Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Snark and Circumstance

Well...what day is it? It's hump day.

Even babies can read my mind

Let's look at it like they do in the south. Where in the south? Straight to hell. That is how far south we will go...(for example to clarify)...

  1. Go humping if you so choose with a willing partner.
  2. Hump to your heart is content f your significant other designates so on the calendar. 
  3. When you exercise hump day, make sure you have permission. 
  4. You can go hump yourself.

Or it might be bump day if you are Matt Lauer. Holy shit buckets. Maybe they can make the Matt and Charlie Show or Lauer and Handsy.

Not Really. I think they should leave television and go make inventions for people with arthritis. Dinosaurs would even use them. They can call them:

The Handsy Rose and Lauer the Grabber.
Not really. Don't be a tool. It's not really cool to make fun of serious things. Too soon! Too soon!

Do you ever think it is ground hog day? Not Feb. 2nd, but the movie. History repeats itself. The days are repeating themselves. I'm getting a little scared. So, let's go back in time to 2009 in order to clarify what is happening today in my college classes. I must also preface that this call in 2009 occurred over and over and over but with different people throughout my cop career.

WTF just happened

So, I picked up this girl on a warrant. Stuck her in the g-ride and drove diligently to the jail.

She had a mouthpiece...you know, the kind that her mother would not approve. She was very disrespectful and cussing the entire time. Not that I have a perfect mouth, but I try to use discretion when those words slip out. Love these types. Please, Lord, give me some duct tape and make it legal to use it!

Well, I listened to it. Why? Because I had to and I could not transport her in the trunk. So, to soften the blows, I turned my music up a little. You know my music. It's a little...well..."rappy."

Yeah, as you would guess, that didn't make her happy. You know what she did? Yep, she did...she said, "Oh, bad ass bitch cop gonna drown me out with her music. I see how you are..." On and on. She didn't tell me that only once, but twice, thrice, quatro, cinco...on and on.

As we approached our landing, almost to the jail, she stops and says, "I'm majoring in criminal justice. I'm going to sue you! You didn't read me my rights."

Most often statements like these are followed by the famous Fargo eye roll, but she couldn't see it when I was in front of her as her pilot. Who would want to waste that valiant effort on that empty soul?

I calmly stated, "Miss, I don't have to read you your rights unless I am going to ask you questions. Maybe you should read Miranda v. Arizona and other case law. See, you are arrested on a small bench warrant...really nothing I'm interested in because I concentrate on catching real criminals, not wannabes. But here you are in my patrol car. Had to arrest you because of a warrant. Nope. Don't have to read you your rights...and the Judge says I have to arrest you. Because if the Judge didn't make me, I would toss you right out. Why? Because you are annoying. However, if you want to exercise your rights, I would suggest you pay attention to your right to be silent."

Well, that shut her up believe it or not. Oh, yeah, old and wise beats young and hostile...every time.

Either this day keeps repeating itself or I am getting paybacks from being so snarky on duty. I think she followed me to grad school and sits next to me in a policy class. Karma. She is such a bitch!

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Why Are Gator Holes And Sexual Harassment Considered Underrated?

Today's post is brought to you by black coffee which is the only real way to drink it, the color "quinine blue", and the letter F.


Hope everyone's Thanksgiving holiday was wonderful. And now according to popular belief, we should all be in Christmas mode. This is a lot to keep up with and I do not know if I can meet the expectations. After all, I'm a crazy grad student occupied with papers and finals.


And another flat tire. This one happened because of a pot hole, as I call them. Here, they call them chuck holes. Now when the dude said, "Ma'am, I can't fix this tire because obviously you damaged the side wall in a chuck hole", I was like...what the hell are you saying? First, I get he was telling me my $8.00 fix was now $100-150 because I heard "can't fix tire"...unless there was a sale. Second, who the fuck is Chuck?
Indiana road obstacles

When I blinked a lot and looked perplexed, he explained that big holes in the road cause problems when tires go in them.

Well, duh.

I really wanted to ask him if Chuck was a gator that reached right in there and ate my tire. Or as they say around here...taihr.

They circled the bubble and the seal problem around the rim and nicely explained again to me what happened including showing me my bent rim. Sometimes, you just have to act the dumb blond part and move on.

In the meantime, I am figuring out a way that the city's lack of road repairs costing me yet another big expense, is going to become their problem. I need a campaign idea to get them to do their job. Perhaps the FBI investigating them every freaking year is part of the problem. Maybe the FBI can find out where the infrastructure funds ran off too.

Damn gators.


No matter how I write about this topic, it is going to fry me with fans. Burn, baby, burn! There is song in my head. Oh yeah. Johnny "Magnificent" Travolta...

But here goes. Disco inferno, y'all.

I have some concerns about all the sexual harassment and sexual assault allegations flowing wildly around the inter-webs. Don't get me wrong, these are bad news. I will get to the real part, but have to first preface my opinions with some background.

I think people misunderstand the difference between the two. So first...we will do definitions. Sexual harassment is not a criminal offense. It is a workplace violation. Sexual assault is both. Neither one are good at all.

Now this brings me to say...people are popping off too freely with any words about opinions and judgments on this and what I mean is that these are serious allegations. Some have been proven and some are not.

Careers are getting ruined from unsubstantiated allegations and accusations. Now that doesn't mean they didn't happen, that just means..WOW. In my cop world, that is a scary thing. For instance, actors are getting fired when someone says they harassed them 20 years ago. That's not a specific example, just one to show how this is going. Shows are getting cancelled. I'm flabbergasted by this.

Again, before you throw rotten eggs at me, I'm not saying they did or did not happen. And usually when there are more than 2 singing birds, there is a problem. That's what we call a clue. But I'm just floored that allegations and accusations alone are frying these people to the ground.

Do you know how much it takes to prove a criminal case? Fuck me in the ass. Sometimes even with more probable cause than you could stuff up an elephant's butt, the bad guys still got nothing.

Of course the burden for a sexual harassment claim is less but equally important. I think every allegation should be investigated thoroughly and completely without any favoritism or bias.  

So for this to be the new norm...SCARY. I'm not saying Hollywood isn't Hollyweird, because we all know it's true. Right now it is a shit storm and I would be terrified of working in it. Is this going to be the new norm?
You know it

People are doing the right thing by coming forward. I think thorough investigations need to happen. Sexual harassment is a workplace violence and may not involve the police. It should involve the employers, employees, and any federal punishments as far as the victims: employment protection and those rights and circumstances go. Sexual harassment is not going to put someone in jail unless it went to a physical altercation or sexual assault.

However, I really want to know what sparked this to be OK to tell now, but not when it happened? What changed?

It's an epidemic.

Stop asking so and so if they support someone or not, believe someone or not, and let the authorities and employers figure this hell, fire, and damnation shit storm out. That's you, media. Stop it. That shit is divisive and is not good for the victims. Due process. I think we have lost that notion. We skip trial and go right to public frying.

Yes, along with the real, comes the fake as people see this ruins people, they will try to do it by voicing fake allegations. That's why it is important to let authorities figure this out and not play it out in the media and court of public opinion. Equally so, you ruin any form of justice because of the crap you publish tainting potential juries, witnesses, etc.

This is a disclaimer of my personal opinion...take it, leave it, like it, hate it. Bam.


What rhymes with stooping? Ah pooping

Speaking of stooping to all new lows, I was asked to write this article about pooping on duty. Lordt, help me. It was supposed to be less academic with more YHUMOR...that's east coast for funny. I might have gotten a little carried away. It's not doing too well.

Why Are Gator Holes And Sexual Harassment Considered Underrated?

People underestimate gator holes and sexual harassment.  
They both cost you a lot of money if you don't watch out. 

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

How To Solve The Biggest Problems With Crazy Hair and Feast Fashion

My hair is nutso.

Untamed and wild. Just like my spirit. I bet you might have noticed that in small doses I give you.

Mwahahaha! I know. That was funny.

Well, today you get the first glimpse of me wearing my hair at work with a wash and dry. Why? Because it is history.
Fat hair, don't care. Fat face, running in place.
The history of me going out in public with crazy hair. I could just pinch my fat cheeks. Gah.

Additionally, this post is not about hands or those groping fuckers which takes up all of the news.

Notice in the picture I still have my evil eye even if I have lost a little edge. I have gained a TON of weight. Egads. I have been pumping iron for months and now my gut (it's huge) tells me I need to be going on a fast now to shred some lard. I can lift more than I ever have at the bench press, however, so I am stoked about that. I'm pretty sure I am fat farm girl fresh and could body slam any fat redneck into the ground. Arrr!

Well, even if I tripped them and slammed down on them or if I fell on someone, it would really hurt from the compression.

Instead of the ordinary, we are going to talk outside the box today. First off, this hair would not be work appropriate if I was the PoPo. It would have had to be high and tight, like those Robert Palmer bitches. Could you imagine if I showed up sporting a poodle doo? Yep. Nope. Nope.

Next up, what should you wear for Thanksgiving? Feast Fashion. Poop shit. This is an area of suckage. I might get my ideas from People of Walmart. 

Let's take a look at Rhianna. She has some mountain man fashionista plaid going on here, but I really think it is boob inappropriate. You shouldn't have your goods falling out onto the table during feasting moments. I am confused if she is trying to portray a new look with issue BDUs or protesting the police by making fun of their uniform and stating, "anyone can wear it". Um. No. 
Not proper to be boobilicious for Thanksgiving
Is it OK to be casual? Well, how the hell do I know? It's your family.

Let's give some options. What happens when it is semi-formal attire?

So if you are super poor, but have a mother or grandmother, go raid their closet. It's OK even if you have shorter arms. Take Victoria Beckham for instance, here sporting her grandmother's block print.

Dazzling, right?
Victoria Beckham in someone else's clothes

For me, we are not so formal. I used to get invited to friends' houses where I would dress nice, but that does not happen anymore.

Maybe I wore out my welcome.

One year, I had other plans and then had to decline the nice offer. I was never asked again. Kind of hurt my feelers, but I understand.

It's Ok.

But it still hurts.

I can show up in my jammies now. I might not even take a shower.

Let's talk about fit. Clothing fittage, not fitness. It is important that you have wiggle room in your clothes so you can gorge. Or pockets to save snacks for later. If you are in your own home, you do not need to steal. You could gussy it up in attire with expansion like this:
Casual for Thanksgiving
If I really felt like whipping out some of my old dresses in the closet, I could gown it out. But who wants to do that? It's nice and all, but really not practical. I can tell you, it sucks when you dribble gravy down your cleavage. It messes up the dress, too. No one wants dribble scars.

And so there you have some Feast Fashion suggestions.

For the men...wear pants.

That's all I have for today.

We should have talked shoes. I love shoes.

Monday, November 20, 2017

The Worst Advice We've Ever Heard About Hands

Ok. The bellyaching and crybaby crap is over.

Thank the Lord!

I was getting sick of myself. If I were an Egyptian, this is what the wall around me would say about that journey of sulking madness.


Who noticed the news? Charles Manson is dead. He was dead to me anyway. 😈😈I said that like a drama queen. He was impressionable to some crazy young kids back in the day. I did a paper on him once in high school and followed the stories out of curiosity. I came to the conclusion long ago, that he was just nuts and nutted off much like the mass shooters of today. The difference is he is not as disconnected with the world like a blank page, but has some personality. I don't know if that even makes any sense.

Overheard some peeps at the university rant over guns. They said they could not state one good reason to have them and all needed to be banned. I really need to go back to my Wyoming. Like pronto. Live in the woods, in the mountains, in a small cabin, next to no one.

I like differences. I embrace them.

Except California thinking. I believe it is taking over the country. Californication. It's scary. At first, I thought it was a fun porn thing. But then I figured it out. I'm slow. They were supposed to  secede from the union. Instead, they are infiltrating and slowly taking over. Although, I believe these were Indiana natives.

I have to remember a university is never like the rest of the world, but they are teaching everyone for the rest of the world. DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEM HERE?

It just makes me acquire more ammo.

So this week is the start of the feasts, friends, and family events I used to respond to in blue. How many families can say they had the cops over for Thanksgiving or Christmas? Huh?

Such an honor.

Try harder this year to NOT to do that.
When cops resort to being firemen.
After all, those cops have such a bad name right now.  They might come in all guns-a-blazing or something. Not really. Well, maybe. If you're one of THOSE kinds of families.

Don't be one of those.

Don't be a fireman either.

Since the world is changing and full of reformation, things have been coming out of the woodwork. Hollyweird is now living up to its odd and strange reputation. New shows are appearing in the mornings right before the soaps. A few of them are called: Hollywood Gropers, FEELings with the Stars, and The Joker's Beguiled. I heard prime time was bringing in a new competition show which is currently in the works. It's going to compete with The Voice and Dancing With The Stars. It's something about 7 Things About Hands Your Boss Wants To KnoW or Why We Loved and Now Hate Hollywood Gropers(And You Should, Too!)

It's a funny world out there. and handsy. Penile dysfunction does not always mean you need viagra. 

Thursday, November 16, 2017

A college Haiku of sorts

I'm pretty sure I am losing it and reverting to high school.

I am depressed when I don't get an A.


It's the devil.

I will be lucky to pass.

Passing is a B.

It's a struggle.

I struggle.


So instead I just sit here and cry like a big fat baby.

 And feel sorry for myself.

Like a boob.

What a boob.

Suck it up, buttercup.

If I have to take this class over, I might be a monster student with deep anger issues.

Not really.

I'm not a snowflake.

But alas, I am still very sad and unhappy and angry.

It's like I'm a snowflake inside.

I think I'm going to go find Hillary.

I will  ask for her connections to "give me a pass" in this course.


Just this one time.

Maybe next semester too.

Second course in statistics.

I just got inducted to Golden Key Honors Society.

It is comprised of the top 15% of the university.

But it might be short lived only to dive below the mark a semester later.

This is not a Haiku.

The words are all wrong.

But a sad, sad college story.

From an adult, non-traditional student's standpoint.

Most young ones would have just shot up the place.

Instead, I'm going to seek out Hillary and ask for help.


Is she even relevant anymore?


I still have some.

College life.



Monday, November 13, 2017

A Constitutional Right? The Cops Smash Out Freedom of Expression

Greetings, friends and foes!

My latest article on Law Enforcement Today for your perusal. I thought it was a little snarky, but it did not generate much traffic. We did have some fairly good discussion on a LEO private page with it.

Today on The Boogie Man FB page, I posted some nice peace and love memes. Spread kindness. Like jam. Why? Because it is easier to spread jam than jelly. NO! Because it's free. And it makes the world go around.

I have unplugged from news the last few days. I tried to catch up today and found it was about the same as when I left off. So, therefore, I think I missed nothing. But here is a meme which sums up my thoughts on college campuses right now, including mine.

THIS should not be tolerated. For reals. It is whacked.

You are only safe if you are a liberal speaker. What happened to this world?

When they invite extremists like Bill Ayers speak without redemption but not a conservative extremist like Ann Coulters, I find it very ironic. Now, I don't really care for either one of those persons, but I do not understand why there is a difference in policy and protection of free speech.
It kind of reminds me of this free speech or free expression I squashed while on patrol...

A little throwback funny for you today...see if you can recognize the sarcasm in my mind when I wrote this. Oh, and yes, these wer not politically correct times nor was I always "appropriate", but I was real. 

Picture of actual hooker I ran into...KIDDING! Well, maybe

Running code to yet another family fight, I heard a call come over the radio.

A dispatcher off duty was following a car with 3 men wearing bandannas over their faces.

Not strange if you are riding a horse in a dusty storm...or in 1870 robbing a bank. Or even normal attire on Halloween. But this was in the middle of the week on a hot August night. I did not recall any insurgence of bandits coming into town or even a new gang.

Picture this: the backseat passenger was holding his hand over a girl's mouth and she was screaming. Several calls started streaming into the 911 center as other citizens reported the strange group. Naturally, a bazillion  three cop cars started hauling ass toward the direction of travel. Soon, it was a cat and mouse game.

Thinking I was missing out on one of the local high school's theater group pranks (complacency and doubt giving me preconceived notions), I skeedaddled to my family fight and dealt with it as fast as I could wrap up a domestic argument.

Afterwards, the bandidos were still on the loose but the PoPo finally pulled in behind them and had pulled them over without incident.

Rookie. Training Opportunity. Or as we like to call them RTOs or "meat" calls.

Lepreshawn thought this would be great training for a felony stop for Lunch Money, my rookie. Although the heat of the stop was over, there was still an investigation to be done.

I wandered their direction and with a glance and some inside knowledge. I observed the yahoos in the car were 3 young men, currently on probation, who had become frequent flyers in the course of their childhood. They were familiar. I recognized them. They were gangsta wannabes with no real ghetto experience. After the fake guns were put away, we identified the "brilliant mob boss", Max.

MAX: Hi, officers. Just joking! We thought it would be funny to ride around with bandanas and pretend we kidnapped someone.

ME: Where did you figure that was a good idea? Out of a Cracker Jacks box?

Scha-wing! You just landed yourself the attention of the entire city. And we have all day. Idiots.

Strangely enough, the car smelled like weed. The kids smelled like weed. Must be weed. Sure enough. Lepreshawn found weed.

And so...gangsta wannabes became gangsta wannabes with weed tickets. We might turn them into real criminals after all.

ME: You might just want to tie those bandanas around your neck next time. Use them as a necklace or as a tourniquet. Just an idea.

MAX: What's a tourniquet?

ME: A really tight necklace.  You can't be a gangsta if you don't know what that is. Just sayin'.

MAX:  We are. There are gangs. You don't know what we are capable of.

ME: I know you are capable of being the only people in the city dumb enough to ride around looking for the PoPo to pull you over with guns and to turn yourselves in for weed.

MAX: We didn't do that.

ME: Really? Aren't those weed tickets in your hand? And don't I have your weed? And didn't you do some crazy shit to flag us down?

MAX: *blink*blink*

ME: Oh, and tell your probation officer hello. I expect that revocation warrant to be out next week.

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Quagmire and Opto-mistic Prime

Many of you may not know, that stress has kind of gotten the best of me at times. I was browsing my posts and recognizing only an angry woman. I really don't feel that way, but it was then I was motivated to write a post. All of a sudden, Bitchfest  began. Much of my frustration stems from two influences: my financial and life status, and aggressive and negative people. Some of those I know and some I do not.

For example, Lord Farquaad and I have deteriorated to a point I have to call police because he constantly yells and curses at me and the neighbors from his porch. The town believes he is losing it and request reports. I lost my temper over the weekend and did not do anything bad, but I should not have yelled back at him.

My words consisted of yelling at him to stop harassing me and the neighbors along with addressing his foul language around the kids. It just got worse to the point I outstretched my arms in a "bring it on" fashion and challenged him to call the police to resolve his issues with me...whatever they are, because he can never give me a good reason about why he hates me all of a sudden or what I have done. He just stopped and then his wife interjected. I have decided she is a delusional peach. So, I called the cops.


It turned out fine and of course, the PoPo sided with my concerns and encouraged me to report everything. Beat me now. But they had to mediate and compromise on both sides. So, parking in front of my property and not extending one inch over to his, is a compromise. Do I mind? No, but I do not like the fact that Lord Farquaad now thinks people cannot part in front of his house because the police moved them last time. Granted, we were only a few inches past the property line and legally parked on the street. It is a public street. People cannot govern who parks in front of their own homes when it is public parking and legally parked. But, Ok. Give the crazy dude some bones so they can come back and say, well now, this one time...

I'm tough. I can get through it until I can sell. We now have learned about the vicious cycle of Harry Potter residents and I feel sorry for these people. Only one lasted over 20 years, with the rest moving in about 3-4 years. The ones previous to me were less than 2. I had thought other circumstances, but now it is perfectly clear.

The cycle will end someday when he passes. He is over 80. But until then, misery.

Add into that the wackos of the world. I am surrounded in academia with UNLIKE thinkers. We have people who "DE-FRIEND" people who do not share the same political views. I'm not talking about just social media, I'm talking about defriending for life. This is an odd social experiment and tells me that the mentality of people is very fragile. This alarms me because deep down in there, there is a sensitive vulnerability which makes me think they will someday easily snap. I see CJC majors who hate cops who want to be one and I'm like..."why are you here in criminal justice?"

I know people who feel it is no big deal to deface the American flag. I see people who think it is OK to not respect officials and talk nasty to police before they even know where they stand or what is going on. It is a "my phone is in your face" because they must record everything because no one can be trusted.

Additionally, all I hear around me is "fuck America", "fuck our president", and "fuck you". Anger. Everywhere. It gets old. And if I remind these folks about being the positive change, they flip me off. This stews and it makes me worry about their reactions and future thoughts turning into aggressive physical action.


I look at the American societal changes over the last few years and behavior has become aggressive and accepted. Mental illness is abundant. So why aren't we focusing more on helping people?

It's a mystery.

Lately, I love the results that restorative justice is not working and the price is compounding a social problem. Hmm. Could have told you that. However, some of the programs are necessary. Now this does not include drug rehab or mental health. Those are services required in sentencing. Restorative justice pertains to work programs like boot camps, lock down housing facilities where they take them to work during the day and they are locked down at night and on weekends, etc.

Maybe that is what we are seeing now. Our mentally ill society has not been helped or contained, but now are acting out on their internal aggressions as irrational and dangerous as they are. I still believe deregulating mental health was a mistake. It needed to be seriously reformed, but letting the inmates run the asylum for years has now created a very tenuous society.

Parents stopped making their kids suck it up with the bumps of life.

Let's derail the train to me. I think I need to talk about me. LOL.

I'm at a poverty level. I live in a home which is under construction and disrepair. Really have never lived like this in all my life. But I do not go out and commit crimes or stop moving forward and strive upward. I think it says a lot about backgrounds and how we are raised.

My pay really sucks, but my benefits are great. I get a lot of free stuff. Like free gym passes, free events. incentives, and a tuition reduction. It is really the only way I can afford to go to grad school. For which I am very grateful. I hope to figure out what I want to be when I grow up, and find a viable job somewhere. I'm not attached to this area. However, my daughter is and I figure once I get her graduated, we both can have wings.

Despite my struggles, I remain optimistic. It is who I am. Opto-mistic Prime. I could be a Transformer.

Watch Netflex Manhung: Unabomber. It was excellent and I felt the pains of the agent as I became obsessed with my cases as well. Oh, the dread that came with this series. I relived my detective days. But this was well done and so interesting. You will feel pained for both Ted and Fitz.

My life really gets better in 10 days when Longmire airs its last season. It will be bittersweet.

But, luckily I have Netflix so I can watch it again and again and again and again and again.