Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Otis Is In Da Haus....

I crumbled and let a man move into my house the next day after approving the divorce papers. I am SOOOO weak...and needy.

Yep. Big O is back in da house.

Although I sweep, dust, and mop everyday...it's worth it to have the BIG DUMMY back inside. It was lonely in here all by myself.

But I couldn't help it. He's a big guy...

blonde....with the prettiest brown eyes...

and a nice tail.

He's the man that I call the true love of my life....sigh.

I like 'em furry...especially when it's cold out...yessirreee...Wyoming tonight....18 below...at least here on the river. Right now he's snuggling on a rug by the fireplace. Spoiled dog.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Giving Thanks

Lenzey at Life, Love, And Living In It... bestowed an award upon my little head...early in November...

What an honor!  She put a smile on my face and I am very flattered she reads  my fodder. Thank you so much, Lenzey! Go visit her site...she is a delightful person. She writes about a variety of things...her family, life, movies...whatever intrigues or inspires her. I'm breaking the rules. I am supposed to pass this on to 5...but you know how I love to break the law!  I am giving thanks today to some of you out there I have neglected...

Jessica at Jess Mise Placed...for the wonderful fudge...wow! Can this chef pan out the dish on dish! I'm at least 80 pounds heavier and a lot happier! LOL. Thank You! Check her out...she is a first class chef with sass and her recipes are to die for as well as the humor she puts in her posts while revealing her top secrets! And a very kind and generous lady...we were bloggy first followers! I promise the package is on its way to you...this time for real...no more truck wreckage.

My Sista From Another Motha for sending me this fabbook...my FIRST divorce book....

I read it at the Allenspark Lodge...and laughed a lot. It was awesome! You rock, Sista! Thank you! She has known me almost all my life and still is a great friend...crazy....I love you, Man! Woman!

I have to confess that the boots I won from Tactical Pants Blog are the most awesome boots I have ever worn. My feet are happy....warm, and walk on pillows every day. Even when I jumped fences the other night with my broke butt...I landed with ease. No cringing on the landing as it usually goes at my age. I truck through snow and my feet stay dry. So...on that note...they even outscore my *shudder* Danner's that are $300.00. I might retire my Danner's to landscaping attire. Thank you so much, Jeanette! And check out her latest post on Cops On Top! It rocks...literally!

Women's Magnum 8" Stealth Force SZ WPi

And THANKS again to Bill and Juanita at Allenspark Lodge along with the lovely GunDiva! What a great stay I had....along with great newfound friends...it couldn't get any better! Allenspark Lodge is a must stop if you enjoy the mountains, great food, enchantment, and good friends!

And the last but not least...thanks to all my readers for the kind emails inquiring about my sanity. I appreciate the kindness, advice, and concern and love to chatter with all of you.  There are many  more...but special attention to the following who have listened to me and waded through the dark moments...thanks to Deb..my twin from Michigan, Christy, Dee, Mrs. Mom, GunDiva, Bill and Juanita, Coffeypot, The Queen, and Ed!

Happy Thanksgiving week to everyone!

I am working both landscaping and police work...hopefully I will have some turkeys to fry or to talk about in the next few posts! Otherwise...Sgt. Downtown Brown and myself are going to be working in the -3 degrees  (yes, below zero) on landscaping jobs.

Maybe I'll cook him a non-traditional steak for Thanksgiving since we are without kids and working 24/7. The other day he told me just to come work on his team so we would have the same time off schedule and we could work literally 24/7. I gave him the stink eye and told him vampires like me can't work police work during the day or the long night shift. I would melt. But we could get a lot done...and my business is taking off again with his help...so you never know...but then again... our team and the Sarg are the best ever!

Yeah...in Wyoming...we like our work like that!

Cops work in -3 degrees on and off duty! Crazy! 

And our tractors roll out in the snow...

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Broke Butt Mountain

I received a note on my table the other day. It was a note from a close friend...

You leave me sit here all alone. Next to an empty wine glass.  You don't take me out anymore. I collect dust. You bitch.

Signed...your computer

So...I'm back. Stories and awards and thank yous to follow this weekend. Dusting off the laptop now...

While I was away...I was here...Allenspark Lodge

Yes...Bill and Juanita...I stole your pic. Sorry..free advertising?

It was here I was treated like gold by the sweetest, most wonderful couple....Bill and Juanita of Allenspark Lodge. I met Tink and GunDiva as well and we set off for an adventure on horseback. Well...most of us. It was in the great wilderness...snow blowing at mach 7...I had just rescued a baby from a grueling death...and pulled the mother from the frozen creek...OK about 20 feet from the corral...I broke my ass. Not a donkey I was given to ride...but my own ass.

The horse zigged and I zagged...dammit.

After broken pride and broken ass, I got back on Washoe and trucked out into the beautiful country with my newfound friends.

But my ass was still broke. I didn't want to tell anyone...it was a beautiful and very enjoyable ride.

It was later when my gluteous maximus froze up and said...HELL NO. Juanita's suggestion of ginger root and hot tub helped tremendously. I can use the right side today. Left side is still saying...HELL NO.

Anybrokebutt, the trip was marvelous. I can't say enough.

You need to go there. 

The lodge and region are so enchanting...the food is magnificient...and the company is beyond fabulous. Thank you so much, Bill and Juanita! Words cannot describe what a pleasure the few days I spent at your home meant to me. And Bug didn't want to go home.

You helped heal my soul!

And now for the naked pics of my ass...it looks like this...

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Bouncy Butt Pluggers

My first encounter working with the man was in 1998. We met on my first suspicious death scene as an evidence technician...all our technicians are sworn officers. He was tall, elderly, but stoic and carried his intelligence around just as much as his friendly smile.

The house was in the BIG TREE AREA and the man had been dead many days. He was found by two friends who entered the home. They immediately suspected he died a horrible death...the house was ransacked...he was naked...porn was up on the computer... S & M gadgets were hanging from the ceiling including a large penis mouse trap...that said...."insert dick here for optimal pleasure." Ouch. I even cringed at the thought...and I didn't have a dick.

All the kitchen cupboards were open...plastic sacks everywhere. Food dumped out of the pantry cupboard and spilled cereal...half eaten. Toilet paper rolls strewn all over the utility room...with claw marks in them.  Everything else was neat and tidy.  Lots of cats. Everywhere. Running around freaked out at our presence.

Only I didn't suspect a homicide like the ladies. Cats. They were hungry. Scared. Been left alone with a dead man for a few days. Naturally...they would play with the toilet paper and plastic sacks. And try to find food. The cupboards opened easy and were not level, so some of them never stayed shut.

Doc agreed with me. No homicide. The autopsy later confirmed that. Probably a heart attack while on the shitter. But the victim was a peculiar man. Doc and I were fascinated with his life and had to explore...well, there was that...and a search warrant.

A well-known forensic pathologist, Doc had credentials longer than Center Street. He had testified in many famous trials. Been on 60 Minutes. Cold Case. In books. We were lucky to have him. I learned a lot over the years from him. Most of all...I learned a lot about deviant sex from our first case together.

The victim was found naked...face first in the kitty litter box...full of kitty poo. When we turned him over...he had a duct taped penis. Shaved body. The porn on his computer showed him dressed up in women's clothing and in various S & M poses...and hanging from his dick stuck in his penis trap from the ceiling. Apparently the cats were also famous porn stars and various pics included them in all their fluffiness being sexually manipulated. Way gross.

The treasures were endless. The detectives had initially disagreed with our findings of a cat ransacking and had obtained a search warrant. Ohhh... the fun we were about to have... that hadn't happened yet. It didn't take long into the execution of the search warrant to discover a man who lived in an underground world.

ME: What the? Cepi, what in the world is this?

OFFICER CEPI: Ewwww....what is that?

It squiggled. It moved when my gloved finger touched in. Neat and tidy and in order in the top dresser drawer. Somehow I felt (no pun intended)  it had been important in this man's life.

DOC: Let me see.

ME: See....ick.

DOC picked them up without gloves and wiggled them around. And placed them against his chest.

DOC: These are some of the best silicone bra inserts I have ever seen. See? Feel.

I poked one. Cepi poked one. We grimaced. Eww.

DOC: They have serial numbers on them. See? He must have put these in when he dressed up in women's clothing.

ME: Ucky.

CEPI: Way ucky.

DOC: At least he was clean. These were important to him because they were orderly and clean. And on the top drawer.

Cepi and I continued to search despite the fact we both thought we had no homicide. Ok. So we were ordered to search. Dang authority.

The bottom drawer contained the Mother Load. Cepi fell backward when he pulled "IT" out of the drawer. It was blue. Way blue. Like police blue. With a thing. Hard thing.


ME: What the hell is that thing?

CEPI: I don't know. I'm afraid to touch it.

DOC finally saw our demise and put on some rubber gloves and joined our treasure hunting.

DOC: Oh. Yes. I see.

ME: What?

CEPI: Yeah, what?  I don't get it.

DOC: It's a bouncy butt plugger, don't you know? Like a Hippity Hop with a butt plugger...a Hippity Hop with a hard on. See...he bounced and you know the rest.

ME: Ok. Ok. NO more. I'm done.

CEPI: Me too. Let's go to the kitchen.

Doc laughed. I think he liked to freak us out. And that was just the beginning.

We were to have a lot of fun on future calls. We all admired him for his accomplishments, prestige, and intelligence. Yet, he was a kind and simple man. Very kind. And he loved cops.

A couple years ago, Doc finally retired. Dementia had started to kick in and he realized he should step down from decades of being the County Coroner and only pathologist in Wyoming. Many people did not know of his mental condition. He had stopped doing autopsies two years prior to his retirement. Not because of his Dementia, but because he was old and his eyes were tired. But we always learned from him.
The last few years of his political reign as Coroner, he had consulted me on several infant deaths. I always got a hug and kiss when he greeted me. He was 80 when he left office.

He passed away in his home Saturday after losing his beloved wife to cancer a few years ago. She had been his fire and drive for life. After she passed away, the liveliness in him had become deflated, although he tried to stay chipper for everyone that worked close to him.  His voice always rang in my ears everytime I've been at an autopsy remembering what he taught me about how a body endures death, as it will continue when something strikes his memory. It was an honor and privilege for me to have worked with him. He will be sorely missed.

I can still hear his distinct voice and laugh..." It's a bouncy butt plugger, don't you know? "