Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Holster Your Pickle

Last night, I got to work a little early. Wanted to touch base with one of my friends who is currently on day shift. She was sitting at a computer and I walked up behind her...stopped in my tracks to see...a King Size Peanut M & M wrapper (empty) and a Mountain Dew bottle (empty). I told her she had better be logging those into evidence for some case. She laughed. Then she told me this story that happened earlier...

Apparently one of our very good friends who is a big boy from Oklahoma and ex-cop had to make a police report on a damaged vehicle. I will call him Okie. He is huge and he giggles like a girl. So he fits right in with the girlfriends.

My friend starts to take down the information while talking to Okie...only for some odd reason his big lab (dog, not a large science playground)  is circling her and nudging her holster...over and over again. She pushes him away and he comes back, almost knocking her down trying to get her gun. Finally she kicks the dog.

HER: What the fuck is wrong with your dog, Okie?

Okie: Uh...[points to her gun] maybe he wants that nice, juicy pickle stuck in your gun holster that resembles left over lunch, sister.[giggles]

HER: Oh for shit's sake! [laughs until she is red in the face and embarassed] I can't even get away with sneaking shit off my diet. [giggles] At least it was you and not some other person.

Okie: [giggles] What's that supposed to mean?

HER: [takes the pickle and throws it in the back of his truck] Because you are one of us, nutsack.

Okie: I'm not a cop anymore, goofy. [giggles]

HER: No... a girlfriend.

So the way she told it was so funny that I had tears in my eyes. Then I had to be serious. She asked me if I hated her for cheating. I said, no, but she had to go tell everyone  in the briefing room her stories.

So she did. And everyone laughed...and then The English spoke...

The English: Oh, hey, that reminds me of this one time when ( my last name) and I were at this working dog class and she had Otis...and they told everyone to make sure they had their dogs' rewards, toys, or whatever in their packs before we hiked out on this mock search. So when I was teamed up with (my last name) she said she was set and we left. So, Otis did really, really good and found the guy. I was waiting for her to take out Otis's toy and give him a reward. And you know what Otis's reward was? A frickin' huge ham sammich. It was like the biggest Dagwood sammich I have ever seen. And he ate it...all... while wagging his tail and about peeing hisself without chewing.

HER: Aw...a guy after my own heart.

ME: What can I say...Otis hates toys...he likes food. We are two of a kind. [giggles]

In other news...Otis has recovered and the vet said he is fine. However, he is physically not the same and I am sadly, going to have to retire him. I had been gearing up for that anyway, but he was still being called on little kid emergencies since he was such a good dog. He will be spoiled until his last days.


Deb said...

Glad to hear Otis is doing well, sad to hear he has to retire. Will you train another dog for calls?

Momma Fargo said...


I'm not sure if I am going to have another Search and Rescue dog or not. Still debating...

Update...forgot to warn everyone HER has Tehrets...cusses like a sailor and makes up words like nutsack.

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

She sounds like a good story teller.
Yeah, Otis, def likes food. Me too. So, make it.. three of a kind!
Hope you're having a lovely day!
Big hugs!
Betty xx

Ms. Anthropy said...

Glad to hear Otis is feeling better. Speaking of better... you'd better cut out his ham sandwiches or he'll have to go on a diet. Plus, doesn't ham plug up his bunghole?

Ann T. said...

Dear Momma Fargo,
Poor Otis! I feel bad for him and you, I know you enjoyed having him for a partner. And I bet you will spoil him. Give him a pat for me!

Now as to your friend and colleague--

Very dangerous to keep a pickle in a holster. She might be in a dilly of a situation sometime. It might be part of the job to be cool as a cucumber, but one's bread and butter also relies on the backup threat of force. Now she can't ketchup--and in hot mustard! She might have to run for it while somebody poppy-seeds her buns! So, you know, just ain't kosher.

so, Her, mayo be more careful next time! We wouldn't relish hearing any different.

Momma Fargo, I hope you're pickled tink,
Ann T.