Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Monday, August 9, 2010

Ghetto Gardening

Being a Master Gardener, I appreciate all the different landscape designs, plant selections, and yard retreats. Especially Ghetto...Gardening.

Walking up to interview a suspect for Child Abuse in the ghetto last night, I couldn't help but admire their choice of yard design.

Clay pots on the steps, wooden window boxes on the trailer...the flowers were neatly arranged and in a multitude of colors...and the fragrance...plastic. Oh, there was dirt in the pots and window boxes. It makes a difference to have them growing in good, fertile soil.

Engine parts. Apparently if you stack them in piles in the lawn...it's yard art. Just like Van Gogh...only different...and very metal. The grease makes the personality come out of the sculpture and the interpretation of the piece says a lot about America.

Trash heaps. A new type of composting. 10-15 years in the making...perhaps longer...becomes rich soil for the garden. Butter boxes. Fritos packaging...baby diapers. If the shit smell attracts flies, the maggots compost things even faster. Brilliant!

Keystone Light cans. Thrown in the corner of the yard near the front gate...recycling. Green people. Love them. Being green is great for our environment...and these fine citizens were just doing their part to clean up our state.

Lawn furniture. Even though the stuffing was hanging out of a 1970s Lane sofa with gold, brown, and white flower print, it was quite quaint on the porch next to the Bucket-O-Butts.

And the large chain laying across the top steps...leading to Cujo...the attack pit bull, my friend,...he beats a stone lion. Cujo... meet the TASER.


I love Ghetto Gardening.

Now time to introduce myself to Child Beater. I'll put a flower in his cap. I'd like to put a cap in his ass...but then again...the pen is mightier than the sword, right? Maybe I can start off the conversation by picking his brain about his gardening techniques...


Christy said...

You can find them in podunk America. My experience with it is in the south, however, I have seen it in the upper Midwest and the Rockies. I know we all have our own styles, but I wonder about everyone's taste.

Ann T. said...

Dear Momma Fargo,
Oh, yes. I know that guy and all his cousins.

"Wake up, Billybob, it's time for Masterpiece The-ay-ter!!"

Ann T.

Debbie said...

How about putting that chain to good use if you know what I mean! Dirty rotten........

J said...

wow, I thought my gardening was bad :)

Ed said...

Do they have Mexican gardeners in the ghetto?

Tree said...

I have missed you, Momma! LOL And, yes...my experience with these lovely ghetto gardens have also been in the south, but I guess it happens all over. Like white washing the trees or setting your old furniture out in the yard for BBQ's and gatherings. Attractive!

Coffeypot said...

The pen is mightier than the sword. A sword is heavy and clumsy for close in work. A pen, when held correctly, can easily be inserted into the chest or neck with just a slight amount of pressure and it gives one the pleasure of seeing the shock, surprise and fear in the scumbag’s eyes before he goes down. As for the flowers, forgetaboutit…I kill plastic plants.

The PWT said...

I'm all about Ghetto gardening these days. My version is currently 7 vehicles parked in my driveway (3 that run, one on jacks, and one with a topper full of old baby toys and farm supplies).

Add a wagon wheel, old metal sign, picnic table, glider swing, rotatiller, and various other 'stuff' from The Queen's house just hanging out along my fence. We did put a potted plant on the picnic table... but it was hard to see with the basket of dirty laundry in the way!

LMAO!!! I totally win this one this week! I should take pictures!! But I'll be happy to come help with the 'cap in the ass' of any abusive fuckhead! I can accept their gardening decor... but not the rest! Get 'em girl!!

Bob G. said...

Momma fargo:

As a gardener myself (and a former Philly "city boy", I can truthfully state that your command of the sarcastic realm has NO equal...bravo!
I salute you!

Stay safe.

cathyjoy said...

LMAO!!! Your description of the ghetto garden is fantastic!

presious said...

I do love recycled gardens! There's a way to do it though. If it is not balanced just right with "junk" and greenery, it can look like a real neighborhood eye sore!

Cap him up gurl! In fact, just cut the stuff off and be done! That's what I think should be done with them!

TechnoBabe said...

Pick his brain? Not much to pick I think. I grew up like that. I hope you made a difference in a child's life. Hugs to you.