Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...







Thursday, May 6, 2010

Sticks and Stones

The very clever and handsome Coffeypot made fun of my initials...MF. So I decided to own it. Yep, that's right I'm MF. Go ahead...make fun of me. I love it!  And Coffeypot meant this in a funny humorous kind of way...so I thought I had to play on this. And yes...blonde hair shining through...I did not even think of my initials that way.  This brought up some other nicknames that have come along the way while being the popo beside the usual bitch, whore, and other lovelies.

When I was a rookie...I was young, dumb, and no...not full of that other stuff that rhymes with this and refers to the male half. But I was really, really blonde. Blonder than I am now. Driving around one night...I had a drunk in front of me. Activated the Christmas lights and sirens and he wouldn't stop. I had me one of them thar real live pursuits...my first one. At 10 MPH. Yeah. It was exciting.

Calling out my whereabouts, this speedy drunk kept turning and turning and pretty soon I didn't know where I was. Happen to tell the troops that we were now turning left. That helps. It was also a full moon. Go figure. So after the drunk finally stopped at an intersection...I got out and read the signs...over the radio. Sounded like a real dork.

This was when I was on the shift with the good old boys that hated girls. They lovingly called me Moonbeam after that. They joked about how I navigated with the stars and the moon. I wore it with honors. Pretty much deserved it. Then after shift, I came out to my personal car to see the entire shift...bent over...bare butts. I guess they had to give me a royal Moon inauguration. Yep, gotta love cops.

Two years later, on a much younger shift...and much wiser was I...myself and another officer responded to a disturbance. When we got there...a man off his meds with schizophrenia on meth was fighting everyone...and ended up fighting the popo. Fire personnel and paramedics arrived to help get him on the bus so he could be given some Vitamin H. Back in those days, Vitamin H was the cureall. Too bad we can't go back to that.

Anyfighter, we got him strapped up on the gurney. I leaned over him and told him to knock it off and be nice to the paramedics. He stared at me...and stopped acting like The Hulk. Then...with tears in his eyes...he said..."You are my one true love...you Beautiful Blonde C*nt! Stay with me." Yes, meth is a wonderful thang...

You guessed it...once that got around...all my equipment was engraved with BBC...my clipboard...flashlight...etc. Thanks in part to the mad engraver and shift of guys that thought they were funny. Just the other day that came up again and the initials started popping up everywhere on my gear again. Maybe that's why I dyed my hair red. LMAO. I'm going to have to get rid of all those guys from the old days. Bastids.

Anynames, Coffeypot, I love MF and I will use it 'til I wear it out! Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me...nanny, nanny poo poo. Only because I am such a hard ass bitch...names make me laugh.

19 comments:

VandyJ said...

You own it MF! Love reading your posts!

RedheadedStepchild said...

ROFL Own it, girl! Aren't men a bunch of jackasses? LOL

Tracie said...

You know I never really thought about your initials being MF before. *giggle giggle* Thanks Coffey.

CI-Roller Dude said...

We used to have a copper who kept loosing the keys to his patrol car... I think he was eating them...but finally, the watch commander got tired of having to respond to where the key eater was to give him a spare key...and we tied a 2X4 to the key with his name on it....

He never lost the keys again.

Ms. Anthropy said...

Glad to know that. I have hesitated shortening it to initials, for that very reason. That's why I usually just call you Fargo, or Momma. (Momma is hard, cuz I'm older than you, ha!)

Momma Fargo said...

VandyJ,

LOL. Thanks and likewise with your posts!

Redheaded Stepchild,

Donkeys, just donkeys. LOL.

Tracie,

Me either. Coffey is so clever.

CI Roller Dude,


Aren't cops great? LMAO.

Ms. Anthropy,

You can call me whatever you want, wonderful lady! :)

Ann T. said...

Dear Momma Fargo,
The whole English language is skewed against female cop style.

I think you need a bumper sticker that says, My Ovaries are Way Bigger than Your Balls. You would not put it on your car, of course--talk about escalatin'--but maybe inside your clipboard.

on second thought, put that bumper sticker (b.s.) on every man's car in the shift . . . I like it.

So, Big Bad Cop,
Way proud of you!

Ann T.

Momma Fargo said...

Ann T.,

You are so funny. I love it!

Mass Hole Mommy said...

I would totally take MF as a compliment, too. But then I think we think alike, which is probably very scary.

Lee-Ann said...

LOL BBC. Gotta love the stories!

Aine Butler-Smith said...

I caught the fact of your initials when I was thinking of shortening your name when responding to one of your comments on my blog and I was in a hurry. Then I caught myself, laughing to myself that maybe that was not such a good idea.
Ahh well, there's always at least one comedian in every bunch.

Bossy Betty said...

Whoa! Own it, Baby! Good job!

Momma Fargo said...

Mass Hole Mommy,

We are a lot alike. Very scary. LMAO.

Lee-Ann,

Yeah. I laugh. It still haunts me. LOL.

Aine,

LOL. You are funny. I probably still wouldn't have noticed. You know, the blonde in me. :)

Paxford said...

I love how you face such overt manliness with dignity, decorum (and I'm really hoping - Laxative cookies for all the boys)

:)

Love Ya Momma

Pax

Bethany said...

LMFAO! BBC!

Momma Fargo said...

Pax,

LMAO. I think I just spit coffee all over my computer screen reading this.

Bethany,

Nice, huh? I get all kinds. LOL.

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

That's why I call you, Momma LOL!!
Your initials? Never thought of it.
Betty xx

Coffeypot said...

I'm glad you like it, but I was just curious. Also, the saying about the sticks and stones thing I changed up one night at a bar, "Sitcks and stones may break my bones, but words will get your ass whipped."

ASBLACKASOBAMA said...

Do you mind if I use BBC then? lol