Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...







Saturday, May 22, 2010

Shitdazzle Repo Moment




I know, Dollface. I can't believe it, either. But he's a man. What do you expect?



ME: Big O. You aren't helping. I'm pissed as hell.





Sweetheart, we are only men. Men we are. It's all we can be. We forget things. Shitdazzle happens. You're beautiful.



ME: How can you forget to pay the bill? For two months? In a row? Can you imagine the smucks when they came into the yard and said...HEY LOOK..WE'RE REPO-ING THE SHERIFF'S GARBAGE DUMPSTER. I mean...the county vehicle is sitting right there in the yard. How EMBARASSING. I only give him one thing. ONE THING to pay. And he forgets. It's like it's my birthday or something. It's a fucking dumpster. He puts garbage in it everday. Probably fantasizes about putting me in it...in a black plastic bag...like all the time. How could you forget to pay the dumpster guys? It's 40 damn dollars a month.





It's like I tell ya, Love. We're only men. We make mistakes. We fuck up. We still love you. Give the guy a break. He boo-booed. Little teensy weensy omission. Drink some wine. It'll be better in the morning.











ME: But...Big O...dear...LOVE OF MY LIFE...they repo-ed the dumpster from the guy who's truck says... SHERIFF.. on it. In my yard. The dumpster got repo-ed by the garbage guys. From the police. Who are supposed to pay their bills. How would you like it if I repo-ed your dog dish, your dog food...your nice fluffy wuffy dog bed? Huh? How would you feel? What if Bug and I stopped petting you? Huh? What about that? What if I stopped kissing you on the forehead? It's the same thing. What if I made you make the 30 mile hike to the dump with our garbage? Huh? We could strap it on you like those St. Bernards and their barrel thingys. Are you starting to see the problem? Not to mention the embarassing repo moment?





Ok. Ok. You're right. We should hang our heads in shame. Fuck. We're such white trash. You're beautiful. Darling...could I have some of that wine you are drinking?

14 comments:

Bendigo said...

As I laughed, I couldn't help but think that in some way men everywhere were being belittled...Then again we aren't that smart so I figure what the hell...I can live with that..

ASBLACKASOBAMA said...

Your dog does a great Humphrey Bogart....

Ms. Anthropy said...

Uh oh... bad dog, no biscuit!

Deb said...

Shit! That sucks. Pour another glass...things usually improve after the 3rd one :)

Dee said...

Is it wrong that I would have giggled to see a cop's stuff repoed?

Momma Fargo said...

Bendigo,

LOL. Sorry..it was really aimed at my husband, no one else!

ASBLACKASOBAMA,

:) Isn't he cute? I'm biased, tho.

Ms. Anthropy,

Yeah. What you said.

Deb,


I know. But if I keep drinking more than two, I will increase my chances of a migraine over this mater. LOL.

Momma Fargo said...

Dee,

It's so wrong. YES! No...I laughed after I got done being so damn mad.

Aurora said...

Calling the trash company and arranging to have automatic monthly payments taken from your bank account removes all of this sort of hassle.
I do it for gas, electric, water, telephone and then life gets much simpler.

My Mercurial Nature said...

I hope you let him have just a sip of wine! After all, he looks sad. ;-) This was TOO funny!!

~J said...

LMAO! That would be a bit embarrassing! I once had a trash guy who dug thru my trash before putting it into the trash truck..which mortified me to death every week..wtf was he looking for in there?

Tracie said...

LOL! I've always said men are dogs.

Crystal Escobar said...

haha, that is too funny!

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

What an adorable darling dog!
B xx

Jessica said...

Fuckidy-doo-dah. You freakin married my husband.
Except I make him pay ALL the bills so he knows exactly how much we have; then he goes to the store for beer and ice cream.
Like $100 worth of beer and ice cream. Sometimes licorice .. $120.
Then they shut the water off because he didn't pay the bill for 3 months.
BUT DAMN IT! WE HAVE BEER AND ICE CREAM!

And licorice.

But damn, your dumpster? What a bum.