Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Friday, July 20, 2012

Bug Sex ...The Sequel

BUG: Mom, you know, I wanted a little black baby so bad.

ME: Yeah, honey. Me, too.

BUG: Mom, it's OK. The doctor said you could try again after you heal.

ME: Yeah.

BUG: So it's OK. You can. Just make sure when you guys have sex you do it when I'm not home.

ME: What?

BUG: [waves me off] Do it when I'm not there. I don't want to hear and I definitely don't want to see it. Go somewhere else.

ME: *blink*blink*

BUG: Mom, can I have a drink of your lemonade?

ME: Yeah. I don't care.

BUG: Ok. Hey, Mom?

ME: Yes?

BUG: Is it OK to drink this? Will I get pregnant if I share your drink?

ME: No, honey. Only if you share a drink with a boy.

BUG: Really? Well, I am NEVER doing that.

ME: Ok [big cheesy smile] Good idea.

Bug Sex

Being stuck at home to recover and reinvent yourself for the first day of work is enough to drive yourself crazy. Too much thinking goes on. Too many daily activities are observed. It's amazing what things go on when you are there to watch every minute of the day go by...it's so cool that I discovered history.

I'm not sure very many people know the purpose for which June bugs stick to our window and door screens. I have found the answer so many of us I am sure ponder for the nasty things absolutely gross me out.  Now...even more so.

I mean they just stick there...in all their grossness.

Toward the evening, just as the 100s turned to 90s...about 11:00 pm, I heard a noise. It was a distinct noise. Every cop has intense hearing senses. The noise was unmistakable and was a dog licking a screen. Every cop knows the noise like the sound of a racking gun. Why we know this noise is because we deal with window lickers all the time at work.

In fact, not only was it A dog, but it was Moose..my Moose... licking the screen on the sliding glass door which was open to hear the night sounds.

Disgusted, I turned to look. My mistake. What I saw was so appalling, that I may be traumatized for life. Yes, Moose was licking the screen...but not JUST licking the screen.

You see at night, the June bugs stick to the screens.

Moose was licking the screen, giving the June bugs fellatio.

In horror, I watched as he licked, licked, licked, then moved onto another bug. Then I thought about it after I yelled at him and I looked at the bugs underside. Maybe it wasn't fellatio. I mean how do you tell? I will just say he was giving the June bugs oral sex, whatever sex they were and I learned my dog is bisexual since I don't know if the bugs were boys or girls.

I yelled at him several times but the lust kept drawing him back to the nasty things to do the nasty.

I will never be the same.