time. I expect one day they will offer me a job in the PR department. 

You laugh.

I know. They don't have a PR department.

However, they should give me a job anyway. I could work from home. I bet I could vet and monitor their people better than they do. 

The Harry Potter House is a protected fortress and they could throw the money saved from office space to give me a good alarm system (aside from the dogs). It's a thought. 

Secretly, I've always wanted to clear up my "record" and have the best credit in all the land, wipe out my bills. I think that's a good negotiation. A little traveling...a little spying on the non-spies...etc. Shit. Most of these idiots broadcast their intentions on Facebook. You can read a lot from someone's posts. I am wide open. At least they know what they are getting.

Never mind the NSA can't legally spy on Americans. Sort of. So what about it? Who needs the laws, right? LOL

In the meantime, while I wait for my cushy job offer, here is a Halloween story in the middle of June about Wheels. Enjoy. 

Running into houses, stealing, kidnapping, rape, and robbery. Hell...Cruella  was even drunk behind the wheel. Pursuits...foot and car...seemed to be taking a toll on our utility system. Three downed power poles and power lines in one week. Family fights. Drugs.

The only thing missing was the unspoken word.

 Because if you speak it, it happens.

 Especially during Halloween. Don't say it.

Wheels and I ran from call to call, picking up a few zombies and putting them in jail. Run out, run back. It was like a challenge from Survivor. A few got voted off the island. Then came the lull we all long for to catch our breath...silence. Crap. That's a bad word to think, write, and especially say out loud.

Opportunity. To. Take. A. Break.

Our g-ride finally made it to the station so I could work out. After running my circuit for about 25 minutes, I got a call from dispatch.

DISPATCH: Sarge said to call you out of break. He needs you to bring Wheels for a transport and help on a a call.  Now. Fast. He said to tell you to hurry.

ME: Ok. Are we the only units clear? What happened?

DISPATCH: Another pursuit.

ME: Ok.

So when the Sarge says "FAST" I just go. Like I am. In my shorts, t-shirt, tennis shoes. Running down the stairs to the basement level, I grabbed my gun and badge and yelled at Wheels.

I was only thinking of the order, not the practical sense of being fully equipped and uniformed. Don't do this today. Yes, we can laugh now. 

WHEELS: Boss, you are in your shorts.

ME: Yep. No time. Let's go.

WHEELS: Ok. You can stay in the car. I will do all the work.

ME: *blink* blink*


ME: I'm the brains of this operation.

WHEELS: Well, right now you aren't wearing the pants. I am.

ME: Ok. Point taken.

When we arrived, the Sarge waved us over to his location by the suspect car. I exited in all my glory. Black workout shorts-gun-badge. Slightly resembling Barney Fife with my gun pulling down my shorts. Excellent example of a cop at their finest. Oh yeah, I almost forgot-workout hair. At least I had on designer clothing: UnderArmor shoes, Nike shorts, North Face t-shirt. Not exactly what a girl calls Matchy Matchy.

Because I support all the fashion lines, I had to sport all of them at once. A corporate advertisement. At least the colors matched. Black clothes...white shoes.

SARGE: What the..?

ME: They told me you needed us right away and to hurry. I can shoot just as good in my shorts as I can in my pants.

SARGE: Way to adjust, overcome, adapt.

ME: A little Barney Fife action going on here. [pulled up my shorts]
It was not like this. 

Officer Big Cheese had stopped a car on suspicion of drunk driving. The female driver bailed and soon after the male passenger fled. Big Cheese captured the driver and face planted her in a pile of leaves.

She was an old doper. I had had many cases in the past involving her with meth and her children. A fine figure of  motherhood. NOT. Now childless, since the State of Wyoming had permanent custody of hers, she had been filed as a Missing Person for quite some time-living off drug sales and thefts. Captured. And wanted. 6 warrants. Including delivery, manufacture, and possession of methamphetamine. And a new charge of possession.

It was a good catch.

METH HEAD MARY: What kind of cop are you?

ME: A super secret agent. We've been watching you a long time. Just waiting for the opportune moment. [So I was lying to her. What the hell? Again. Karma. We didn't have a clue of her whereabouts]

METH HEAD MARY: Why are you dressed like that?

ME: Because I blend.

METH HEAD MARY: Into what? The gym? You'd never find me there.

ME: Nah. I jog around. Haven't you seen me out there running? Surveillance.

METH HEAD MARY: [ thinking] Wait a minute. Maybe I have.

ME: See.

WHEELS: Boss, you are so naughty.

ME: Yes. That was an example of how not to be a smart ass on a call.

WHEELS: It's all good, Boss. She'll think we are always watching her. Paranoid doper.

ME: True.

Wheels was OK on his own and I went to the g-ride. My fun was over. Job was done. Mission accomplished. At least it's always good to have the dopers continue to be paranoid so they make mistakes. When they start using their own products, eventually, they find their demise. But why not add fuel to the fire?

 Soon...another officer became free so he could take Wheels' place.

ME: Come on, Wheels, I have to go get some pants on.

WHEELS: Dammit, I wanted to wear the pants just once.

And the night went on. Busy. Drunks. Dopers. Fights. And Wheels graduated.

SGT. DOWNTOWN BROWN: Well? Did he make it?

ME: Yep. He's all yours. Just needs some fine tuning and some molding. [big cheesy smile] Don't forget to throw him some balls.

SGT. DOWNTOWN BROWN: Great. Another Jack Russell.

ME: He's a good kid.

SGT. DOWNTOWN BROWN: He's going east, so you can mold him on nights.

ME: Good. We like ice cream.

SGT. DOWNTOWN BROWN: You're making the kid soft. He's a Marine. We don't eat ice cream.

ME: Wheels loves ice cream. Ken is groovy like that.


ME: Inside joke. 

Was Wheels the Ken model for Marine Corps Ken in 1991?

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Do You Need A Pad?

It's only Tuesday and I have a buttload of school work and research. I wish I could take the summer off work and just do school, but that would not pay the bills. Hence, a problem. I also have to write another article and I am stuck in crevice between two topics. These are real world problems.

In the meantime, our country (blanket treatment) has somehow gone from integrity among spies (yes, I use the term loosely) to having none and for some reason it is trendy to be a leaker. I thought this was only fashionable when you were a baby or in your geriatric years. But, apparently, I was proven wrong again...time and time again, which is alarming to me. For some, burning our country down because someone doesn't like the president or is trying to undermine the WH or for personal gain...ie. money, fame, or both...is more important than what you signed up for to protect.

NSA, do you need a pad? Damn embarrassing, I tell you.

If we don't slough off the face of the earth from diaper slippage first, then I would say we might not have any allies by the time we are done being leakers. Depends, I guess. Pun intended.

The other spin this is the media takes it as gospel even if it is just tagged info and not fully vetted.


Because it came from "top secret" places.

Well, so what. Wasn't she a little late to the party? Didn't we already know that? Or maybe I missed the boat. Who knows. But was it influencing by revealing truths? The Democrats never denied the emails weren't true.

Reality Winner. The name befitting. Winner, winner! I think she won jail.

My bathroom is top secret because I don't let you in there. Want to know something good? Too bad. I have scruples and some moral codes. Not many, mind you, but some.

I had garbage data at the police department on several cases. But it sounded juicy. if the press would have had access to all that garbage, I think it would have tainted jury pools and probably ruined some lives unnecessarily. That's why you have to vett it, find evidence, corroborate. Duh.

Come on, spies. Be a fucking viking. Where did you go to Spy School? And how do you screen your people, for Pete's Sake? I can't even get through the airport without giving a urine sample and they suck! Are you hiring beauty school dropouts? BTW, the best town information is found at the hairdresser's. Just saying. That stuff is actually worthy gossip.

I've never seen such a bunch of blind nincompoops (the media) eager to print whatever just to get a story out there only to be shown the next day it was a "so what" moment or proven false then they look dumb. Surprisingly, most citizens forget unless you pull a stunt like Kathy Griffin.

And the leakers. Can't you find something better? Like real stuff. It's not even interesting.

Maybe some of this stuff has been vetted and then it is leaked but has it been that huge? Not really. Or maybe I am just numb to sensationalism. But you get to go to jail anyway. Congratulations!

They gotta know they are going to be found out.

Here's the kicker.

Why is the NSA so slow to find out? Shouldn't they have found out in the first email or download that something was not going according to rules? Are they shorthanded or a bunch of boobs?

I really think they need to hire the mob to run things. At least they would be enviro-green when they incinerated the bodies. Wait. Are all mob affiliates liberals? Because that sounds a lot like...never mind. I won't say it. No leaks here.

Friday, June 2, 2017

The New Hans and Frans

Remember SNL's Hans and Frans? It's fake. People aren't like that really. This is the cop version of the show. 

I stumbled upon a journal entry from patrol days. Drug addicts in the later stages of their lives are not purty. There is no other way to describe them except for what is observed. Drug addiction is not pretty either. In fact, it is horrendous and painful for the person and everyone associated with them. The below story is very real in trying to draw a picture of the smells and sights in front of me. And ode to the best frequent flyers, "One-Eyed Susan" has since passed on.

My sergeant and I respond to a family fight which took us to two addresses. Suspect and victim. They were separated prior to the call which was a good thing. That way we were not in the middle of a domestic and they had time to cool off.

Walking my way to the suspect's house, One-eyed Susan (not like the flower), I was preparing to speak to her. Upon approach, I saw a car blacked out and parked caddywhompus on the sidewalk with two subjects slumped down in the front seat. Now, the family fight turned out to be bogus, so these fellers were a must see. My attention got diverted. The Popo can't ignore criminal activity afoot or acar.

We snuck up on them and I shined the light into the car. They started the engine. Perhaps they thought they would make a fast getaway.  I was about to slam my flashlight on their car and tell them to STOP when the car died. Thank God for jalopies. But it was sad I didn't get to have a foot chase involving a car. I might have beat this one.

The two were fumbling around in the car, putting things under the seat, and shaking like leaves. This is what we call a CLUE.

So, after I told them to sit up in their seats, I immediately recognized them as Frick and Frack...a couple of old dopers. When I say old, I mean one is 40's and the other is 60's. That's old for a doper.

They both have been in the dope business for over 20 years. After talking to them for a while, we both realized the shaking like a leaf thing we observed in the two men was probably meth induced. And they had secretly (well as secretly as they could muster) stuffed a bindle of meth into a pack of cigarettes and it was sticking out of the package. I do have observations skills, especially when it is right in front of me.

So, the Sarge asked, "What's in the cigarette pack?" 

No response. In fact, an awkward and.long pause of silence ensued. We asked them again. Nothing. Not even a word. The two appeared stumped. This was captured on video...see snapshot below:

Sarge asked, " Who's cigarette pack is in the console?"

Both responded that it wasn't theirs and they didn't know to whom it belonged. I told them they both had the same kind of cigarette in their hand and were smoking them. I found it odd. They looked at their cigarettes and said, "What? Huh? Oh, we borrowed these." 

Egads, this was going to take all night. 

So, we asked them if it wasn't their cigarette pack, could we see it? 

Long pause of silence. No response. 

We asked again. They shrugged their shoulders. 

Frick said, "Well, it isn't mine, so I don't know. " 

Frack replied, "Not mine. Don't know anything about it." 

So I thought I would razzle dazzle them with logic and said, "Well, if they aren't yours, then you don't mind if I see them?" 

Frick puzzled, "Well, I don't care. Frack, it's your cigarettes. Do you care if I give 'em to her?" 

Frack panicked at Frick's response but continued, "They're not mine.Go ahead." 

Frick handed the cigarettes to me. And yes, it was a bindle of meth. Ta da!

So, while I was examining the cigarette pack, my Sarg asked them how they were doing which was just conversation starter "ice breaker" type chit chat. 

Frick told us he was doing swell, just celebrated his kid's first birthday.

I broke out in song..."Stop the music..."Did you say 1st? As in your kiddo is one years old?"

Frick said, "Oh, yeah. We just had a party." 

Me thinks to myself...yikes...and then this visual pops in me head:

I know. It was a mean thought, but when you see the environment and parental species, you don't think of regular cute babies.

Egads. I needed to focus on my dope bust. 

We moved away from small talk and asked them what they were doing in that particular spot. 

Frick volunteered, "Oh, we came to party with One-Eyed Susan." 

The two ended up getting arrested. We couldn't let a felony meth bust just go by the way side. In the middle of Miranda (not a girl...but a declaration of rights), One-Eyed Susan showed up. She focused on my Sergeant and we were all aware of her infatuation and she loves him. He is the apple of her one eye. Ack! I know. Mean. Cops are cynical and means sometimes. It keeps us sane or something. 

One-Eyed Susan is very vocal, always making a fuss. It's her nature. We are used to it. She was really upset her two party men weren't going to take her out on the town. 

Now, she is not a spry young thing either. According to Susan, they were going to "get it on". Lord have mercy. I'm guessing the boys had to take some Viagra (meth) before the party. I didn't want to know and I didn't ask and I surely should not have had that visual in my head. 

In the car, Frack and I talked about the party. He told me that meth makes him last for hours and he can have wild, crazy sex and he can't help it. Imagine the things cops learn in the patrol car. It's like going to the beauty shop only better.

I told him I have heard that before but the after effects were not worth it. 

"Like what?" 

I said, "Like jail, like losing your teeth, your hair, your wits. Like it makes you brain damaged, causes permanent schizophrenia, makes you stupider (that is a word), and scabs form, you see bugs, you lose your job, you become a crack ho, etc. Do you get my picture?" 

"Well, yeah, but that one time..." 

I said, "Like that one time in band camp ....when the cop busted my stupid ass before I could get it on... and now I'm going to the pen...and I have Bubba stuck up my ass kinda time?" 

Frack said, "Well...yeah...I guess." 

"You guess?" 

Well, the conversations only got better. And at the jail, it was like old home week. The old jailers remembered Frick and Frack on their first bust 20 years ago. And they all yucked it up. Fun was had by all except Susan. No One-Eyed Susan orgies. Today, we prevented another Frickle or Frackle from entering the world and taking after mom and pop. Drugs and crime are generational and taught in the home. Sometimes we can save one child or a child saves themselves. But it really is a sad deal.  It's a war out there.