Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Monday, August 23, 2010

Monday Minute

Ian's last Monday Minute. Makes me a sad copper. Hail, hail! Thanks to Heather and Melissa for keeping the tradition going!
Monday Minute
This week's co-host is Not Your Average Single Momma. Funny. Lady. That's all it takes right? Go check her out. What is your favorite 80s flick? Footloose. One genre of music needs to be banned. Which genre? Helllll to the NO! No genre should be banned. I am against censorship-just as bad of an idea as when they burned books. Shame. Shame. What is your all time favorite candy? EMINEM. Naked. How 'flawed' is your driving record? Perfect. I'm the popo, you know.  However, it is true I've had lots of speeding tickets in the past and my license was suspended once when I was wearing the uniform, driving a police car, protecting your city, but I didn't know it. Clerical error at the State level. Good thing I didn't get pulled over...we arrest for DUS. I just happen to run it for training...and proceeded to shit my pants. What was your high school mascot? The Pronghorn and finally... What color socks are you wearing?   None. I am completely naked while blogging this and my ass is stuck to my leather office chair.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Ghetto Gardening

Being a Master Gardener, I appreciate all the different landscape designs, plant selections, and yard retreats. Especially Ghetto...Gardening.

Walking up to interview a suspect for Child Abuse in the ghetto last night, I couldn't help but admire their choice of yard design.

Clay pots on the steps, wooden window boxes on the trailer...the flowers were neatly arranged and in a multitude of colors...and the fragrance...plastic. Oh, there was dirt in the pots and window boxes. It makes a difference to have them growing in good, fertile soil.

Engine parts. Apparently if you stack them in piles in the lawn...it's yard art. Just like Van Gogh...only different...and very metal. The grease makes the personality come out of the sculpture and the interpretation of the piece says a lot about America.

Trash heaps. A new type of composting. 10-15 years in the making...perhaps longer...becomes rich soil for the garden. Butter boxes. Fritos packaging...baby diapers. If the shit smell attracts flies, the maggots compost things even faster. Brilliant!

Keystone Light cans. Thrown in the corner of the yard near the front gate...recycling. Green people. Love them. Being green is great for our environment...and these fine citizens were just doing their part to clean up our state.

Lawn furniture. Even though the stuffing was hanging out of a 1970s Lane sofa with gold, brown, and white flower print, it was quite quaint on the porch next to the Bucket-O-Butts.

And the large chain laying across the top steps...leading to Cujo...the attack pit bull, my friend,...he beats a stone lion. Cujo... meet the TASER.


I love Ghetto Gardening.

Now time to introduce myself to Child Beater. I'll put a flower in his cap. I'd like to put a cap in his ass...but then again...the pen is mightier than the sword, right? Maybe I can start off the conversation by picking his brain about his gardening techniques...

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


After Bill exhausted us, GENTLE BEN and I heard Highway Patrol scream over the radio for assistance. We boogied to their rescue 6 miles away from our location. At the time we were the only ones free. The city was hopping with crime. Soon...they were calling for medical and a female officer.

By the time we had arrived...4 city cops were there. 3 deputies. 4 Highway Patrol. Two ambulances. A fire station. The parents.

The subject was 16 years old. She bit a fireman. She bit a deputy. She assaulted two Highway Patrol. She was struggling while being handcuffed and strapped to a gurney by the time GENTLE BEN got there. Slow fast driver. I kept pushing my foot on the imaginary gas petal on my side of the car. But he got us there safely.

She was high on something. Screaming. Non-sensical. Fighting. The best we could figure it out was probably a combination of drugs and we all thought Extacy-X was one of the substances. Through our Kevlar gloves, her skin was very hot to the touch. She was burning up from the inside out. Medical transport was critical.

She had been at a party at an unknown location. Her name was Jaymie.

She was nuts. Higher than a kite. The ambulance had to get the white straight jacket and straps. Two sets of handcuffs. Spit hood over her face. Two fireman and a police officer and ...her mother had to ride with the ambulance while they transported her code 3 to the ER.

GENTLE BEN: She was crazy. A fox, tho.

ME: Yep. Not one you would bring home to Mama. And Bears don't mix with foxes.

GENTLE BEN: Definitely not.

ME: Had enough action tonight?

GENTLE BEN: This was fun.

ME: Bears. So much different than Jack Russells.

GENTLE BEN: Sorry about my slow driving. Thanks for all the action.

ME: That's Ok. We missed all the vampire action.

That became our last call of the night. I sent the Bear home to hibernate. At least I know how to show a guy a good time. It's something.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Inspirational Monday Minute

Cohost this week is Jenn from Brown Eyed Girl. Go check her out and link up with Ian's Monday Minute.
- Describe your life in one word.


- Is there something you wish you had learned how to do as a child?

Foreign languages.

- Who has been the biggest influence on your life?

God... first and foremost. Second...Lt. Dangle from Reno 911. Shut it! Love the short shorts.

- What is your greatest dream/hope/aspiration?

For my Bug to have a better, more fruitful life than Hubs and I and of course, World Peace.

and finally...
-Do you believe you have reached your potential? Why/why not?
No. If you ever reach your potential...could you imagine the growth stopping?  That would pretty much put a stop to existing. You should always set new goals, new dreams, reach for them and learn, grow...with every day. Go outside your comfort zone and stop being a couch potato. The sky's the limit. I can't stop learning or growing...it's impossible.

Go link up with Jenn!